marijuana conflict

[LovinLife]

I am wondering if anyone has experience with dating someone who smokes marijuana regularly?  Smoking marijuana is not unusual, but the conflict/problem I do not smoke marijuana and have no interest in doing so.  My boyfriend  smokes a lot, and has friends that smoke regularly, and I wonder how our lifestyles would fit together, with him smoking and me not smoking.  None of my friends smoke either, so there is a difference in the group of friends we have.  I  am a bit of a health "nut", so I don't see myself ever starting at all.   He doesn't seem to have any problems of anger or any ill effects from the smoking, so for him it works and he is happy.   He says he will phase out the smoking when I am around, but I am wondering if anyone else has had this issue in relationships?  At the moment, we aren't together as I made a big deal out of whether I would be happy with someone who smoked (and whose circles of friends smoke)..

Anyone?

[kathryn80]

Wow, we have a lot in common experience-wise.  Was your ex a grower as well?  Mine did.  I begged him to stop and he fell back on something he said when we were both drunk... he was like, "I'll never stop, so never ask me to," and I guess at the time I didn't think I would!  I did... didn't go over so well. Ha!  

Lesson learned...

[Milly116]

I used to smoke, met a smoker, lived together got married. Then I fell pregnant and stopped smoking and he carried on. He also used to play on his computer for hours on end. He was a great dad, but as the years went by I stopped being interesting to him and all he did with his evenings after the kids went to bed was smoke and play on his computers. I got fed up, felt neglected and lost self confidence. I told him I didnt want to be with him anymore and he didnt seem to care. It didnt make him stop. After years of smoking he began to develop paranoid delusions and would get angry very easily. I filed for divorce and got the hell out of there. He has remarried and is doing the same thing all over again. My ex is psychologically addicted to pot, has been from the age of 16. He won't ever give it up as its the only thing he's ever known. He's 40 now.

[kathryn80]

Don't apologize for standing up for yourself.  If he loves you he will see through the "how" you came across to your concern and well-being.  Keep strong to what is going to serve you, spiritually and emotionally.  That's what I didn't learn quickly enough.  I excused his actions and truly became part of the problem.  

[LovinLife]

Thank you for all the input it is helpful---I don't know where things will end, at the moment, the  'ball is in his court' as I told him our lifestyles were too different to be together.  Unfortunately, I told him, didn't ask him what he thought, so now I am not sure how he feels and if he will even communicate.....its been a few days since I called and apologized, not for what I said, but how I came across, etc....

Livin Life

[kathryn80]

I married a pot smoker and at first it was great.... we had so much fun and I even decided to join in.  Then, he started growing... then, he flooded the bathroom... then, I asked him to stop growing, not smoking, and he refused and threw a fit.  It became more important than me and eventually our life together.  I would be cautious.  I will never enter into a relationship with someone who smokes daily... I'd have to be very convinced with someone who smokes occasionally.  

[momagain59]

I left a pot smoker 30 years ago and he is still smoking pot. Life is a lot easier when you are with people that have common interest, morals, and beliefs.