Time

[Jaquta]

I was wondering how long it would take someone like myself to overcome emotional eating issues?
Are there specific things a person can look for that denote progress?

I feel stupid for not being able to make changes and sustain them.
I was wondering why I am more receptive to learning from others directly and not through other mediums.  I figure that I must find that rewarding or nurturing while information coming from myself (via reading, etc) is ... ??
I thought there may be a connection there with over-eating.  Feeding/ taking in??

I am still doing rather badly at the moment.
I think I was discharged from the mhs last week.  My T said that if he didn't hear from me within two weeks he would discharge me from his caseload.  I have left six messages for him to call over a two week period and he has returned none of my phone calls.  I'm angry -but only because it makes me feel better.  I accept that I'm not going to get the help I need from there.
I e-mailed my last T and she said that without that therapeutic relationship that conversing with my internal world would feel intrusive and not helpful.
Maybe the splitting has been unfair to my T but he hasn't provided any containment.  The only containment came from exercising and restricting what I ate.  Which has come and gone.

I'm exhausted and at a loss.  I'm suppose to be having my lower wisdom teeth out next week which my dentist kept saying would be traumatic.  My brother comes home from his OE in three weeks time.  He rang up the other night and I didn't even want to talk to him.  This is unusual for me as we have a strong connection.
Everything seems so hard and I just want to sleep.  I'm tired of these self-destructive thoughts that keep going through my mind.

Is all this psychological?  Could binge eating compensate for an overactive CRF gene?
I expect you would still say to address the negative emotional state.  First, do no harm, right?

[Jaquta]

I feel very, very bad.  I just needed to share that with someone.
It's more emotional than physical though despite my dentist giving me two antibiotics to take simultaneously.  (My third course.)  Which is somewhat funny because my GP held off giving any when he was talking about having true pneumonia.
I've been binge eating quite badly again the last few days.  I'm not sleeping very well either which isn't helping.  Even the dog has given up and is sleeping elsewhere.  I'm overwhelmed by safety stuff in the evenings.  I feel emotional.  My temper is fraying somewhat.
I don't even know what the problem is.
I'm going to watch people drowning on TV and see if that makes me feel any better.
We have a TV series here that documents some of the rescues our life guards make at one of our most notorious but popular beaches.  I find some of it interesting.  Some of it triggering.  It's a good distraction.  For a short time anyway.
Thanks for listening.  I hate this uncontained acting out rubbish.

[Jaquta]

Thanks.  I might try checking the library out first.  I think I may have the second one packed away somewhere.  (Our house is still a work in progress.)
The first book sounds a bit like don't sweat the small stuff (or at least the title does).
I think it is an appropriate title as often we are extremely anxious for nothing.

I spoke to my GP this week and he said he would follow up with asking for the medical review.  He seems to think it may be independent but I think it is just a review with the same doctor who wrote the letter.
I don't think I really appreciated the emotional toll this has taken on me.  It's left me second guessing myself a lot.  I had my lower wisdom teeth out last week and I've been in agony a whole week and just about over-dosed on pain killers but thought that it was normal and that I was the problem.  I have dry sockets, my bone has been exposed plus is infected.
It can be a little challenging putting things in perspective sometimes.

Thank you for the book titles and the support.

Did you find that you were over-eating due to your negative emotions?

[silverwingsto]

There are a couple of books out that have helped me a great deal, and both are by Joyce Meyer, the first one is titled :

Be Anxious for Nothing

and the other one is on Emotions, both can probably be found on Amazon.com

Blessings...

[Jaquta]

I feel frustrated too.  That you care (and respond to my posts) is enough.  
What I have learned from you is that it is never too late to change.  Each moment provides new opportunities and new possibilities.  While I have that, I at least have some hope.

Complex meaning messed up?

I think the expectation is that I continue with therapy indefinitely.  The image of me as an old lady with a zimmer frame attending therapy doesn't inspire me a great deal.

My GP finally had a response from the mhs after over four months.
He actually phoned me after my consult with him today and said that it had arrived.  He said that he would like me to have a copy of it so that we could discuss it, and options, next week.
I don't mind sharing the contents with you.

Dear Dr [surname of my GP]

Firstly, my apologies for the delay in responding to your letter.  As you know I have been involved with J's care ever since her first referral to our service and she has had input from our service intermittently ever since that time.  During that eight years she has had occasional trials of antidepressant medication but in general has been noncompliant with any pharmacological interventions and the mainstay of support has been from the Psychology service with support from Community Mental Health Nursing.

Early on in her care, the possibility of a severe depressive disorder was explored by Dr X, who at one point advocated the possibility of ECT and as you are very aware, the family were outraged by this suggestion and it was not pursued
In more recent times, J engaged well with Dr Y who explored with her some work on a psycho-analytic basis.  Dr Y was a very unusually qualified Psychologist in terms of New Zealand experience as there are very few Psychologists with that level of psychoanalytic experience and it is not possible to replace this on a like for like basis.  At [the hospital] we are not resourced to provide analytic psychotherapy or the level and frequency of contact that is required for this form of treatment.  This is also not available in centres considerably larger than ours such as the [name of area] and [name of another area].

Research in Australia on the cost effectiveness of psychoanalytic psychotherapy has proved it to be a vastly cost ineffective form of treatment and in practice it is only available in the form of Private Practice.

A B [my current T], who is the lead Clinical Psychologist at [the hospital], has continued to work with J and we are happy to explore with her the best means of trying to move her progress forward.  The biggest difficulty has always been J's ability to engage with Psychologists and since Dr Y's departure she has been very focused on the concept that only one form of help is suitable to her.  This is certainly not the case and I hope that she is able to engage with A to look at alternative possibilities.

I do not see in the foreseeable future that we able to offer Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy and there are no plans at present to try and make this available, as in the current economic situation our priorities have to lie elsewhere.

We will continue to offer support both from psychology and nursing input where appropriate and are happy to offer a Medical review as needed.  The focus, however, will be on J's ability to engage with this support.

Yours sincerely

Dr Z
CONSULTANT PSYCHIATRIST

The "World Renown" doctors here propose medication and ect.  
I think there is so much misunderstanding.  I feel it is me but I think it is more specifically about my issues.  For the most part I feel alienated from support.
My GP is very good and very humble.  I think you would like him.  I like him.

I don't understand the function of your comments.  I assume they do have a purpose.  They probably offer a sense of worth.  ??
Your comments remind me of when I was in hospital last year for IV antibiotics.  During the doctor's round the poor little house surgeon was carrying all the truckloads of medical records.  He seemed surplus to requirements.  I say that in a nice way because I understand how important their role actually is.
I'm not needed here (or anywhere).  I think you've coped brilliantly in previous years without my support.  I'm actually probably more of a hindrance.  Sorry!
On some level I feel flattered (especially since you're this 'big doctor') but I just come and go as I please -as do other members.  
I enjoy posting and enjoy listening to other people's stories.  People are incredibly resilient.
Maybe that was the function.  To show me that I care about something.  I care about how people and animals feel.

Actually there was probably a lesson for me to learn from that house surgeon.  He gave me a local just to put a line in which I felt was a bit strange.  Anyway the poor guy was just about falling asleep and in the end a nurse did it.
It is good to challenge (question) your limits when you are vulnerable.  Meaning, I should watch what I write when I am tired, stressed, angry, frustrated or triggered, etc.  

Thanks for listening to my rather messed up thoughts.
Forgot.  My eating has been better the past few days.  I observed that when I went to one extreme (restricted what I ate, exercised too much, etc) that I felt I needed permission from someone else to back off, to ...??  If I can give myself permission before I sabotage myself or reach crisis point I should do a lot better.

I sincerely hope I haven't given you a headache.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I am frustrated by not being able to help you directly and can not give you instant diagnosis advice because you have such complex thought issues.  If only you could find one good doctor to sort this all out....keep looking.  By the way, you have been very helpful as my unofficial assistant...

[Jaquta]

At this rate I'm going to be signing myself up for ect before too long.
I'm frustrated that I can't stick at anything constructive for more than six weeks.