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Anyone Experience Complicated Grief?

Has anyone experienced long term complicated grief ? I lost my brother to suicide in 2001 and it feels like he died just recently. It is still overwhelming for me and I feel like a part of me died with him. Many days I wish he had taken me with him. I also feel extremely guilty for grieving so long when I have family still living. But I can't help it. I loved my brother like we were twins. His suicide was/ is the most devastating event of my life. I have been in therapy for years and still don't know how to overcome this loss.
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20927748 tn?1680431197
Yes I am experiencing this. My sister was mismedicated to Psychosis, stroke delusions , then overdosed, accidental by the doc with so many opiates, Methadone,painkillers, between age 38 dead at 41 in another country.
Them my father contracted 14 hospital acquired infections, which I oversaw as they kept lying for over 2 years of hell , which eventually killed him.
The grief with my sister is the hardest especially since we decided to sue, autopsy... 4.5 years later the lawyer quit the case and I am fighting 4 lawyers although the plaintiff. This keeps me in a state 9f anger, we are the Plaintiff's, yet treated like we are the criminals. It seems insane, almost 5 years now.
Therapy helps but only half an hour a week. I was doing Mindful meditation, surprisingly, did relax me.
I isolate a lot now and I was always a people person
Hard to let go when I have to Relive horrible details, which I can't believe they did.
At times still unbelievable at times.
A lot of time helps ease the suffering. Yet, I don't know anyone in upstate, NY, so find myself alone and no joy, friendship's to have more balance.
U.tube has a wealth of videos about everything and anything.
There is a wealth of information, which does help with changing your thoughts, Acceptance, which is the hardest. I. want them accountable so prescriptions aren't written, filled under a Delusional name and want to bring AWARENESS that a person cannot know a delusion is not real, so no one would tell parents who were begging for help.
Any death is difficult but I tene to look for the logical reasons to accept. Such as my dad lived a good life, married 57 years, built his own business and was elderly.
With my sister I had so much survivors REMORSE. That was really tough.
It does get easier w time but they killed half my family, mother elderly now . Finally saw her after a decade while she tried to care for them and I managed Medical, daily w father.
I. Have learned a lot a long the way but learning is my passion and it probably saves me from a very lonely existence.
That's a problem I find is one of the biggest, isolating and not talking to others about this as they don't get it and people don't want negativity in their lives.
Feel free to contact me
***@**** or not sure how this works and maybe we can offer some experience and support to help.

Please feel free to communicate.


Helpful - 0
2080404 tn?1643113754
i know a little bit about how you feel and i'm sorry for your loss. i lost my brother 6 years ago and i still can't talk about him in therapy without choking up or visibly shaking from it. the usual response is it takes time and while that's true, some days you just want to press fastforward to a point where it doesn't hurt as much. hang in there, it'll get better
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