To go or not to go??

[Caroline565]

The last couple weeks have been particularly bad for me. It has been five months (approaching six) and a few things kind of sent me backwards. I was supposed to attend a party today but just the thought of driving the distance (stress) and the fact that I would be going alone put me in an even sadder place, so I decided to stay home. I just don't know what to do in some situations because I know solitude isn't always the best choice yet I feel sometimes I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to act like I'm perfectly fine (and I am not) and at the same time, I don't want to be like a black cloud hanging above somebody's picnic when it is supposed to be a joyous occaision.(graduation) Tell me what you all are doing during these upcoming summer social events? At what point do you think we should just make ourselves go and paste a smile on our face even if it's forced? I ask this question because I really do not think that one day suddenly we're going to feel like becoming sociable again without forcing ourselves to do it. Your thoughts?

[Caroline565]

Thank-you all for the responses. I should add that up until a couple weeks ago, I was doing better than I am now. Of course, this is hard to explain to people as they feel (and I used to believe) that the longer the time period, the better you are. I think this is very different with the loss of a spouse because I am here in the same house with all his things and all our memories. We were so much apart of each other's lives. Even when I do go somewhere, I miss him being with me so it's kind of like you cannot avoid these feelings traveling along with you. I've just been invited to do something over the weekend, I cannot give an answer. I hope by that time I can shake this feeling!

[mammo]

Sometimes if you force yourself to go somewhere you'd rather not, once there, you do feel better.  I have had to do this many times and have found that being around the other people distracts me and I end up having a good time.  Sometimes, I just don't go.  But just don't allow yourself to get to the point where you are avoiding all social events, as this is not a good place to be.  We all feel anti-social at times, that's fine, just don't allow it to interfere with your everyday life.

[Judy246]

Taking a nice walk helps clear the mind. I actually took small walks around the cemetary and actually began to appreciate the beauty, quiteness, the bird singing and I know mom is in peace and at first I hated the thought that she was there, but now I know she is resting in peace.

[henry576]

Yea            I force myself to do things on weekends and hold back during the week.  I find I temporarily feel better when i exercise.  I'm only 2.5 - 3 months in so its so raw still.  I am sure it's different for everyone.


Hank

[Judy246]

Five months is so very recent for your loss and you are feeling the full impact of your loss and the grief process.

Do not feel obligated to anyone to do something you do not want to do. At this point in time you have to do what is best for you and you don't have to go to a party or any event, if it's going to cause you emotional harm or for the purpose of "save face", to others so to speak to anyone.

Some people have that courage and are able to move forward easily, I say, more powere to them, but other people like myself would find it difficult and uncomforable to go to a party, when I recently buried my love one. It's a personal choice and either choice you make is ok, but don't do it to make anyone happy. Do what is best for you and only time will heal the pain of your loss and it does help to begin slowly to move forward and begin to live your life, but don't do it just to please others. They will understand.  Good Luck, Judy

I

[Beachwalker33]

Well,Caroline,
                       Since I have a six year old I have to put a smile on my face to keep him happy! I recommend before getting social again,going and getting a full body masssage,warm stones,aromatherapy,hot oil the whole bit.You'll be amazed how much more relaxed and better you feel...And then see how you feel.Sunglasses just in case you cry,works for me..In my small town,everyone asked my fiance about my Mom,not me,they were just being respectful.At times before the sunglasses I would cry while driving,still do,in the store,anywhere when my son wasn't with me.In August it will be a year,since my Mom's passing,it doesn't seem like its been that long.If you don't feel like going out,then don't,but as soon as you resume your new life and get adjusted to living without your husband,the easier it will be...God Bless you,Jen P.S.The sooner you realize that everything has changed,the sooner you'll begin to heal!!