Welcome to the forum. However, I don't think I can help.
You understand (intellectually if not emotionally) that your potential exposures were "low or no risk". From your description of the exposure, I agree; there is no chance you caught HIV, even if your partner was infected -- and probably she was not.
You don't say what you mean by "cold sore" symptoms, and you don't say how frequent they are happening. Oral herpes never recurs more often than once every 1-2 months; it your symptoms are more often, then herpes is not the cause. If this problem continues, you should see a doctor about it.
Finally, I would advise you to have an HIV test. Not because I believe you were at real risk (I do not) and not because I believe you have HIV (I do not). But maybe a negative test would help convince you that you don't have it. For most anxious persons, negative testing provides more reassurance than the opinion of an expert.
If you have an HIV test and would like to return with a comment to tell me the result, I will be happy to comment further. Until then, it is pointless to speculate and I won't have any other comments or advice.
Regards-- HHH, MD
well the first time i realized it was frequent is when i developed a cold sore on my lips and when i was fine 2 weeks later i developed again, but it usually happens once in a month, maybe once in 2 months. Even if it is herpes is it at any chance associated with the exposure. And i another i wanted to ask, you did not comment about my other symptoms at all
Since you are at mimimal if any risk of HIV, that cannot explain your symptoms, and we don't speculate on causes of symptoms other than HIV. But your symptoms do not suggest HIV anyway. HIV doesn't cause runny nose, sneezing, or nasal congestion. You caught a cold.
Your recurrent oral herpes also does not suggest you have HIV.
I repeat my main advice: have an HIV test. Until you do that, it is a waste of my time and yours to speculate about all this. In the meantime, I suggest you stop searching the web about this. Like many anxious people, it seems you are being drawn to information that inflames your fears and not seeing the reassuring information.
Let me know your HIV test result, but until then I will delete any other comments.