To Peekawho and all

[farfromperfect]

I'm sorry for my behavior.  I have just never been so scared in my life and I don't know what to do.  I am really, really, sorry for the way that I acted.  I appreciate all of you more than you will ever know.  This is just consuming me and I can't find an out.  Again I apologize.  :(  

[farfromperfect]

Hey guys.  Dr H, does know his stuff.  The thing with this virus is that it reacts differently with different people (much like most other viruses).  Dr H can only deliver the facts that are based on his vast personal experience and what clinical studies have been done.  His information is probably the best you are going to get anywhere.  That being said, we all know that this dis-ease is mysterious and  noone knows everything about it.  

BD, you (like me) are focusing on dis-ease.  Remember my friend, you move towards what you focus on.  You are fine.  Now go to that site I sent you a link to in an earlier post, put in your zip, and get your ass to the nearest rapid testing site.  After that, get them to give you a copy of your negative result, put it in a drawer somewhere, and everytime you start to freak out--read it over and over.  

You are going to what if yourself to death man.  I just got a definitive result, and I would still trade exposures with you.  I was totally unprotected.  You did everything right.  You wore protection, and you are in the clear.  

Peace Friend.  

[bigdummy]

He claims protected sex is no risk. My thinking is maybe there was a whole in the Condom I didn't see or I had a scratch or burst pimple around my penis that Vaginal fluid got into.

Or when I took the condom off, I accidently put contaminated vaginal fluid in the tip of my penis. Either way, he should not have dismissed me so quickly. Its irresponsible.

[regularjoey]

He probably dismissed you for a reason.
Did you have an exposure to HIV?

[bigdummy]

I wouldn't believe every thing that Dr. H says. He totally dismissed me, even though I have all the symptoms.
Farfromperfect, your negative. You should be able to move on.

[regularjoey]

Dr.H told you even before your 12-week test that you cannot have HIV.
Unlike us, he is actually a real person, with his name and reputation on the line.
Why would he tell you that, unless he was absolutely sure???
You need to trust him.

But you went and got your 12-week test anyway, good for you.
Negative of course.

Now just let it go.

Feel better.

[freak_2007]

Sorry didn't mean to aggravate the fear. All i was trying  to do was to tell you that these fears do control our lives albeit for a short duration (how short? is relative i guess). I do understand your desire to get back to the normal usual casual self but. believe me when i say this....things do get better when you go get that final test and thats when u realize how much time you have wasted worrying about something you don't have. Things will slowly start getting back to normal and you will feel normal and everythign will b e the same BUT..when that moment comes again, bringing with it whatever that makes you tickle and fickle, you have to make a choice, whether to pay the small price or the huge penalty later. I am sure after this scare we all would make the better choice.

Farfromperfect..............you have tested negative at 82 days and you are negative. if you want to hear that somewhere else then go to aidsmeds or CDC website. all the symptoms your wife is experiencing are certainly not from HIV and no one here can guess what they might be. "You are thinking how you will break the bad news to everyone?" What bad news? that you have psychosomatic HIV?

chill bro..you are as clear as clear can get. keep telling yourself that and stay away from this and other HIV websites as well. You have gotta put that extra effort to distract yourself. thats all i can say. rest is upto you how you wanna deal with it.

[farfromperfect]

You guys are right.  I, like BD, just want to be able to go back to the happy carefree person I used to be.  I used to be so fun to be around.  Now, I rarely ever even speak.  I am so afraid of this.  My wife is having all sorts of crazy symptoms and I am so, so, afraid that I have passed HIV on to her.  I can't handle this much longer.  Im about to break.  Everyone says 82 day negative test is conclusive on here, but elsewhere they don't.  I am so scared to retest.  I just keep thinking how I am going to break the bad news to everyone.  I hope you guys get to feeling better soon.  I think I am done for.  This fear makes you do crazy things.  Like you guys said, it makes you a different person.  

[freak_2007]

You are so true that people change and become completely different when we have scare like this. all this is just a reminder to all of us in this situation now, that all the good things and free things we tend to take for granted actually come at a very nominal price. either pay that small fee of being careful and you will avoid the huge penalty later or else..

these first scares are like those friendly reminders about outstanding bills that AT&T and MCI used to send before threatening to hand over to a collection agency.

I thins its worth being careful. The question is how careful is careful?

[bigdummy]

I for one understand. Going through this makes you a completly different person. It depresses the hell out of you. I haven't had sex since this started and probably want have any if I'm OK. I wouldn't want to put myself through this again. Its just not worth it. I have been around women, but have avoided sex at all cost. I just wish I can go back to how I use to be. Happier and carefree.