Sex with HIV positive girlfriend

[sparko101]

My new girlfriend recently found out she is HIV positive, probably from a blood transfusion 5 years ago, when she needed a lot of units of blood. She was faithful and married the 20 years prior to meeting me and her ex is negative. Just last week she started taking medication. So, we have had about 4 mos of unprotected sex before she was diagnosed as HIV+. Her testing positive has no affect on me wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. She is 45 and I am 51.

My questions come down to safety and risk. We enjoy an active sex life and I much prefer unprotected sex. I realize the transmission from oral sex is low but what about vaginal sex? What about any type of sex when she's having her period (which seems the most risky time). Would unproteced sex just be a game of Russian roulette with the probability high I will be infected sometime over the next 20 years? I'm just trying to get some type of assessment of the risk and any precautions that might help, SHORT of using a condom. I have no fear of death but do not a death wish either. Thanks.

[sparko101]

Thank you. So I will wait to get tested in a little over two months (last time we had unprotected sex) and use a condom til then.

[avonelle38]

I would suspect she had gotten it from a blood transfusion if she had gotten it before the year of 1985, because in March of that year the U.S. blood supply began to be screened for HIV. For someone receiving a blood transfusion in the U.S. after 1985, their chances of getting HIV from it are LESS than 1 in 2 million... it's really almost impossible with how good blood centers are with screening donations, but then again nothing is impossible. If she truly got it from a transfusion that is pretty tragic and I wish the best for both of you.

However, you are most certainly playing Russian roulette and as someone above said, it's not "if" you will get it- it's "when." If you continue to have an active unprotected sex lifestyle with an HIV+ person, you WILL get HIV eventually. It's inevitable. If you do not already have it, I would strongly advise wearing condoms for all vaginal/anal sex. Your test should be taken 3 months after the LAST time you had unprotected sex with her, and if it's negative, then you are negative and should take every precaution to remain that way. Good luck.

[sparko101]

Well, i get tested this week, so I will know where I stand soon. Whether positive or negative, I'll get a lot smarter on this and consider your advice.

[sparko101]

Yes, at a very good hospital in the Washington D.C. suburbs. No one can think of another way it could have happened. About five years ago she had a miscariage and lost a lot of blood, she almost died, and was given many units of blood. Unless some other freak way she got infected, this is the best explanation anyone can think of.

[Teak]

Blood transfusion in the US?

[lanvin]

Thats a many loaded questions and thoughts. UNfortunatley if you keep having unprotected sex with her ite not a question of if but when? It will happen if it hasn't already. Also you may not be afraid of death but HIV is not a death sentence, but ask anyone whos HIV positive, life isn't easy and not good for your pocketbook.  iTs also not good to keep having unprotected sex even if you're both HIV positive. Its potentially dangerous to keep passing the illness back and forth. I would resommend keeping yourself safe so that you can better be there for her..you are no good to anyone sick as well. ANd also consulting an HIV specialist that can help you better with risks and such and what to do in this mixed relationship.  Good LUck to you both!