Aa
For everyone.
I wrote this for farfromperfect, but after finishing it, I realized that maybe one or two of you might find it useful.
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"Stop giving a disease so much power over you. Take back your power.
Here's a tip that a very, very old nurse gave me back when I was a nurses aide at 18 in a nursing home. I was working in the worst area of the home, where they keep the most horrible cases, people who eat their feces, smear them, are pretty much insane all the time. We had to feed them, dress them, and sit them in the day room every day. After the 2nd day, I went to this nurse, crying that I hated it and couldn't do it. She gave me this advice that has gotten me through a lot of tough times.
If you are in a situation and don't like it, ACT as if you do like it. Try it just for a week. She told me to go in every day with a smile on my face, hug the residents of the unit, giggle with them, and ACT as though it was the best job in the world. To act until I could get an academy award. I thought she was insane, but as I needed the job to get through nursing school, I tried it.
FFP, it was very hard. But I went around acting as though I loved these people that repulsed and frightened me. I bathed them and cared for them, and fed them as though they were my very own parents. You know what? After a bit, it became the truth. I learned their names, their histories, learned that they never had family coming to see them, nothing. We arranged birthday parties, brought our dogs and cats in to visit, and just basically started treating them with honor and respect, and joy.
What I'm asking you to do is what that nurse asked me to try. ACT as though you are not afraid of HIV. Do not come back here, unless it is to offer kind and supporting words to the ones who haven't come as far as you. ACT each day confidently, as if you are not fearing "the dreadful disease". Part of acting this way is to stop examining your body. Pretend you are going for an academy award for NOT being afraid of this disease. ACT as though you are confident, strong, and healthy.
For you see, my friend...when you ACT AS IF, you eventually BECOME. I acted as if I loved those old people, and eventually I did! Please, each day, act as if you are not afraid.
I feel a special connection to you. You seem salvagable. I hate that you are giving up your power to a disease. To a virus. THAT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE. "
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"Stop giving a disease so much power over you. Take back your power.
Here's a tip that a very, very old nurse gave me back when I was a nurses aide at 18 in a nursing home. I was working in the worst area of the home, where they keep the most horrible cases, people who eat their feces, smear them, are pretty much insane all the time. We had to feed them, dress them, and sit them in the day room every day. After the 2nd day, I went to this nurse, crying that I hated it and couldn't do it. She gave me this advice that has gotten me through a lot of tough times.
If you are in a situation and don't like it, ACT as if you do like it. Try it just for a week. She told me to go in every day with a smile on my face, hug the residents of the unit, giggle with them, and ACT as though it was the best job in the world. To act until I could get an academy award. I thought she was insane, but as I needed the job to get through nursing school, I tried it.
FFP, it was very hard. But I went around acting as though I loved these people that repulsed and frightened me. I bathed them and cared for them, and fed them as though they were my very own parents. You know what? After a bit, it became the truth. I learned their names, their histories, learned that they never had family coming to see them, nothing. We arranged birthday parties, brought our dogs and cats in to visit, and just basically started treating them with honor and respect, and joy.
What I'm asking you to do is what that nurse asked me to try. ACT as though you are not afraid of HIV. Do not come back here, unless it is to offer kind and supporting words to the ones who haven't come as far as you. ACT each day confidently, as if you are not fearing "the dreadful disease". Part of acting this way is to stop examining your body. Pretend you are going for an academy award for NOT being afraid of this disease. ACT as though you are confident, strong, and healthy.
For you see, my friend...when you ACT AS IF, you eventually BECOME. I acted as if I loved those old people, and eventually I did! Please, each day, act as if you are not afraid.
I feel a special connection to you. You seem salvagable. I hate that you are giving up your power to a disease. To a virus. THAT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE. "
I didn't mean it like that. I tell my mother the same thing when she goes and buys nice clothes or something. I say who are you trying to impress? you've already had your fun, now just relax and enjoy being old.
I had such plans for my 30s, I wanted to open a business of some kind, have kids get married, become an actual grown up.
I had such plans for my 30s, I wanted to open a business of some kind, have kids get married, become an actual grown up.
I'm a week individual when it comes to things like this. I've always felt stong and tough to a certain degree. I use to box and I loved it. But when it comes down to things like HIV, and when I think about how my life would change, I damn near **** my pants or sh*t on myself. My stomach starts to turn. I get hot, and have trouble breathing. The Doc yesterday noticed my blood pressure goes up drastically when I talk about it.
When it comes down to it I'm a very week person emotionally. I don't even know if I have HIV, and its kicking my a$$. I'm not a man right now, I'm a scared little boy who don't know what to do. The woman that I was with took my manhood away from me. I feel helpless.
When it comes down to it I'm a very week person emotionally. I don't even know if I have HIV, and its kicking my a$$. I'm not a man right now, I'm a scared little boy who don't know what to do. The woman that I was with took my manhood away from me. I feel helpless.
I had plans too. I am in my early 20's and might not be able to get married or have kids. My life might be over. Sure, you will all say HIV isnt the end, that I would have years left to live with meds. What a nice life.
I want to have kids and a husband and a nice life and die an old lady in my bed surrounded by my family. Not a life with HIV that will shorten my life.
I want to have kids and a husband and a nice life and die an old lady in my bed surrounded by my family. Not a life with HIV that will shorten my life.
Your also going on 50, you've basically had all of your fun, where kids you have to remember. I hope and pray I will live to you and Teaks age someday.
BD, she didn't take it away. YOU ARE GIVING IT AWAY RIGHT NOW. You are not helpless. You have made yourself feel helpless.
What you need to do is to "act as if". As if you are not afraid. As if you are confident and strong. ACT YOUR FREAKING A$$ OFF. I wish you would try.
Take back your power.
What you need to do is to "act as if". As if you are not afraid. As if you are confident and strong. ACT YOUR FREAKING A$$ OFF. I wish you would try.
Take back your power.
I'm almost 50 and I've had all my fun, huh? Guess I should just curl up and die now. I could tell you a thing or two right now, mister.
Christ on a pony, I almost felt some sympathy for you. ALMOST.
Christ on a pony, I almost felt some sympathy for you. ALMOST.
The man who took off the condoms stole my trust and if he gave me HIV, he has stolen my life away also. I will never trust a man again after this, maybe one day after lots of therpay and counseling.
The reason I am panicking is because if I have HIV then my bf will know that I was with another man while we were on a break and it would break his heart.
I cant pretend to be ok right now. I dont sleep anymore. I get panic attacks so bad that if my hand wasnt shaking so bad I would call 911.
The reason I am panicking is because if I have HIV then my bf will know that I was with another man while we were on a break and it would break his heart.
I cant pretend to be ok right now. I dont sleep anymore. I get panic attacks so bad that if my hand wasnt shaking so bad I would call 911.
lmao.
I doubt any young woman will want to do it with a wrinkly old 95 year old. Sick!
I want to live to be around 100-105 so I can write a book about my life. I want to have a peaceful ending in my bed surrounded by my cats and family after a nice piece of cheeseake.
I feel like it will never happen.
If I have HIV I will end up dying young, alone, with no family.
I doubt any young woman will want to do it with a wrinkly old 95 year old. Sick!
I want to live to be around 100-105 so I can write a book about my life. I want to have a peaceful ending in my bed surrounded by my cats and family after a nice piece of cheeseake.
I feel like it will never happen.
If I have HIV I will end up dying young, alone, with no family.
Umm, every heard of Anna Nicole Smith? How do you think that old guy died. And she was with him when she still had that playboy body. As soon as she stipped he had a heart attack.
It was just a fanatsy.
It was just a fanatsy.
where the same age.
I always thought I would die like every man wants to die. 85-95 years old high on viagra having sex with a younger woman. And right when I'm about to blow off to the afterlife go. Now thats a way to go.
I always thought I would die like every man wants to die. 85-95 years old high on viagra having sex with a younger woman. And right when I'm about to blow off to the afterlife go. Now thats a way to go.
are you a multi millionaire?
Then maybe you can land a young woman when you are old, lol
Then maybe you can land a young woman when you are old, lol
hopefully when I'm that old I'll have a few bucks in the bank account. At that point in life I wouldn't care about HIV or anything else. Id pay for me a cute little thing thats working her way through college. And just try my best to find some energy. My back is bad now, I'm affraid if I live that long I'd either need a Rascal or a wheelchair to get around.
Your story is beautiful. Thank you on behalf of everybody for sharing it. The words about encouraging others...yes, you are right. That's what we all need after all. That's, perhaps, why we all found this forum...or at least why we're still posting. The feeling that we are not alone after all.
And now...I am going to try for that Oscar.
Again...thank you.
And now...I am going to try for that Oscar.
Again...thank you.
"I cant pretend to be ok right now. I dont sleep anymore. I get panic attacks so bad that if my hand wasnt shaking so bad I would call 911. "
I actually did this... :(
I actually did this... :(
I knew there would only be a chance for one or two people to understand and "get it". Cliff, I'm glad you are one.
Try it. It doesn't cost anything. You don't have to have insurance. You don't have to tell a soul.. Act as if, and you will eventually believe it and become it.
Look at everyone here--they are acting as if they have HIV, and sure enough, they develop all the symptoms. They are becoming diseased with a disease they don't even have.
No one can take anyones trust or power unless you allow it. Most of these people on the forums are freely offering it up.
Try it. It doesn't cost anything. You don't have to have insurance. You don't have to tell a soul.. Act as if, and you will eventually believe it and become it.
Look at everyone here--they are acting as if they have HIV, and sure enough, they develop all the symptoms. They are becoming diseased with a disease they don't even have.
No one can take anyones trust or power unless you allow it. Most of these people on the forums are freely offering it up.
I think I have HIV. I think I will be the one here to test positive since I had multiple exposures.
I want to help others here, but I cant help others until I can help myself, and I am helpless right now. I am paralyzed with fear.
I want to help others here, but I cant help others until I can help myself, and I am helpless right now. I am paralyzed with fear.
Blue I predict 1 of us will test Pos., and it want be you. You've already been told by a Doc you have mono. I've been told by a Doc that I'm basically healthy, which leads me to believe that whats wrong with me, I need a blood test to tell.
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