?"safe" encounter with HIV + male

[sgf12345]

7 weeks ago I had sex with a man(I'm gay)who is HIV+. I played safe but now am 2nd guessing if I was

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

It's up to you if or when to get tested; I cannot make that decision for you.  As you suggest, the risk from this exposure was low enough that testing is not necessary, and most likely it is safe for you to have sex with your new HIV negative partner.  On the other hand, you wouldn't ask the question if you weren't anxious about it, and most likely my reassurance will not have as much meaning as a negative test result would.  Seven weeks is plenty of time for seroconversion with modern HIV tests, so you could be tested now if you wish.

Best wishes--  HHH, MD

[sgf12345]

Dear Dr:  In fact, your reassurance DOES mean a great deal to me.  It seems like I can now comfortably put myself in the category of being more likely to get struck by lightning than having contracted HIV from this exposure, and will carry on accordingly.  Thanks for your rapid reply.

[worriedtongue]

I'm glad to hear that the doctor thinks you will probably be OK. I really hope so. A quick question though and this is not meant to be condescending in any way shape or form but why would anyone who is HIV- involve themselves (presumably safe or not) sexually with someone who they know to be HIV+. Safe or not it appears to me that you are in a lot more of a risky situation regardless of the fact if you are practising safe sex or not.

Is there time spent with the HIV+ person worth all the anxiety? Please don't take this the wrong way - I'm just trying to understand becuase I can't imagine I would ever do anything sexual with someone who I knew was HIV+.

[sgf12345]

i guess that is something that each individual has to decide for themselves.  some people would say that having sex with an HIV + person is not worth the risk, others would differ.  no one can either make that choice for someone else, nor can they judge another's decision, i think.  it is important for you to know where your boundary is.  and to remember that it may be a fluid boundary.  for example, some neg people may think that having sex with a poz person is not OK if is is a one night stand, or a short term thing likd a holiday fling, but IS ok if it is someone with whome they are building a long term relationship.  this is an interesting line of thought, but would best be discussed (and i'll bet there would be a lively discussion about it) on the patient to patient unmoderated forum.  My goal was simply to try and get the Dr's opinion of my risk as the expert and see whether it confirmed or disagreed with my own risk assessment as a non-expert.