killing me/anxiety stress

[wombat72]

Hi again everyone, This is regarding my last two posts (can`t believe my stupidity and anxiety )
Wife and kids have arrived now and my head is even more messed up. Can`t deal with the guilt and stress. Haven't slept for days and continually sweating especially at night. I know that I am going to have to tell my wife as I don`t see any other way out of it. She already knows that something is wrong and keeps asking me whats up ? I know my risk was very low ie protected vaginal sex with chinese sex worker in Dubai 12 days ago, but can`t help thinking the worst that somehow I have contracted Aids. I won

[Teak]

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/Risk/show/997559?personal_page_id=600444&post_id=post_4653016

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[mseb090909]

Hi guys!

I write because i´m in your shoes.... (see my post if u will). I go thru hell, i´m trying to not have sex with my wife, specially that she is pregnant. I´m so afraid that i might have caught HIV that this is all that i think off, it´s killing me, on top i have a very demanding job and horrible headaches..... Why is it always us guys, why are we so dumb to do these things when life is so good otherwise with family, kids etc... It seems sometimes that we deliberately look for trouble to get out of a monotony of daily life, but the price we pay. Me like You, I think that because i´ve done this i am a very bad person when all i get from my wife is pure love and trust.... I hate myself... I believe actually that i´m gonna be punished by contracting HIV. I know that the doc said i had no risks at all... but why is it so hard to accept???? I just can´t not expose my wife and future kid to harm....so worried. You guys been more than exceptional on this forum, and thank u (i guess i speak for all of us) for the time that you put to try to give us a piece of mind. Anyway if any of u read my original post, please let me know your opinions.... I wrote to the doc few days back because i started i guess convincing myself that the condom might have been upsidedown WOULD IT STILL BE REALLY EFFECTIVE???? I know it my anxieties....Is it really safe for me to be intimate with my wife??? As for me i can´t tell my wife about this as i know she will leave me and my future child with her, and i wouldn´t blame her. All i can hope for is that i´m gonna be ok, and i guess i need to take the test in few weeks to convince myself. Thank You.

[peekawho]

Exactly!  You're thinking that since you were "bad", you will receive the ultimate "punishment".  

Nothing could be furthur from the truth.  In fact, the vast majority of sex workers do NOT have HIV.  

Don't ruin the lives of your wife and children to try to make yourself feel less guilty.  

[txtony]

dude, you were totally protected.period. i wont play the numbers game.  if the condom was intact, in other words didnt not pop.  you are totally safe. some ww here have had unprotected, symptoms and yet not infected by hiv.
i can see this guilt is causing havoc on your relationship.  i agree with peekawho, dont tell her.
it was a mistake. protected. symptoms, sure, probably anxiety. probably some cold virus. not hiv. try to get on with your life.  you dont even need testing for this.

[WorriedT]

Hi Wombat72. I think you should listen to peekawho and bamboosalt. Your guilt and anxiety are making you think you should be punished, but you may end up punishing not just yourself, but also your family for what I hope is a single, silly event. Think about this very carefully before you do anything and somewhere in all the guilt, try and find a clear head before making any decisions. Don't make the decision from a position of guilt and self-punishment - it's too important for you and your family to do that.

[wombat72]

Thanks guys for your quick responses, it makes me feel a bit better even if momentarily. I have run through that night 1000 time a day since the incident ie she put condom on, sex for about 5 mins, then she took it off with tissues even rembering that the colour of the condom was black. But the anxiety and stress have a good grip and i keep telling myself that I was realy drunk and maybe it happened some other way even though I know it didn't. I know she probably didn`t even have HIV but think that all sex workers must have HIV. Can`t stop sweating this is ridiculous !

[wombat72]

Thanks everyone, stsrting to get a little perspective now. Don`t know what I would do without this forum and the great people who post here. God Bless.

[billyDon]

if you re NEG  - don t tell your wife - just go and SIN NO MORE- i ll say a prayer for you

[eaman]

I think you need to remove your self from the worry and look at the issue with a new perspective.  If a friend told you what you have said, you would tell them not to worry about HIV, correctly.  Your issue is guilt.  For that you need to try and talk to a shrink or lock it away in a vault in your mind.  The fact is, many people have skeltons in their closets,and that is where they stay.  If you feel you really have to do the right thing and tell her about your doing the worng thing, you are simply removing the stress from your self and passing it to her.  Time to put it out of your mind.

[bamboosalt]

please dont think about HIV too much.

u had protected sex, the risk is 0.00000000001.
onbody knows what you have done during your sex, but, since everything with condom, you are fine for sure.

in my case , i did not have condom at my room, so we just did almost everything we could except oral and anal. i am still worring about it.

[peekawho]

I read the post where you describe the incident, and you can safely say that there was no risk of contracting HIV.  If you are still this upset and overwhelmed with obsessive thinking about such a non-event, you can also safely say that guilt and anxiety are your major problems, not HIV.

I guess seeing a therapist is out of the question where you are now.  I personally (speaking as a wife) would not want my husband to try to alleviate his guilt by telling me about a one time mistake that was totally protected.  If indeed it was a one time mistake.  If this is repetitive behavior, yes I'd want to know.  But a one time, drunken mistake such as this...I think I'd rather be happily in the dark.  

Will she leave you if you tell her?  Will telling her improve her life in any measurable way? Are you actually trying to relieve your own guilt by telling her?  You can safely have unprotected sex with her, if things were indeed as you described.  Your "symptoms" are classic for anxiety, which you HAVE to admit you have.  

I wish I could help, but you're caught in the same guilt trap that most of the others here are.  I doubt you will believe that you didn't contract HIV.  I bet you will tell your wife and send your relationship into a tailspin.  I hope it can all be resolved, since it was totally unecessary.  See a therapist if you can to unload your guilt on someone besides your wife.  

I wish you the best of luck.