anxiety because of actual symptoms

[jw9949]

I saw a csw 2 weeks ago tomorrow. Chinese woman in SF, mid 20's came to my hotel. Protected oral and vaginal. I did not push all the way in, so the condom was always covering all parts of penis. I thought I saw something blood  on the condom so I stopped went to the bathroom and washed off. (It wasn't blood, I think it was a vein on the inside that looked dark through the condom.)  Took it off, washed with soap and water thoroughly.  I am hyper concerned about catching something. The woman said she was tested a few months earlier and was clean.  Anyway, a week later I came down with a sore throat for a couple of days, then headaches for a few days, yesterday my arm hurt and today diarrhea.   I slept with my wife 6 days after the event and she has since had a sore throat, woke up sweaty one night and today has headaches. I understand my anxiety making me freak out, but how on earth can my wife be having these same things I am having??  I am so scared I feel like I am going to throw up all of the time.  If I infected the mother of my children I don't know how i could live with myself.

I know from what I read that this should be no risk.  If I were infected, would it show up on a test now?   I won't even go look at the other symptoms people have when infected for fear it will spike my fears.  If I was infected could I have given it to her and she show symptoms within a few days.  I don't think I can wait a long time to be tested.  I am losing my mind.  

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

I agree entirely that your and your wife's similar symptoms suggest you are sharing the same infection.  But that says nothing about the cause, and I explained above why it almost certainly is some virus other than HIV.

And yes, I truly believe that your situation does not warrant HIV testing at all.  However, that is purely a medical judgment.  I still believe you should be tested, for emotional/psychological reasons.  It is clear that your mind is laser-beam focused on your sexual indiscretion and the fear that you have HIV.  While my words may be helpful (I certainly hope they are), they are unlikely to take away all your fear.  Only a negative test result will do that.

When symptom are due to HIV, the antibody test almost always is positive within 10 days of onset.  So an early negative test will be reassuring.  But I still recommend you be tested at standard intervals; please re-read my advice above.  I also recommend you see a health care provider about all this, i.e. not use anonymous testing through an online service.  Personal evaluation by a knowledgeable clinician will reinforce my advice and opinion.

That will end this thread for now.  Feel free to post your HIV test result when you have it.  Until then I will have no other comments or advice.

[jw9949]

Thanks.  The concern is coming from the regret and fear, but also because her symptoms mirror mine.  She woke this morning with the same stomach bug I got yesterday and has the same soreness on the side of the neck where mine was sore last week. (I don't want to guess about swollen glands. Sometimes they feel large, others not so much, so I think my anxiety makes it impossible to judge.)  I'll try not to freak out as bad.  When someone does become infected, does it show up when they test early? I know the three month window is to rule it out, but could I at least rule out that what I am dealing with now is not it, for peace of mind?  
Lastly, and I appreciate what you do here, in your opinion, you believe my situation doesn't warrant testing at all?

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Welcome to the forum.  I'll try to help.

You are exactly right with "from what I read that this should be no risk".  You had sex with a woman who is very unlikely to have HIV, and with condom protection for both vaginal and oral sex, you could not have been infected even if she has it.

Your symptoms do not sound at all like those of an HIV infection.  They are, however, typical for a common cold or other garden variety virus. You could have caught such a virus from your CSW partner, or from anyone in your vicinity; and of course you could have then given it to your wife.  Or both you and your wife might have been exposed to someone else with such an infection.  Apparently you have children, and of course young kids bring home infections from school or day care all the time -- even if the kids themselves are well.

Since you could not possible have acquired HIV, you should be having no worries about it.  Your garden variety viral infection is just a coincidence, and you do not need to be tested for HIV.  But if you remain nervous about it, a standard HIV antibody test would be accurate 6-8 weeks after your CW adventure; or you could have a duo test (for both HIV antibody and p24 antigen), which is accurate at 4 weeks.  Your local health department or your personal physician can advise you about these options.  And of course if your viral symptoms persist, see your doctor about them.  

You're overreacting largely out of anxiety over  a sexual experience you regret.  But don't let it get out of hand.  Really, don't worry about HIV.  No chance.  

Regards--  HHH, MD