Aa
Just Curious
Hello Doctors,
I have a quick question.. Well more like I just would like some type of reassurance. I had a 6 month relationship with a 45 year old African American Male from the west side of Chicago. I am a 30 year old Caucasian female. This gentleman and I worked together and he was not bi-sexual has not been an IV drug user but has "been around" and actually in his younger days was incarcerated and he is uncircumsized. he has children some are grown and I believe the youngest child is one years old but no older then three. we started the relationship off having protected sexual intercourse and then as our relationship progressed we simply did not. I am a Masters level Social Worker who consistantly preaches the use of Condoms but I was also thinking that this man and I were in a monogamous relationship but this was not the case. Clearly, I have become anxiety ridden because I read that the rates among African Americans and HIV are high and I would like to know If you think I have really put myself in jeopardy. Do you think I have a greater risk of having HIV from this relationship? I did ask him about his HIV status, and since we have broken up, we maintain contact and I asked him again and he told me he loves himself and would not play with his life. I have asked him many times and he often gets mad thinking I am accusing him of having something. I also want to add that every time we were together in the beginning of the relationship he always had or bought the condoms, which I find reassuring but I am still concerned with the facts that he is African American as well as becasue he has slept with many women. I just want your advice, I would like to know if you feel that this was a really high risk exposure? I also am not an IV drug user and do not engage in any type of high risk behavior. I have recently had a brest mass removed and a biopsy, nothing to note there. I would really like your opinion in this matter. thank you!
I have a quick question.. Well more like I just would like some type of reassurance. I had a 6 month relationship with a 45 year old African American Male from the west side of Chicago. I am a 30 year old Caucasian female. This gentleman and I worked together and he was not bi-sexual has not been an IV drug user but has "been around" and actually in his younger days was incarcerated and he is uncircumsized. he has children some are grown and I believe the youngest child is one years old but no older then three. we started the relationship off having protected sexual intercourse and then as our relationship progressed we simply did not. I am a Masters level Social Worker who consistantly preaches the use of Condoms but I was also thinking that this man and I were in a monogamous relationship but this was not the case. Clearly, I have become anxiety ridden because I read that the rates among African Americans and HIV are high and I would like to know If you think I have really put myself in jeopardy. Do you think I have a greater risk of having HIV from this relationship? I did ask him about his HIV status, and since we have broken up, we maintain contact and I asked him again and he told me he loves himself and would not play with his life. I have asked him many times and he often gets mad thinking I am accusing him of having something. I also want to add that every time we were together in the beginning of the relationship he always had or bought the condoms, which I find reassuring but I am still concerned with the facts that he is African American as well as becasue he has slept with many women. I just want your advice, I would like to know if you feel that this was a really high risk exposure? I also am not an IV drug user and do not engage in any type of high risk behavior. I have recently had a brest mass removed and a biopsy, nothing to note there. I would really like your opinion in this matter. thank you!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the HIV forum. I'll try to help.
You obviously have a pretty good understanding of the risks and predictors of HIV infection. In the US, HIV rates are much higher in African Americans than in other race/ethnicity groups, and that high rate is driven in part by high rates of incarceration among African American men. Lesser rates of circumcision and higher rates of genital herpes due to HSV-2 in AA populations also are epidemiologic facts of life and these also serve to enhance overall HIV rates.
Of course it also remains true that the large majority of AA men like your former partner do not have HIV. One thing that makes me a little concerned is the way you describe his response to your question about his HIV status. If he said directly "I have been tested (preferably recently) with negative results", that usually can be believed; people rarely lie when asked directly. But the way your wrote your question suggests he might have given a less direct (evasive?) reply.
Of course the way to deal with this situation is not to speculate about the odds. It is to have an HIV test. You imply but don't say directly that the relationship is now over. How long ago? If 4-6 weeks have passed since your last unprotected sex with him, just have an HIV antibody test; plus maybe one more test at 3 months to be 100% certain. You can expect negative results, but of course better safe than sorry. And while you're at it, get tested for common STDs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and perhaps HSV-2.
Finally, you imply guilt or uncertainty about your condom use with this gentleman. As far as I am concerned, you have no reason for apology on that score. You used condoms initially, until the relationship was maturing. For practical purposes, it is difficult to expect more. Don't beat yourself up over that aspect.
I hope this helps. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
You obviously have a pretty good understanding of the risks and predictors of HIV infection. In the US, HIV rates are much higher in African Americans than in other race/ethnicity groups, and that high rate is driven in part by high rates of incarceration among African American men. Lesser rates of circumcision and higher rates of genital herpes due to HSV-2 in AA populations also are epidemiologic facts of life and these also serve to enhance overall HIV rates.
Of course it also remains true that the large majority of AA men like your former partner do not have HIV. One thing that makes me a little concerned is the way you describe his response to your question about his HIV status. If he said directly "I have been tested (preferably recently) with negative results", that usually can be believed; people rarely lie when asked directly. But the way your wrote your question suggests he might have given a less direct (evasive?) reply.
Of course the way to deal with this situation is not to speculate about the odds. It is to have an HIV test. You imply but don't say directly that the relationship is now over. How long ago? If 4-6 weeks have passed since your last unprotected sex with him, just have an HIV antibody test; plus maybe one more test at 3 months to be 100% certain. You can expect negative results, but of course better safe than sorry. And while you're at it, get tested for common STDs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and perhaps HSV-2.
Finally, you imply guilt or uncertainty about your condom use with this gentleman. As far as I am concerned, you have no reason for apology on that score. You used condoms initially, until the relationship was maturing. For practical purposes, it is difficult to expect more. Don't beat yourself up over that aspect.
I hope this helps. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Thanks for the thanks about the forum. We try to help. But I won't comment on the relationship issues, which is off the theme of this forum, as I'm sure you understand.
You still don't say anything about your own HIV test result. I hope that does not mean you are debating with yourself about it. Just do it. Feel free to return one more time to let me know the result.
You still don't say anything about your own HIV test result. I hope that does not mean you are debating with yourself about it. Just do it. Feel free to return one more time to let me know the result.
Thank you for your reply. The relationship has been over since January of this year. I did not want to go on and on with details when asking my question but he also told me that he had a negative hiv test one month before we started dating, but again he could be just telling me this to allievate my fears and anxiety or maybe just to shut me up either way you are right I should be tested. For all practical purposes Dr. I think I have guilt about the relationship anyway because my family was STRONGLY against my relationship with this man mainly due to the fact that he was Black, I am Italian and it did not go over well, I decided to keep the relationship going against their wishes and when it did not work out, I think I experienced a lot of guilt just about it in general. I also have been going through some "symptoms" white film on my tounge and thinking that I have sores in my mouth and muscle aches, all which I believe to be guilt and general anxiety. I agree with you on that point, you were dead on. Thank you for your advice in this matter and I appreciate your timely response. I have been reading a lot of your threads and I think the information you give is very straight forward and in my case, as with others, reassuring. Its always good to get advice from an expert.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I meant to also say that even if your partner is infected, the chance of transmission probably was low; the risk for unprotected vaginal sex (male to female) averages once for every 1,000 episodes. So all things considered, the odds are strongly in your favor.
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