Aa
Losing my mind thinking i got HIV!
Hello,
I was just wondering if you could help me cool my nerves. I recently (4 weeks ago) had unprotected sex with my boyfriend of 1 yr. I know it was wrong, got caught up in the moment, etc. Anyways he lives in the caribbean and i live in the states. When i got back home i started hearing stories from people who know him there saying that before i knew him how he has aids and he was admitted into a mad house because he couldnt deal with it. I asked him about the stories, he refuses to talk about them. I asked him if there is any chance he could have aids he said no. I asked if he has ever taken a test, he said never. I asked him if i am the only girl he has ever had sex with w/o a condom he said No, that there was a girl before me and he never wore condoms while with her. They have a 2yr old together and im still hearing that he has been sneaking around with her still, sex without condoms. When she had the child, wouldnt the doctors have told her she had hiv or anything like that? Ok, im losing my mind! Neither one of them has ever taken a test! I remember before going to be with him last month i went to the doc and took a test, checked for std's the works and i proved to be ok. I remember asking him to do a test as well, he said it would cost $90 and he didnt have that kind of money and that he was healthy. Anywho now that im back home i have been reading up on the signs of hiv and i swear to god i have all of them! I don't know if i'm making myself crazy or what but my thoart is abit sore, a bit of a burning feeling, same with my tongue. I feel tired, i urinate often, i have a shakyness in my hands, lost of appetiate, i cant sleep, i have 2 small cuts inside my mouth, swollen lymp, when i move my neck left or right it hurts abit, i even have some serious stomach pains, so bad i had to go to the emergency walk in, its like a tight squeezing feeling, a bit crampish...the list goes on. I did a std test recently and it came back with nothing, i was relieved but they said to wait 3 months before doing a hiv test...i can't wait that long!!! Anyways my family doctor did a hiv test on me anyways but im afraid the test will show im negative if i am positive. I just need some piece of mind. I know i shouldnt have done it w/o a condom but i read somewhere that if i have a cut in the vagina or anywhere near there i can get the virus that way. I dont have any cuts down there! I asked him if he released inside of me he said yes, but im on the pills so i wasnt worried about pregnancy. Now im worried that his semen may be carrying hiv and it has been passed on to me. Whats scares me the most is that to this day i ask him to please go and get tested, he refuses and says its a waste of time he is healthy. I keep telling him he can feel healthy and has no signs but infact the virus could be inside. PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do. I cant focus, i even took time off work because i can't focus on the job, this is all i think about and i just need some facts on what we did and based on our history if we both will be ok. I am still waiting on my test results for HIV and i know if its negative i will have to do a second one and im not looking forward to that. Any advice on what i can do? are these signs real and mean something or am i making myself go crazy? based on his history is there a chance he could have aids and since he never took a test doesnt know his status? Any info or advise you can give me would really help because im not to clear on how u can get hiv, i never thought about it and now here i am obsessed thinking i have it night and day!!!
I was just wondering if you could help me cool my nerves. I recently (4 weeks ago) had unprotected sex with my boyfriend of 1 yr. I know it was wrong, got caught up in the moment, etc. Anyways he lives in the caribbean and i live in the states. When i got back home i started hearing stories from people who know him there saying that before i knew him how he has aids and he was admitted into a mad house because he couldnt deal with it. I asked him about the stories, he refuses to talk about them. I asked him if there is any chance he could have aids he said no. I asked if he has ever taken a test, he said never. I asked him if i am the only girl he has ever had sex with w/o a condom he said No, that there was a girl before me and he never wore condoms while with her. They have a 2yr old together and im still hearing that he has been sneaking around with her still, sex without condoms. When she had the child, wouldnt the doctors have told her she had hiv or anything like that? Ok, im losing my mind! Neither one of them has ever taken a test! I remember before going to be with him last month i went to the doc and took a test, checked for std's the works and i proved to be ok. I remember asking him to do a test as well, he said it would cost $90 and he didnt have that kind of money and that he was healthy. Anywho now that im back home i have been reading up on the signs of hiv and i swear to god i have all of them! I don't know if i'm making myself crazy or what but my thoart is abit sore, a bit of a burning feeling, same with my tongue. I feel tired, i urinate often, i have a shakyness in my hands, lost of appetiate, i cant sleep, i have 2 small cuts inside my mouth, swollen lymp, when i move my neck left or right it hurts abit, i even have some serious stomach pains, so bad i had to go to the emergency walk in, its like a tight squeezing feeling, a bit crampish...the list goes on. I did a std test recently and it came back with nothing, i was relieved but they said to wait 3 months before doing a hiv test...i can't wait that long!!! Anyways my family doctor did a hiv test on me anyways but im afraid the test will show im negative if i am positive. I just need some piece of mind. I know i shouldnt have done it w/o a condom but i read somewhere that if i have a cut in the vagina or anywhere near there i can get the virus that way. I dont have any cuts down there! I asked him if he released inside of me he said yes, but im on the pills so i wasnt worried about pregnancy. Now im worried that his semen may be carrying hiv and it has been passed on to me. Whats scares me the most is that to this day i ask him to please go and get tested, he refuses and says its a waste of time he is healthy. I keep telling him he can feel healthy and has no signs but infact the virus could be inside. PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do. I cant focus, i even took time off work because i can't focus on the job, this is all i think about and i just need some facts on what we did and based on our history if we both will be ok. I am still waiting on my test results for HIV and i know if its negative i will have to do a second one and im not looking forward to that. Any advice on what i can do? are these signs real and mean something or am i making myself go crazy? based on his history is there a chance he could have aids and since he never took a test doesnt know his status? Any info or advise you can give me would really help because im not to clear on how u can get hiv, i never thought about it and now here i am obsessed thinking i have it night and day!!!
That's AWESOME!!! and here I am losing my mind over a No Risk situation because of all my "symptoms".
Tuesday Morning i recieved a call from the health center saying my results as in and that i needed to come in.
I had planned to go and get results no matter what but i chickened out and got scared.
didnt go.
Wednesday, same phone call again, i need to come in to get my results because they are concerned about me. Said to myself i was gonna go in, chicken out, didn't go.
Thursday, got the call again, told them upfront to tell me the results over the phone, they said no they can not and that i had to come in. Aight i said **** it, im gonna go in.
When i got there i started looking around for fire trucks, ambulances, etc because i told them if the results was bad i was gonna go NUTS! Didn't see none of those things so i entered the building. I will never forget that moment for as long as i live. I head my footsteps, i heard my heart beating, i head myseld beathing in and out, i heard the clock ticking on the wall, i heard the secretary writing in a notebook, i mean EVERYTHING WAS SO NOTICABLE to me.
The nurse greets me and says "Did you come alone?" i said yes she says "I thought you would have came with a friend, you know for support" i said no
She said ok. At that point i started freaking out. Wondering why she said i needed support, it was gonna be a positive result.
We go in the room, myself and 2 nurses. They sit me down and start asking how im feeling, how i've been coping, etc. I started crying and crying. And then they said RELAX, THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE!!!! I dropped to the floor and continued crying. I felt so light and sooooo glad! I asked them why the heck did they have to act like i was positive, why did they make it look so bad. I could sue!! lol.
Anyways, they gave me some #'s for therapy and some books to read about how to not be depressed and how to really lift up my spirits. Their main concern was that i was suicidal and depressed and they wanted me to get HELP! They educated me on hiv and how to avoid this situation again in the future. I confirmed if i needed to test again in december they said NO, unless i go out and do the same ****!
When i left that place i went to the food court in the mall and PIGGED OUT! I had NY FRIES, A DOUBLE WHOPPER W/CHEESE, PIZZA A LARGE ICE TEA. I mean i had to eat and that meal was well deserved. People was looking at me saying "omg is she eaing all that food" HELL YEA, IM HIV NEGATIVE BABY!!!
I just wantta say, this has been a leaning experience for me. BE SAFE, DON'T LOOK UP THE SIGNS OF HIV CUZ THEN U WILL HAVE THEM ALL!
I thanks YOU ALLLLLL for your support, your comments, notes, prayers. I will keep in touch and pray for you all.
*EXHALING*
Thank u god, i have my life back!!!!
I had planned to go and get results no matter what but i chickened out and got scared.
didnt go.
Wednesday, same phone call again, i need to come in to get my results because they are concerned about me. Said to myself i was gonna go in, chicken out, didn't go.
Thursday, got the call again, told them upfront to tell me the results over the phone, they said no they can not and that i had to come in. Aight i said **** it, im gonna go in.
When i got there i started looking around for fire trucks, ambulances, etc because i told them if the results was bad i was gonna go NUTS! Didn't see none of those things so i entered the building. I will never forget that moment for as long as i live. I head my footsteps, i heard my heart beating, i head myseld beathing in and out, i heard the clock ticking on the wall, i heard the secretary writing in a notebook, i mean EVERYTHING WAS SO NOTICABLE to me.
The nurse greets me and says "Did you come alone?" i said yes she says "I thought you would have came with a friend, you know for support" i said no
She said ok. At that point i started freaking out. Wondering why she said i needed support, it was gonna be a positive result.
We go in the room, myself and 2 nurses. They sit me down and start asking how im feeling, how i've been coping, etc. I started crying and crying. And then they said RELAX, THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE!!!! I dropped to the floor and continued crying. I felt so light and sooooo glad! I asked them why the heck did they have to act like i was positive, why did they make it look so bad. I could sue!! lol.
Anyways, they gave me some #'s for therapy and some books to read about how to not be depressed and how to really lift up my spirits. Their main concern was that i was suicidal and depressed and they wanted me to get HELP! They educated me on hiv and how to avoid this situation again in the future. I confirmed if i needed to test again in december they said NO, unless i go out and do the same ****!
When i left that place i went to the food court in the mall and PIGGED OUT! I had NY FRIES, A DOUBLE WHOPPER W/CHEESE, PIZZA A LARGE ICE TEA. I mean i had to eat and that meal was well deserved. People was looking at me saying "omg is she eaing all that food" HELL YEA, IM HIV NEGATIVE BABY!!!
I just wantta say, this has been a leaning experience for me. BE SAFE, DON'T LOOK UP THE SIGNS OF HIV CUZ THEN U WILL HAVE THEM ALL!
I thanks YOU ALLLLLL for your support, your comments, notes, prayers. I will keep in touch and pray for you all.
*EXHALING*
Thank u god, i have my life back!!!!
I will pray for you Miss. I'll have you in my thoughts and pray for you to be negative. I'm sure if we all pray for each other, it definitely helps.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Good luck and keep us posted!
I'll be thinking of you. Take deep breaths and try to stay calm and hope for the best. I hope your eating better and resting more. Most likely you will be negative and you can move on. You'll see, you will have a new start on life. Remember this experience and know that no risk is worth it. Stay strong.
Tomorrow i get my results....*crossing fingers* will let you all know no matter what
yes, i could use a hug. your so lucky u got through this and your negative! i would like to know more about your story, pls note me your email.
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