Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your confidence in the forum and for reading other threads for questions similar to yours.
As you probably found in your research, even if your partner had HIV, unprotected vaginal sex carries a risk of somewhere around 1 in 2,000 of transmission for each exposure. Given the brevity of the exposure after the condom broke, you can safely assume your risk was still lower. You probably also read that most commercial sex workers don't have HIV, regardless of their geographic origin; and that most people don't lie about HIV status when asked directly. Finally, oral sex, even without a condom, is exceedingly low risk for HIV transmission, if any risk at all. (Many experts believe there is no risk.)
All the business about washing etc after the exposure is pretty much irrelevant. Such actions are not likely to change the risk.
To your specicc questions:
1) No. I consider the chance you caught HIV to be very low, probably less than one chance in a million.
2) For sure I would NOT recommend PEP in a circumstance like this.
3) Even if you can't contact your partner, I would recommend no further action. From a risk assessment standpoint, I don't even think you need HIV testing at all. Of course you are free to do it if you will gain additional reassurance from the negative result. For definitive results, you could have a combo test (for HIV antibody and p24 antigen) at 4 weeks, or a stand-alone antibody test at 6-8 weeks.
4) The risks for some other STDs are somewhat higher, but still low. If you desire testing other than HIV, I would suggest a urine test for gonorrhea and chlamydia, valid any time more than 3-4 days after exposure; and perhaps a syphilis blood test at 6 weeks or more after exposure. I don't recommend any other testing.
I hope this has helped. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
You're welcome; I'm glad to have helped.
Dear Dr HHH,
Thank-you for your advice. In the interim I have made contact with my partner and she is willing to accompany me for testing. She has also had concerns following the incident - which of course I fully respect. Her concerns reassure me of her health consciousness - and it is only appropriate that I provide her with similar assurance.
I will take your advice regarding the testing regimen to pursue.
I do greatly appreciate the advice you have provide both to me and countless others on this site.
Thanks and Regards.
And I really don't think you need go out of your way to talk your partner into HIV/STD testing. But if you can contact her and she is willing, then gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, and syphilis are the ones to test for.