Welcome to the HIV forum
You are not at risk for HIV. Nobody has ever been known to catch HIV from mutal masturbation, fingering (of any body orifice), and similar contact, and you are not likely to be the first. Second, if you are in the US or other industrialized country, the odds are low that your "strange" female partner has HIV. Third, a point that has been made repeatedly on this forum: symptoms almost never raise the alarm of a new HIV infection. That's because the symptoms caused by acute HIV infection are identical to those from a large number of other mostly minor health conditions. (Likewise, absence of symptoms isn't necessarily reassuring.) In any case, your symptoms don't sound like HIV anyway.
To the specific questions:
1) Zero risk regardless of possible anal inflammation.
2,3) Your symptoms do not suggest HIV and should not alarm you. Of course see a health care provider if they continue or you remain concerned, to learn the real cause. But don't worry about HIV.
From a medical or risk assessment perspective, you don't need HIV testing. The only potential reason for testing is for the psychological reassurance you may need from a negative test result, if my arguments don't convince you.
Bottom line: Relax, no HIV risk. All is well.
Good luck-- HHH, MD
Thank You Dr. Hunter, thats been alot of closure.