Safe sex, exposure risk, buzzed decision making

[fifty1fifty]

So much for being cellibete...Saturday night was the 1yr anerversery of the my ex who sexually assulted me.  So of course like a typical rape victim I threw myself a pitty party involving champaigne, and called up a past friend w/ benefits (but never any sex b4).  We had sex 3 times, protected, and a little oral unprotected; him to me, me to him...slight cut in gums, but mainly im worried about the sex.  We had vaginal sex; him on top, me on top, and him behind me (vaginal) while we were on our sides. After leaving his house I got my period, later I took a shower and noticed like 2 tears between my vaginia and my anus (the lil bridge between the two), so yeah Im worried.  So much for worring about touching someone with my hands huh?! We had the sex talk months ago when we were seeing eachother then, and again last night and today.  He was tested just before we were getting together in July, and he says he hasnt been with anyone sense, but that doesent mean the test was accurate as in 6wks fallowing his last encournter.  He was also does not have sex without condoms; he already has one kid form 6yrs ago, and has been cautious ever sense he found out one of his coworkers is hiv positive. Oh between one of the times we were having sex, we stopped b/c i was dry, then began again about 10mins latter with the same condom that had not been removed...he hadnt came in it or anything.  We are both disapointed in ourselves for this, as we had both intended to stay cellibate for quite a while.  Sex was "safe" no condoms broke, or slid down or fell off, we seemed equaly concerned about the condoms.  Am I stressing for no reason, or should I consider updating my entire sexual screening profile again for stds, and consider taking prevenative hiv drugs, std screen, and retest in 6wks...or not? In other words was my safe sex encounter safe or not, since the term "safer sex" is now being used instead of safe? SORRY TO BURDEN YOU WITH MY PATHETIC LACK OF JUDGMENT

[fifty1fifty]

Dr. Hook, what exactly is "proper" use?
I mean how often does spillage result in an std or hiv?
I know a condom didnt break, but what about spilage?

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Please calm down.  You are working yourself up.  I have never enocuntered someone who acquired HIV when properly using condoms.  You are not at risk for HIV.  EW


Please calm down.  I have never seen a patient who acquired HIV following exposure in which condoms were properly used.  You are not at risk for HIV. EWH

[fifty1fifty]

I understand he has been checked, but what if he was checked then had sex with someone shortly after, or too soon before?
The rational part of my brain is listening to you and taking it in, but the the irrational part says what if semen came out from under the rim of the condom, and all what not.
And just how safe is genital sex with condoms, I mean the packages say 99.9% effective in preventing hiv/std/pregency when used correctly... but I never hear of hiv spread with condoms...does it happen, or is it just a theoretical risk...or does it only happen when condoms slide or break?
You have put much of my mind at ease granted the fact all medical professionals I know have said the same thing.
Yikes, Im working on the not beeting myself thing, and considering sex therapy for my risky behavior paterns, anxiety and depression around the issue.
If you have any comment to add to the above, I will greatly appreciate it.
Thank you,
-me

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Please stop beating yourself up. Things happen, your risk is low (very, very low).  You had protected sex with a partner who has been checked (not the optimal time but almost certainly negative given his timing and the situation) and with whom it sounds as though you can communicate openly and honestly.

Specific comments.

The partner.  He was checked, has had no further encounters.  He practices safe sex with condoms, has been tested and does not have HIV.

The sex.  Genital sex with condoms--safe.  The fact that you had your period shortly afterwards is of no consequence to this consideration/

Small tears between your vaginal and rectum  Not an issue.  Your partner was not infected and you used a condom.

Oral exposure.  Again, very, very low risk.  See statements above about your partner.  Then add that to the chance that even if he had HIV (which he did not) your odds of infection are less than 1 in 10,000.

Do not even consider taking HIV preventative meds.  There is also no need for STD screening or HIV testing unless you feel you must despite my recommendation that it is not needed.

Hope this helps.  You are OK.  EWH