to test or not to test?

[kiwisupper]

Hello,

I got very drunk with a young man (I am a woman) and he ended up giving me oral and fingering me. The reason I am anxious is because he put his penis "in the area" but did not penetrate.  I didn't really reciprocate in anyway ( i know, i know).

He is in a band, and just received lots of money, quite frankly, I wouldn't put drug use past him.

I think my anxiety is probably more due to the fact that I am guilty about hooking up with someone who I didn't know very well, and someone who could be a high risk party.

BTW when he was about to "go for it" I yelled at him... he claimed to be clean, but I just don't buy it.

[kiwisupper]

True, but worries are real, regardless of the encounter!

Of course you are feeling guilty since you are married with a kid... how can this situation make you a better husband? I bet it can! Turn it around, and be active about it. I'm only telling you what I'm telling myself.

[OrionQuest]

Still, be careful as the "willies" will be rearing their heads from time to time... In my case it's always around the weekly "anniversaries" after the misdeed.  I start counting weeks again...

Then I try to bang reality in my head that I had no risk...

[OrionQuest]

Of course, meds are useful WHEN NEEDED.  I know what it's like to be anxious over a seemingly meaningless pseudo-exposure.  I'm 5 weeks to the day from having a stupid protected sex session with a "professional".  My anxiety comes from the fact that I'm married with a kid.  Knowing that makes it easier, but it still bothers me from time to time.  It's easier sometimes for me to tell you you have no need to test than for me to believe myself.

However, I realize that other people have REAL risks and REAL exposures, and so we who have pseudo-risks must be sensitive enough to realize that they have REAL worries.  We have to be strong, for ourselves and for them, and yes, humor is a GREAT way to cope.

[kiwisupper]

It's true... it does help! This may sound crazy but sometimes just making fun of your neurotransmitters, actually telling them that they have it all wrong-to the point where it's funny helps too.

I've had anxiety problems all my life, and I see a shrink who told me to do that. I recommend it...
I still have issues with it still, but definitely less... and I just say no to meds.

[OrionQuest]

No need to test.  It's good that you know where your anxiety is coming from.  Doesn't always help a lot but it sure does help.

[bluebell81]

no risk, you are ok

you cant get HIV from oral sex or fingering, even if he did have a cut on his finger.

There needs to be large doses of the virus to infect you.

[Marins]

When did this encounter happen? If it was less than 12 weeks ago, a test won't be too conclusive. If it will put your mind at ease, after the 12 week mark, get tested.

But based on what you had described, and again I will defer this to the experts here, it doesn't sound like there was any real risk to me.

[kiwisupper]

hmmm I don't think there were cuts on his hands, but I wasn't examining that area of his body at the time :)


to test or not?

thanks

[kiwisupper]

thanks Marins...it was actually last weekend.

I don't want to think about it for 12 weeks if I don't have to....

[Marins]

Unless he had a recent cut or open wound on his finger and or tongue and that's all he did I would say you are fine. If there were no other body fluids (semen) that may have entered your body, then again, you should be fine.

By no means am I an expert, but having read quite a few posts here the past couple of days and seeing similar questions asked I think you should be ok - but I am sure some of the more experienced posters will let you know for sure.

One thing I will say, if you feel stressed out, or start to think you have symptoms of ARS or HIV don't flip out over it. It doesn't mean anything and it seems like everyone that posts here (myself included) thinks the absolute worst when they all of sudden experience some kind of pain, ailment, etc after what they consider a possible exposure. In my case, I am feeling some of that, but I know it's just stress at the moment.