The Endless Fear

[rollingstonehk]

Dear Doctor,

Thank you for your time with me.

I am William from HK. I am now really undergoing a very stressful and concerned life, which I had never experienced during my past 20 years.. Please help me get through.. Please..

I am a homosexual man. Two years ago in 2012, I had sex contacts with two strangers. I never had any oral sex or anal sex with them but one year ago I was diagnosed with HPV infection and showing genital warts symptoms. The doctor asked for HIV test and I was so scared and dared to do it. I know if I was diagnosed with something bad, I really cannot get through by myself. I am not a mentally strong person and I am not prepared for anything.. Really I am not.

I know HIV can only be transmitted by exchange of body fluids. Although I did not have any intercourse with any of them, I still contacted their pro-cum fluids. This could pose risk! Also,
- A night right before one sex contact, I had masturbation for long time and my penis was swollen and I could see tiny blood if I squeezing some regions. I do not know if the wound can heal by itself after one day; and what would happen if it happen to contact some of the man's pre-cum fluid?
- I stayed overnight with the two strangers for (in total) 4 times. We had contacts in the genital area (by hand or by other part of body) but no oral/anal sex. I did not dare to do that in fear of possible disease. But still, I did not know pre-cum fluid can still pose a risk. We had long-time contact during each of the 4 night.

I am totally lost now. I cannot afford to have a HIV test (because terrible fear for the result..) and I am quite inefficient in my work (and everything) now and also in the past year. I want to pick up my courage to test but find it extremely difficult.

I need your help doctor. I am really lost. Please provide me with a direction.

Thank you. I appreciate.

Sincerely,
William

[Teak]

You never had an exposure and don't need testing.

[rollingstonehk]

Thanks Teak - also for your great contribution to this forum.

[Teak]

Why would you ask if a test is needed when you were advise you never had an exposure?

[rollingstonehk]

Thanks for your expertise advice. Is a test needed?

[Vance2335]

Zero as you had no risk as Teak wrote.

[rollingstonehk]

Hi Vance,

Appreciate your reply. Could you estimate the risk of hiv transmission for my case? You will never know what I am feeling now in a dreadful night in HK.

Thank you!!

[Vance2335]

Seek a therapist to help with your anxiety concerns.

[rollingstonehk]

I found some new replys in the afternoon but why they have been deleted?

[rollingstonehk]

Can anyone help.. I cannot help look back to this post all time.. feel relly unsettled and deep fear

[rollingstonehk]

Dear Teak,

Thanks.

I saw your profile. I know you have been diagnosed for 30 years till this time. I really appreciate your courage and I wish you all the best; wish you a happy and content life.

I would like to know the exact definition of "exposure", as you have mentioned. My fear is also originated from my genital warts, which was terrible (located in penis shaft, near the glans, in two places) but are cured now by medication (no physical surgery).

Thank you again for your great help.

Best regards,
William

[Teak]

You don't have an HIV concern, you've never had an exposure.