at an all time low

[alltimelow]

Dear Doctor,

I am a 33 year old married male that made a huge mistake last week. For the first time in my life I had an experience with another male here in Qatar where I am working. I had a couple of beers and was also taking cough medicine at the time which spaced me out a bit. I met a local guy at a bar that night and went back to my place
Our activities were as follows: (all him doing to me)
Fingering
Condom protected oral sex
Anilingus
I wasn’t enjoying the experience and was feeling uncomfortable so I asked him to leave. I don’t know why I let it happen.

Shortly afterwards I looked up some websites and searched for the activities above…I do not believe any of them to be much of a risk, would you agree?  I also read that there are only 76 hiv positive people in Qatar. Although I am still aware that this guy is in a high risk group.

But then something terrible happened. As I kept reading about high risk actvities I started to imagine that I may have done something more and not remember it. Or that I may have fallen asleep for some time and was taken advantage of due to the medicine and beers. I was sure the following day that there was no penetrative sex but as time goes on I’m re-imagining the situation and adding doubt. Maybe these thoughts are there due to anxiety or shame, im not sure, but as the days pass by things are really starting to get the better of me. Even though im 95% sure we didn’t have full sex I still cant eat some days and every night I have nightmares of the experience, there’s no escape from it. I also cant find this guy again to ask him and put my fears to rest.

I’m guessing that I need a combination of psychological and medical advice the latter of which I hope to get here. I have sourced a clinic that do an Abbott HIV DUO test. When would be a suitable time to do it? A risk assessment would also be appreciated w/wo penetrative sex.

Apologies for the emotion in this posting but im at an all time low right now.
Thanks

[alltimelow]

Just to let you know you were right,I got the DUO test at 6 weeks...negative. I also got a rapid test at 8 weeks to be sure..negative.

Thanks again for your help.

[alltimelow]

Thank you Doctor Hook. I was expecting a lecture and a possible three month test.  You are almost certainly right that it is very unlikely that I wouldnt have been aware of penetrative sex since I remember all the other activities clearly. It is great to hear it from someone standing outside the box. I guess I just panicked over the last few days.

Your comment that I dont need to seek testing means the world to me right now. However, my personality dictates that there will be times over the next 5 weeks when I will entertain my worst fears again. I will get the test by choice and post the results here. I will also try and get some psychological help in the meantime.

Thanks so much.

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Guilt is a powerful force and it can fuel anxiety.  Add to this all of the misinformation all too readily available on the internet and you are asking for guilt and anxiety fueled depression.  I hope that the comments that I am about to provide will help you to move forward.

For starters, the chance that you were so drunk/drugged that you were unaware of what your partner might have done during the episode is extraordinarily unlikely- so unlikely that it is not a realistic concern.   I will say nothing more about this other than to forget about it even being a possibility.

Second, as you point out, it is most unlikely that your partner had HIV.  As you point out, HIV is quite uncommon in Qatar and even among high risk persons infection is rare.

Finally and most importantly there is no risk of getting HIV from any of the sexual activities you describe.  Masturbation (fingering), condom-protected oral sex, and analingus are all zero risk for HIV acquisition.

Bottom line, you have nothing to worry about.  You have not described any medical reason for you to seek HIV testing.  If you wish to seek testing for your own peace of mind, a negative Duo test at 6 weeks will provide proof that here was no risk of getting HIV form the exposures you describe.  Hope this helps.  EWH