Still anxious about getting HIV

[serbguy]

Hi. you can read my previous post questioning about my issue (frontage and possible penetration), and to see why I am concerned. Even if some people, Teak and others told me that I don't have to worry about, I still do.I read some post of people with similar (or even same)situations, and even doctors responded to them that they didn't have risk. But I am still feeling anxiety.In my head I already have HIV.Maybe it's because of quilt of what happenned, and in my paranoid version of the story that guy 'had' hiv and he wanted to transmit to me on purpose.He was pushing head of his penis against my anus, and I was squizeeing sphincter and didn't let him to come in.Even if he said that he isn't crazy to do it without a condom, I think he would get in if I  did let him.So, after 40 days after that issue I got cold (lot of people here did here in my city) For 6 days I have small temperature (37,2 - 37,5 which is a little above normal), or some days I didn't have it. Now I am connecting it to HIV symptoms.The more I am reading about HIV, the more anxious I become, and very scared.I had also headaches after my issue, 2 times after long walk in the city ( I read that headaches can also be symptoms).I don't have those swollen nodes, and no rash. I know I probably only got cold, or maybe a virus because lots of people are ill, but I am still very anxious.I  don't even have too high temperature.I know this sounds irrational, but every day I am feeling very anxious and scared.Please tell me some words that will calm me down. I don't have anyone to talk about this. I don't have courage to go test, I think I could die overthere. When I even read about all these stuff, my heart starts beating and I am feeling I am going to faint.I am a person who had anal sex with only 4 people in my life , and with condoms. I had unprotected oral sex more times (insertive and receptive). In last 5 years I had anal sex with only one person.And that is probably because I am hiv anxious, so I can't have sex with random people.So, I am not that promiscious to worry about much ,but still.....
Sorry for my long letter, and sorry for maybe my bad english .Please tell me some words to calm me down a bit.
Thanx

[serbguy]

Thank you very much. I hope I will get back to normal soon