Aa
mom in law
Hi everyone:
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.
Thank you!
Jackie
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.
Thank you!
Jackie
you all have certainly looked at this from all angles. JRG..........can you tell us more?
I have seen people slide quickly and have seen some hang in there for a couple of years...none of us can know, though the docs can come up with some good guestimates.
V - Once I get to the stage that I need a lot of care, I want my kids to put me somewhere halfway decent. If it becomes a "memory care" issue, I don't care...because after all, I won't remember. I don't want my daughter having to deal with it if we can afford to farm me out. And my son and DIL...well, you know the situation there and I think that would be unfair. I guess we all have our different ways of dealing with things....If we are lucky, we will all go quick and it won't be an issue.
V - Once I get to the stage that I need a lot of care, I want my kids to put me somewhere halfway decent. If it becomes a "memory care" issue, I don't care...because after all, I won't remember. I don't want my daughter having to deal with it if we can afford to farm me out. And my son and DIL...well, you know the situation there and I think that would be unfair. I guess we all have our different ways of dealing with things....If we are lucky, we will all go quick and it won't be an issue.
Wow. I guess this wasn't taken in the way I meant it. My mom in law moved here 3 years ago to be near us. She weighs about 300 lbs. She can barely stand and only with someone pulling and holding her up. I have sat by her bedside when she didn't even know who I was while she cursed me when she would be out of her mind with a bad infection. I have fed her and cleaned her. When she was like a baby and play in her waste it was I who would clean out from under her fingernails. Veinaustria, I am so glad you could care for your mom in her time of need but everyones situation is different. I weigh 107 lbs and couldn't physically take care of her. I would be doing her harm if I tried. I would end up hurting her or myself. They have to use a lift at the nursing home. I also have two children to take care of that have to be my primary concern. My husband travels 75% of the time. I never judge anyone unless I have walked a mile in their shoes. I was not put on this earth to judge people you obviously think you were.
The reason I asked this question is because I thought someone might have been in a simular situation with a loved one and I want to do the best thing for her. I visit with her every day even though my responsibilties sometimes don't allow for this. No one has a crystal ball and can determine a person's lifespan but I thought I could get some advice to help make a horrible decision.Someone said treat her as I would want to be treated in 20 or 30 years. Well the last thing I would ever want to be is a burden to either of my children. I could not give her the care she needs at home. I wish I could. The doctor decided she would have to go back to skilled care so the decision is made.
Everyone should always think before they speak. It would make the world a much better place.
God Bless
Jackie
The reason I asked this question is because I thought someone might have been in a simular situation with a loved one and I want to do the best thing for her. I visit with her every day even though my responsibilties sometimes don't allow for this. No one has a crystal ball and can determine a person's lifespan but I thought I could get some advice to help make a horrible decision.Someone said treat her as I would want to be treated in 20 or 30 years. Well the last thing I would ever want to be is a burden to either of my children. I could not give her the care she needs at home. I wish I could. The doctor decided she would have to go back to skilled care so the decision is made.
Everyone should always think before they speak. It would make the world a much better place.
God Bless
Jackie
I think you made the wise , and the only choice. Don't be too harsh on anybody...........nobody knows the situation completely ...... and these are generic comments, in response to a generic question. This is difficult, but it is the right thing to do............it still isn't easy. I have been there, both ways, home and skilled care. the visits, the laundry and the "guilt" with the skilled care choice is not so easy either. I was lucky, my father in law weighed about 120 lbs, but he was a handful, and passive agressive, as well as confused at times, incontinent, and stubborn. My husbandf cried the day he went to the nursung home, but it had to be done. I wish you well.
" I want to do the best thing for her"
you do say it ,but you did not do the best for her , she hates to be there..
" I thought I could get some advice to help make a horrible decision"
we all have to live with our horrible decisions , you too.
"The doctor decided she would have to go back to skilled care so the decision is made"
good DR. he made it easier for you.
"Everyone should always think before they speak. It would make the world a much better place."
Agree, but this is the nature of boards like that, sorry...you not always get what you want to hear .
"I was not put on this earth to judge people you obviously think you were. "
I didn't judge you ,I don't know you,you have your exuse , it is still an exuse in my eyes.
If she hates it there I feel SORRY FOR HER .
hope she wont suffer long.
you do say it ,but you did not do the best for her , she hates to be there..
" I thought I could get some advice to help make a horrible decision"
we all have to live with our horrible decisions , you too.
"The doctor decided she would have to go back to skilled care so the decision is made"
good DR. he made it easier for you.
"Everyone should always think before they speak. It would make the world a much better place."
Agree, but this is the nature of boards like that, sorry...you not always get what you want to hear .
"I was not put on this earth to judge people you obviously think you were. "
I didn't judge you ,I don't know you,you have your exuse , it is still an exuse in my eyes.
If she hates it there I feel SORRY FOR HER .
hope she wont suffer long.
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