mom in law

[JRG]

Hi everyone:
My mom in law has been in the hospital for a week with multiple problems. She has congestive heart failure and severe regurgitiation of the mitral, aortic, and tricuspid valves. The heart surgeon has told us she is not a candidate for surgery. She has also had diabetes for about 42 years and is insulin dependant. She is 76 years old and about to have to return to a skilled care unit which she hates. The other alternative is hospice. The doctor has expressed his belief that she is not long for this world but for some reason doctors don't like to admit someone to a hospice unit. I think she would be much more comfortable there. My question is does anyone have any idea when someone is in this condition how much longer they can hold on and how hard should I push the doctor.

Thank you!
Jackie

[pvcqueen]

you all have certainly looked at this from all angles.  JRG..........can you tell us more?

[viennaustria]

Our own good or bad experiences with people including our own family can make us ‘colorblind ‘sometimes .
  
Jackie might not come back to comment on.  

Brat I hope we won’t born there in our next life. Our good karma will help us.:)
Or wait: it requires time traveling. :)

[FLBrat]

Unfortunately Jackie chose to ask a question that really could be taken in a presumptuos manner.  I do believe that if you put yourself out there on a open forum that you have to expect the good with the bad.  I had chose to ignore this post as I was "turned off" by the question.  It sat unaswered for the day, wonder why??  A response that we as adults should take responsiblility came and oops, there it goes.  Free speech gets monitored.  Yes, she may have umpteen reasons not to care for the old gal, but then again....  Not everyone is going to think the same way, I can appreciate a blunt answer as well as honey coated answers.  Reality in this situation is, a decision needs to be made REGARDLESS of the amount of time remaining in this elderly woman's life.  I would not put my mom or my MIL in a  "home", no matter how nice, period.  I cared for my senile granny (90 yrs) for three months a year for several years to give Mom a break.  This is while I had three kids at home and a more than full time job.  I tended my mom after her bypass.  I owe these people and will happily do for them just as they have for me.  Sorry about your MIL, and good thing about Pops.  Our elderly have a lot to share if only we would stop long enough to listen.

Jackie, time remaining is not a decider.  Do what you feel is best, what you know you can live with.

V- I have heard that the Alaskan Indians used to send the elderly off on the ice flows back in the old days...

[Happy2girls]

Again I think you are being presumptuous.  It is admirable that you were able to take care of your mother in her dying days however it is not as simplistic as you make it seem.  I think the majority of people (European or otherwise) do not make the decision regarding the care of their eldery relatives lightly.  It can be heart wrenching and far reaching.  When my mother-in-law passed several years ago we invited my father-in-law to live with us and it has been a very real blessing for us as well as my children.  However, the truth is that had it been my mother-in-law who was the surviving parent we would not have been able to extend the offer.  She was a chain smoking, alcoholic whose personality was abrasive and abusive.  Her children still suffer damage from their childhood.  I have two young daughters and had to think of them, I could not have provided a place for her without compromising my daughter's welfare.  My point is that it is unfair to sit in judgement of anyone without being aware of all the issues.  And not all issues are surmountable.  

[viennaustria]

Maybe blunt, I meant it to be.
Every situation can be explanted as you did line up here all the possible excuses.
Old people need to die with dignity.
She basically asking when we think she will die?
Sorry I am old fashioned in many ways this is one, and know no excuse when it comes to carrying with old parents.  I did my sacrifices financially when my mother were in a same situation and was proud of myself, because I loved her and did the right thing…oh sorry almost forget it was partly in Europe…I quit my well paid job in Canada came back with almost nothing, but was happy because it was the right thing to do… we were a little different there then how most people thinking about that in North America.
I fined it is sad. For us Family is first.

[Happy2girls]

I think that was kind of harsh.  You don't know Jackie's situation or the extent of her Mother-in-law's needs.  Perhaps she is already caring for a disabled spouse or child.  Maybe her MIL does not want to live with her.  Perhaps the size of her home or finacial burdens prevent this type of arrangement.  Maybe Mother-in-law already does reside with Jackie but her needs have become too great and she requires more care than Jackie or her family can provide.