Aa
Back in the fold and I'm getting worse.
I have been gone for a while staying busy and getting a little sicker while waiting for my Social Security hearing. For those who don't remember me, I have chronic back pain which requires 180MG of morphine, 50MG of oxycodone and 12MG of Dilaudid every day just so I can get up. I have a condition called myoclonus which is a condition where you have small jerky spasms all over your body. I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety and my left wrist, which I destroyed in a mcy accident is in constant pain and is fused and useless. I am so depressed that I constantly consider suicide, the only thing stopping me is the fear of the act itself. What if I miss? Let's not forget about the Hep. Genotype 1b, Count 7e6, Grade III Class II. I feel like **** ALL of the time, I'm tired and I'm sick of this. I applied for SS over two years ago and I really need the help. I can't clean up after myself, reach the top shelf at the store, or cook for myself, I need help. I have asked people on this forum before about their experiences but I guess my big question is what symptoms people have with similar configurations to mine? I'm so tired and feel like I have a low-grade flu. How about you? Please advise.
Where and how are you? I need to correct that I took my last shot DEC 15th not Jan. as stated above. { Jan 21 06 was my first shot } I get things all confused so what else is new!!! Anyway, hope things are going better for you. A lot of friends here on the forum, obviously, care about you and your well being. Hope we hear from you soon again.My best.
I thought you would benefit much by reading books on animals and miracles. You will learn so much about strength and courage.
Nothing in life happens by chance. For whatever reason, we are dealt certain cards {life experiences.. good and bad } It is what we do with the situations that makes us better people.. stronger, more compassionate, understanding etc. etc. You won't know the answer to " Why me?" until later... In retrospect you will understand the meaning of it all... and you will have grown. You will learn intangibles that cannot be learned any other way. A book will not teach you.. what you need to know. It is the experience that is so important to you personally.... so do not miss out even when the going is rough. Books, people, pets .....places and things all will help you on this journey... be aware of your surroundings, open your eyes and see that there is too much to lose by not greeting each day with renewed faith and hope in a better tomorrow. Be watchful ... look around and take everything in esp. the strangers you meet along the way.... they just might be angels... By the way, John Bosco had a dog for a guardian angel and so did Padre Pio. Start there with your reading. When you are out and about, look for pennies on the ground, floor etc. It doesn't matter whether or not they are heads ot tails... pick them up They are outward signs for you... A little nudge that reminds you that you are not alone... read the penny... "In God we trust" June Howard Wrote a book on her Guardian angel and in it she wrote that she wanted to share something fun that her angel did... He dropped pennies for her to pick up. She went on to explain that it was an outward sign that things were going to be alright. It happens during some rough times for her and it puts a smile on her face as she is reminded that there is more to life than what meets the eye. I sincerely believe that without faith.. life has no meaning. Dog lovers have the abilty to believe in angels, and miracles.... so get yourself some of this good reading material. It will bring you a great deal of happiness." Lostpass "{that sounds sad, however, I picked that for a name so I would remember it... it stands for lost password LOLLOLLOL. My mother.. yup, she is 86 and still going strong ,thought it sounded like I was a real sad case ... lost. Not so. It is the little, simple things in life that can pull you out of the deeps of despair. It is these things that keep me going through my battle with hep c and with life in general.
Every time you pour your heart out to someone , you give a big chunk of yourself away. That is what this forum is about. CARING and LIFTING each other up. Be on the look out for the pennies.
Nothing in life happens by chance. For whatever reason, we are dealt certain cards {life experiences.. good and bad } It is what we do with the situations that makes us better people.. stronger, more compassionate, understanding etc. etc. You won't know the answer to " Why me?" until later... In retrospect you will understand the meaning of it all... and you will have grown. You will learn intangibles that cannot be learned any other way. A book will not teach you.. what you need to know. It is the experience that is so important to you personally.... so do not miss out even when the going is rough. Books, people, pets .....places and things all will help you on this journey... be aware of your surroundings, open your eyes and see that there is too much to lose by not greeting each day with renewed faith and hope in a better tomorrow. Be watchful ... look around and take everything in esp. the strangers you meet along the way.... they just might be angels... By the way, John Bosco had a dog for a guardian angel and so did Padre Pio. Start there with your reading. When you are out and about, look for pennies on the ground, floor etc. It doesn't matter whether or not they are heads ot tails... pick them up They are outward signs for you... A little nudge that reminds you that you are not alone... read the penny... "In God we trust" June Howard Wrote a book on her Guardian angel and in it she wrote that she wanted to share something fun that her angel did... He dropped pennies for her to pick up. She went on to explain that it was an outward sign that things were going to be alright. It happens during some rough times for her and it puts a smile on her face as she is reminded that there is more to life than what meets the eye. I sincerely believe that without faith.. life has no meaning. Dog lovers have the abilty to believe in angels, and miracles.... so get yourself some of this good reading material. It will bring you a great deal of happiness." Lostpass "{that sounds sad, however, I picked that for a name so I would remember it... it stands for lost password LOLLOLLOL. My mother.. yup, she is 86 and still going strong ,thought it sounded like I was a real sad case ... lost. Not so. It is the little, simple things in life that can pull you out of the deeps of despair. It is these things that keep me going through my battle with hep c and with life in general.
Every time you pour your heart out to someone , you give a big chunk of yourself away. That is what this forum is about. CARING and LIFTING each other up. Be on the look out for the pennies.
Hi doglover, ... first -- a Greyhound?!?!?! awe! That's a grrrrreat dog to adopt! SO many are in need of homes, and I hear they make wonderful companions. I'm so glad you focused on what you love (dogs and finding the one for you) rather than continuing to focus on your thoughts on "how do". If you find yourself back on those sites (the bad ones), please shut your computer off ....or - if you keep it on - go to a dog lover's site :) I'm even going to suggest if you find yourself with those thoughts again, call someone immediately (what kind soul - Honey? gave you their number -- please take them up on it and CALL if you have those bad feelings again, or.... call someone, anyone, the doc, go to the ER!) While you are in this state of severe depression with suicial thoughts, DO let your doc know about this (about your thoughts, investigating ways to do it, etc.) I'm also going to suggest that when you have time to be on the computer that you also go to very HAPPY and uplifting sites (away from the "medical" sites), such as a dog lover's site or ... whatever you want to read about that brings you joy! (like you did with the Greyhound and the service dogs). Do the Hep C support forum thing, for SURE, but find something OUTSIDE of it, too. Let us know how you are doing.
Coeric, your note (though terribly sad to me) was absolutely beautiful.
Coeric, your note (though terribly sad to me) was absolutely beautiful.
What seems like today as a no end situation,,,,tomorrow will be a winner! Nothing is so bad to take your life. You have lots to offer and look what you are doing for our fine 4 legged friends! I know because I have dogs and love them dearly. Things will work out in the long run! Keep yourself busy and contact your dr and let him know how you have been feeling lately,,,,maybe some anti-depressents would help get you through this low time. And you have us! Anytime you need to talk,,,,,contact me at Honey15637 @ aol,com!
I mean that! Take care!
I mean that! Take care!
I have spent a great deal of time milling over the possibility of ending my life. I looked up methods on the Internet and have even gone as far as buying a large container of KCN (Potassium Cyanide) from a chemical supply house. It's effective but none of these methods aside from a shotgun seem to be painless enough for me. I'm essentially a coward.
Well leave it to the dogs to get the ol' dog_lover out of a serious life-ending funk. I contacted a greyhound rescue organization today to see about adopting a new dog. I also contacted the Guide Dog organization in Sheriden, Oregon to see about obtaining a flunked-out guide dog. Once I got away from doing research all night about killing myself and started looking into getting another dog to replace my beloved Coco I started to get things in perspective.
If I don't get SS I will be in a real bind. I now have to hire help to clean my house, drive me around and help me grocery shop which I simply cannot afford on my VA pension.
Finally, let me close by reiterating how fantastic you people are. The human spirit is really incredible when it tuned in. I love and respect all of you so very much for your kindness and courage.
Well leave it to the dogs to get the ol' dog_lover out of a serious life-ending funk. I contacted a greyhound rescue organization today to see about adopting a new dog. I also contacted the Guide Dog organization in Sheriden, Oregon to see about obtaining a flunked-out guide dog. Once I got away from doing research all night about killing myself and started looking into getting another dog to replace my beloved Coco I started to get things in perspective.
If I don't get SS I will be in a real bind. I now have to hire help to clean my house, drive me around and help me grocery shop which I simply cannot afford on my VA pension.
Finally, let me close by reiterating how fantastic you people are. The human spirit is really incredible when it tuned in. I love and respect all of you so very much for your kindness and courage.
hey, thanks for your post, but if you were old enough to be my mom you'd have to be about 10 years old when you gave birth! ha ha! there are many, many of us in our 50s here, mid-50s, and some in early 60s so feel right at home...the "youngins" are in their mid to late 40s mostly...this disease takes a long time to catch up to most people, or rear it's ugly little head...hopefully, as your longer and longer away from your last shot, you will start to feel loads better, at least that's what I read, hope you enjoy your weekend..
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I always want to reach out to the people who are feeling so bad that they would consider harming themselves. Jan 15th, 06 gave myself the last shot and pills 48 wks, . geno type 1 and have to go til July to complete post treatment 6 months. I got REALLY depressed after the 12 months because I was told I,d feel better.... Well... I am taking Lexapro 20 mg at night.. I still complain of depression and my dr. got in touch with a pyschiatrist for consulting to find out what to give me, and he added Desipramine 25 MG... took 1 pill stayed awake all night and my head was drenched with sweat and my body cold.. Got up and got chills.. I decided to do away with that addition and I am sticking with the Lexapro. which I started taking 3 months into my treatments ... the usual time my Dr. said the depression, caused by the Ribavirin sets in. I I am not the same person I used to be. Am very tired and sleep the a.m. away.. feel like I am in slow motion. I pat myself on the back when I accomplish something. Housework, female..yes. Thank God I do not work. I am probably the oldest gal on this forum ... I gave my age away 63, previously, will be 64 in July. I am old enough to be everyones Mom... So listen to me and be good to yourself and to all of your invisible, forum Hep c ers. Keep up the struggle and know that you have a med help family that understands and sincerely cares. We need each other to lean on... so, you are not alone.. hang in there, Con't to be a dog lover and a self lover... Dragon-haters do not give up the battle. My heart goes out to you and to others who are having a very difficult time. I also believe in prayer.. oops... I hope I did not lose you on that one ... because.. it is the BEST help. I care... Lostpass
Hang in there ,,,Like kitty says ,and the rest,,
I can too relate to always feeling poorly,,,legs hurt,,back hurts,
always feel like I have some kind of flu ,,,ic,,,and the tierdness,what fun-
Life seems more like a struggle now,,,,Befor the Hep-c-bug got me,,
life was an adventure---
But Lets hope it can be again,,,gotta try to stay positive,,,hard ,I know-
I have two mutts,(Szar,&,Ruby girl),,they make me get up and go for walks,
short walks ,,but most times I feel better for it---
I am HOPing to start treatment this month(fat chance),,but soon,,Not really
looking forward to it,,But we' v got to try ,,eh friend----
Take care,,,,,Gale,,,,,,Kit,,,.,.,.p.s 3 dang cats too-------
I can too relate to always feeling poorly,,,legs hurt,,back hurts,
always feel like I have some kind of flu ,,,ic,,,and the tierdness,what fun-
Life seems more like a struggle now,,,,Befor the Hep-c-bug got me,,
life was an adventure---
But Lets hope it can be again,,,gotta try to stay positive,,,hard ,I know-
I have two mutts,(Szar,&,Ruby girl),,they make me get up and go for walks,
short walks ,,but most times I feel better for it---
I am HOPing to start treatment this month(fat chance),,but soon,,Not really
looking forward to it,,But we' v got to try ,,eh friend----
Take care,,,,,Gale,,,,,,Kit,,,.,.,.p.s 3 dang cats too-------
Hi, Dog Lover, I feel for you. Life is not fun when you don't feel good enough to partake in its many delights. Re: the HCV symptoms, I've had those for 25 years. You described it well -- feels like a low grade flu, fever, nausea, weakness and don't forget the night sweats. Pain and illness make you depressed. But don't give up because there is hope and you have to believe that you won't feel like this forever.
Do you take any supplements or herbs to help with your symptoms? Over the years I have experimented with remedies that don't cure HCV but make me feel like I don't have it. I've recently been on supplements that you spray in your mouth (Vitamist) instead of swallowing and I'm feeling like the energizer bunny again, physically and mentally. (Previously all I wanted to do was lay around and watch Judge Judy.) I'm also drinking 1/2 gallon+ of water daily as outlined in www.watercure.com which a doctor recommended to me. Water is very important to your mental and physical health.
The Vitamist products I'm taking are Pine Bark, Prenatal, Sea Spray, Colloidal Minerals, and B12 as. The sprays taste delicious! Let me mention lest someone doubts my intentions I have no interest other than the desire to share what makes me feel good in the hopes it helps others as well. I'm sure you can find Vitamist if you google it.
Kittyface
Do you take any supplements or herbs to help with your symptoms? Over the years I have experimented with remedies that don't cure HCV but make me feel like I don't have it. I've recently been on supplements that you spray in your mouth (Vitamist) instead of swallowing and I'm feeling like the energizer bunny again, physically and mentally. (Previously all I wanted to do was lay around and watch Judge Judy.) I'm also drinking 1/2 gallon+ of water daily as outlined in www.watercure.com which a doctor recommended to me. Water is very important to your mental and physical health.
The Vitamist products I'm taking are Pine Bark, Prenatal, Sea Spray, Colloidal Minerals, and B12 as. The sprays taste delicious! Let me mention lest someone doubts my intentions I have no interest other than the desire to share what makes me feel good in the hopes it helps others as well. I'm sure you can find Vitamist if you google it.
Kittyface
I'm so sorry for all of your problems.
I agree with Friole - a good attorney might be of a LOT of help. I don't remember if you are a man or woman but I know that most times it's practically IMPOSSIBLE for a white man to get SS the first time they apply.
I was on SSdisability after I broke my back and it took a LONG time and a lot of work to get it. It's a long stupid process not designed to be easy for those who need it. But...they did give me retroactive money (except for like the first three months that they take off) so I got a HUGE check when it came through. I really think it took like a year with all the doc appts and tests and stuff and I had a broken back, six blow discs and a dent in my BRAIN causing memory problems! I don't think I got it because of my back injuries...instead the brain doc really had sympathy for me (my husband just up and left cause I wasn't fun anymore...) and I had two small kids and he got it through, asap - once I got to him.
It's a long tedious thing. Perhaps a good attorney knows how to rush it through faster?
I sure sure sure hope so. How long have you been waiting now? Any way you can call them and find out where you stand?
Let us know.
I agree with Friole - a good attorney might be of a LOT of help. I don't remember if you are a man or woman but I know that most times it's practically IMPOSSIBLE for a white man to get SS the first time they apply.
I was on SSdisability after I broke my back and it took a LONG time and a lot of work to get it. It's a long stupid process not designed to be easy for those who need it. But...they did give me retroactive money (except for like the first three months that they take off) so I got a HUGE check when it came through. I really think it took like a year with all the doc appts and tests and stuff and I had a broken back, six blow discs and a dent in my BRAIN causing memory problems! I don't think I got it because of my back injuries...instead the brain doc really had sympathy for me (my husband just up and left cause I wasn't fun anymore...) and I had two small kids and he got it through, asap - once I got to him.
It's a long tedious thing. Perhaps a good attorney knows how to rush it through faster?
I sure sure sure hope so. How long have you been waiting now? Any way you can call them and find out where you stand?
Let us know.
sorry to hear what you have been going through. I remember you also. Maybe you could contact a state representative? Write a letter explaining your situation first and then follow up with a phone call. What NYgirl mentioned is very true as far as ethnic backround, so that may be part of the problem, but I hope you have family or friends around you that can help you with this.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Who would have thought I would garner so much support and kind thoughts on a forum about liver disease. You people are wonderful. I do have an attorney and at one point, after he submitted my records and requested a decision with out a hearing I was awarded benefits. Then bang, no phone calls, no reasons given but some mid-level jerk put my file back in the hearings pile. So I wait to hear from them and my life is in limbo.
Oh my babies, I miss having my own dogs. I am currently living in a householod with one, sometimes two dogs. They are wonderful. I am retired, another reason I should be granted SS benefits, so I have time for a puppy. I have not raised one for five years. This little guy was grabbed by my wife when she split for greener pastures ... *****. Well, on the other hand it would be best to rescue one of those guys from the pound. More and more shelters are going no-kill and keeping the animals for as long as they possibly can. Anyway, I feel like ****, I have no energy and it's cold outside. I live in Portland, Oregon and love it here but I sure could use a nice eighty-degree day for a change. Peace and love to all of you wonderful people.
dog_lover
Oh my babies, I miss having my own dogs. I am currently living in a householod with one, sometimes two dogs. They are wonderful. I am retired, another reason I should be granted SS benefits, so I have time for a puppy. I have not raised one for five years. This little guy was grabbed by my wife when she split for greener pastures ... *****. Well, on the other hand it would be best to rescue one of those guys from the pound. More and more shelters are going no-kill and keeping the animals for as long as they possibly can. Anyway, I feel like ****, I have no energy and it's cold outside. I live in Portland, Oregon and love it here but I sure could use a nice eighty-degree day for a change. Peace and love to all of you wonderful people.
dog_lover
I have tried to answer this a few times but I keep nodding off. You are all very kind and generous people and believe it or not my suicidal idealations are not as strong as they have been for the last couple of weeks. You have given me faith and hope too.
To put it simply, you guys rock
To put it simply, you guys rock
Hi, one of my best friends was a SS lawyer, so I used to help some people I knew on the boards and in support groups with a few tips, sounds like youre on your way to getting it, you know they don't grant it to you for Hep C per se, it's all the ailments that preclude you from working and how they all debilitate you...say depression is very high on the list of ailments they think get in your way of you being able to work and keeping a job...
a good lawyer is essential because when you do it yourself it's hearing after hearing for most people....a good lawyer knows many of the judges (many of the judges used to be SS lawyers themselves) so it's also how well connected they are...(like most rackets, did I say that? I mean businesses:)) make sure you know the percentage of cases your lawyer wins, how long in the busines, etc etc...I hope things go better for you soon - with as many debilitating things you have going on, I'm pretty sure you'll get it sooner then later now....I remember you, we used to talk about dogs...
I'm in dog and cat rescue, there are so many animal rescues looking for good homes for their dogs and cats, even bunnies! ha ha! , if you did a search you would probably find a dog rescue in your area....even if you wanted breed specific, they have breed specific rescues....these people work their butts off finding good homes and many of them take dogs out of pounds and do much of the behavior training, shots and spaying, etc themselves and then you pay a donation to them for their trouble, about as much as you'd have to pay at the pound...that way they have assessed the dog for behavior, etc, a pound usually won't go to all that trouble, but some do...
and the rescues orgs really need fosters too, if you think you can't make the commitment for a long time.....fostering really helps rescues out as they find good loving homes for their dogs...you have many options in that there are so many dogs looking for loving homes...best of luck with all of this...
Eric: youre sounding down today, I'll give you a ring...
a good lawyer is essential because when you do it yourself it's hearing after hearing for most people....a good lawyer knows many of the judges (many of the judges used to be SS lawyers themselves) so it's also how well connected they are...(like most rackets, did I say that? I mean businesses:)) make sure you know the percentage of cases your lawyer wins, how long in the busines, etc etc...I hope things go better for you soon - with as many debilitating things you have going on, I'm pretty sure you'll get it sooner then later now....I remember you, we used to talk about dogs...
I'm in dog and cat rescue, there are so many animal rescues looking for good homes for their dogs and cats, even bunnies! ha ha! , if you did a search you would probably find a dog rescue in your area....even if you wanted breed specific, they have breed specific rescues....these people work their butts off finding good homes and many of them take dogs out of pounds and do much of the behavior training, shots and spaying, etc themselves and then you pay a donation to them for their trouble, about as much as you'd have to pay at the pound...that way they have assessed the dog for behavior, etc, a pound usually won't go to all that trouble, but some do...
and the rescues orgs really need fosters too, if you think you can't make the commitment for a long time.....fostering really helps rescues out as they find good loving homes for their dogs...you have many options in that there are so many dogs looking for loving homes...best of luck with all of this...
Eric: youre sounding down today, I'll give you a ring...
Yes, the prenatal contains B complex -- here's the website
http://www.vitamist.com/
We haven't had a good yak in a while -- I'll call you.
http://www.vitamist.com/
We haven't had a good yak in a while -- I'll call you.
Well ..... I'll have to admit it was your name (dog lover here) that got my attention, and then it was your note that really got my attention. I'm on SSDI, and I know very personally that the process in and of itself minus the ailments that made you apply for it can make you want to blow your brains out and that there are times you truly wonder if the day will come that you will indeed take that route. It took me 3 years (with an attorney) - (didn't have to go to the hearing) to get it. I cannot even put into words how awful it was (those years and that process) i.e. - being sick and having to deal with the loss of everything (health, mind, income, self-esteem, self-respect, the desire to keep going) AND "the system". Since I can look back and call that experience a pivitol point in my life - a truly f****g traumatic one from out of the gate (when I first felt "ill") and then for the next 3 years and then some, I don't hesitate to write about it or to try to help someone else get their SSDI. In fact, when I did get mine (finally) I went on a mission to help some sick friends with Hep C (or not Hep C) get theirs (SSDI and 100% ratings from the VA). Just hang in there -- I think you are headed for a favorable ruling. Your myoclonus condition and the amount of pain medications you are on and the depression / anxiety is surely ENOUGH to get you the 100% favorable ruling - THIS time. I think it's a good sign that your attorney has advised you that you won't have to attend a hearing. That used to mean "it's gonna fly". I hope that is the case with you. I will be hoping with all my might that you'll get it this time. It's bitter sweet.
Mine? I began seeing a shrink in the late 90's because I began feeling like ****. Everything "medical" was ruled out, and so - docs thought I was depressed, and so I thought I would give "therapy" a try. I got my SSDI with a diagnosis of chronic depression and anxiety disorder and PTSD and drug addict/alcoholism in remission for >20 years. The only drugs I was on was those freakin antidepressants they were telling me would help - that never did help a damn thing except possibly knock on my liver a little more, make me feel worse, and also delay a proper diagnosis (Hep farkin C) pardon my mouth. (I'm not bashing AntiD's - it's just that the memory of trying them tends to **** me off when I think about it because I wondered why one wasn't helping me.) Anyhow...a year after I got that wonderful "favorable ruling" from the judge (3rd appeal) on SSDI with a 15 page summary of why I was "disabled" (I'm being sarcastic by saying "wonderful" because it sure as hell didn't feel wonderful) I was diagnosed with Hep C and was actually excited over the diagnosis, believe it or not. I didn't know much about Hep C but I knew enough about it to know that Hep C was probably why I had felt like **** for 5 years, and I knew I didn't like the thoughts of being "mentally ill", and so my first thoughts (when finally diagnosed with HCV) were "oh this is great! I'm not crazy after all - I've only got Hep C!" I'll never forget the day I was diagnosed with Hep C and I actually was excited to tell people I wasn't depressed -- that it was JUST Hep C. OMG .... would I ever learn, in the next few days more than I wanted to learn about Hep C. OMG ... I got on-line and started reading and thought for sure I'd be dead within a year. I was dreadfully CERTAIN I was near death, and I'll never forget looking around the room at all my pets (all rescue cases, all at one time abandoned, left for dead, been living the life of Riley with me for years, spoiled rotten, treated better than the boyfriend, they were the love of my life! - one sacked out on the couch who'd been with me for at least 14 years, one woofing sweet dreams on the other couch, and all the cats, all fat and happy, piled high up on the warm TV, another dog curled up in the recliner, and at that particular moment (I'll never forget it), all I cared about was them -- I wondered what would happen to them when I died. I collapsed (not literally - just sat down on the floor) and they all came over as usual, and I just boo-hooed my eyes out and told them all I would come up with "a plan" - one whereby they would be able to live the rest of their lives out in the home they'd known for the last 10 years or more. And here I go - I get on the phone (called the ex I had kicked out a few months earlier) and told him I wasn't depressed -- that I had just been diagnosed with chronic Hep C and was probably going to die soon (I was crying so hard - not over the thoughts that I might die but over the pets) and I asked him would he PLEASE take care of them when I died, and I told him he could move back in -- all expenses paid -- as long as he took care of the pets. He said he would! He asked if he could come back NOW, and I told him "no - please just wait til I die, OK?" Seriously - lol (I seriously did that). THat's been 4 years ago, and I'm still living and doing MUCH better and.... I'm sorry to say I've lost a few beloved dogs since diagnosis to old age and a few cats, BUT - I have not lost my love for jumping dead center into rescuing another one and bringing it home if need be. I've often thought that if there's anything left over by the time I do die, (yeah right lol) MOST of it will go to Friends of the Animals in Utah :)
Anyhow... off the pet topic because I could talk about my dogs all day long. I'll save it for another day :) Now onto "symptoms". I can tell you this much, and that is -- that every "side effect" that I've heard about treatment is the symptoms I had when I thought I was dieing and was going to doctors trying to figure out WHY I had a rash, WHY I had a low grade fever all the time, WHY I could not sleep, WHY I had night sweats, WHY I was exhausted feeling, WHY was I having a hard time charting, WHY couldn't I think anymore like I used to, WHY was I feeling numb in my arms and even my legs at times, WHY did I have occasional bruising for no reason, WHY was my nose beginning to bleed so bad, WHY was I dizzy feeling, WHY was my heart jumping and pounding, why was my hair thinning, why why why why why why -- (nonspecific complaints but I KNEW it was not "imagined". Finally, I was diagnosed with CHC and it was only because I demanded to be tested for Lupus, and the doc did, and he did a CBC, too, and for the first time my enzymes were slightly up, platelets were down, rbcs and wbcs were down, and he said "have you ever been tested for Hep C?"
I attempted treatment six months after diagnosis (in 2003 - grade 3 / stage 2 on biospy in 2003), but - me and treatment at that time didn't get along at all. I'll just leave it at that and say that I'm waiting for something better and under the care of two great hepatologists. I'm not on any meds - only my Toprol for my MVP (heart valve condition) and my Valium, 5 - 10 mg - which I take when I'm feeling particularly anxious or have had a panic attack. When I bombed on treatment (ex druggie here), I told my shrink I didn't give a flying rat's ass if I became addicted again to something or NOT - someone better prescribe me something besides a stupid AntiD to help with my anxiety or I'd hit the streets and find it like I did when I was 15. Of course, I was kidding, but - not really. It was THAT bad. But anyhow... I might take 5 - 10 mg once every week. If I'm going to Walmart, I have to have it - I hate that store. For some reason that store makes me feel like I'm going to have a panic attack, and so - I take 5 mg if I'm going to Walmart. Lowes? I don't need any Valium for Lowes. It's just Walmart.
My advice to you on the SSDI (if you need it further for your SSDI claim - which I don't think you will because I think you are going to get it - that it's just a matter of a LONG long process that you have to wait for) is - if you don't get it - do NOT GIVE UP. Don't give up on ANYTHING - including yourself especially! You are ALIVE! You still have DOGS! You love them! They love you! They need you! You need each other. OK? OK :) Get to a psychiatrist, too, if you are not under the care of one. PUSH those mental symptoms because those are TRULY the ones SSDI considers first (or... they consider those more than they do many other conditions).
I gotta go now. I miss everyone here. Bug, JmJm, even Kalio lol, Mremeet, Rev (where did he go -lol?), Myown, Wyntre, Compulsive, Domusic, Foresee, and SO MANY others who have inspired me when I've come here to read, given me strength, courage, taken my mind to a better place (all good things).
Speaking of inspiration - if you want to read some encouraging notes that might "lift your spirits" - (ALL of them are encouraging), but for some reason - I really get a "lift" when I read Foreseegood's notes here. That is not to toot her horn moreso over anyone else's notes or contributions here - it's just to say that when I read her notes, I feel lifted to a higher ground. And that also reminds me -- Goofy ... yeah Goofy is funny and has lifted my spirits, too!! GO is too. (Grand Oak) So.... well.... alright -I'm rambling. EVERYONE here is great! I don't know why I singled out Foresee and Goofy and GO for you to read if you want some inspiration or something to take your mind off things -- only that those three came to mind at this moment.
You have a great day, Dog Lover. Go hug em now! Sorry this was so long.
Mine? I began seeing a shrink in the late 90's because I began feeling like ****. Everything "medical" was ruled out, and so - docs thought I was depressed, and so I thought I would give "therapy" a try. I got my SSDI with a diagnosis of chronic depression and anxiety disorder and PTSD and drug addict/alcoholism in remission for >20 years. The only drugs I was on was those freakin antidepressants they were telling me would help - that never did help a damn thing except possibly knock on my liver a little more, make me feel worse, and also delay a proper diagnosis (Hep farkin C) pardon my mouth. (I'm not bashing AntiD's - it's just that the memory of trying them tends to **** me off when I think about it because I wondered why one wasn't helping me.) Anyhow...a year after I got that wonderful "favorable ruling" from the judge (3rd appeal) on SSDI with a 15 page summary of why I was "disabled" (I'm being sarcastic by saying "wonderful" because it sure as hell didn't feel wonderful) I was diagnosed with Hep C and was actually excited over the diagnosis, believe it or not. I didn't know much about Hep C but I knew enough about it to know that Hep C was probably why I had felt like **** for 5 years, and I knew I didn't like the thoughts of being "mentally ill", and so my first thoughts (when finally diagnosed with HCV) were "oh this is great! I'm not crazy after all - I've only got Hep C!" I'll never forget the day I was diagnosed with Hep C and I actually was excited to tell people I wasn't depressed -- that it was JUST Hep C. OMG .... would I ever learn, in the next few days more than I wanted to learn about Hep C. OMG ... I got on-line and started reading and thought for sure I'd be dead within a year. I was dreadfully CERTAIN I was near death, and I'll never forget looking around the room at all my pets (all rescue cases, all at one time abandoned, left for dead, been living the life of Riley with me for years, spoiled rotten, treated better than the boyfriend, they were the love of my life! - one sacked out on the couch who'd been with me for at least 14 years, one woofing sweet dreams on the other couch, and all the cats, all fat and happy, piled high up on the warm TV, another dog curled up in the recliner, and at that particular moment (I'll never forget it), all I cared about was them -- I wondered what would happen to them when I died. I collapsed (not literally - just sat down on the floor) and they all came over as usual, and I just boo-hooed my eyes out and told them all I would come up with "a plan" - one whereby they would be able to live the rest of their lives out in the home they'd known for the last 10 years or more. And here I go - I get on the phone (called the ex I had kicked out a few months earlier) and told him I wasn't depressed -- that I had just been diagnosed with chronic Hep C and was probably going to die soon (I was crying so hard - not over the thoughts that I might die but over the pets) and I asked him would he PLEASE take care of them when I died, and I told him he could move back in -- all expenses paid -- as long as he took care of the pets. He said he would! He asked if he could come back NOW, and I told him "no - please just wait til I die, OK?" Seriously - lol (I seriously did that). THat's been 4 years ago, and I'm still living and doing MUCH better and.... I'm sorry to say I've lost a few beloved dogs since diagnosis to old age and a few cats, BUT - I have not lost my love for jumping dead center into rescuing another one and bringing it home if need be. I've often thought that if there's anything left over by the time I do die, (yeah right lol) MOST of it will go to Friends of the Animals in Utah :)
Anyhow... off the pet topic because I could talk about my dogs all day long. I'll save it for another day :) Now onto "symptoms". I can tell you this much, and that is -- that every "side effect" that I've heard about treatment is the symptoms I had when I thought I was dieing and was going to doctors trying to figure out WHY I had a rash, WHY I had a low grade fever all the time, WHY I could not sleep, WHY I had night sweats, WHY I was exhausted feeling, WHY was I having a hard time charting, WHY couldn't I think anymore like I used to, WHY was I feeling numb in my arms and even my legs at times, WHY did I have occasional bruising for no reason, WHY was my nose beginning to bleed so bad, WHY was I dizzy feeling, WHY was my heart jumping and pounding, why was my hair thinning, why why why why why why -- (nonspecific complaints but I KNEW it was not "imagined". Finally, I was diagnosed with CHC and it was only because I demanded to be tested for Lupus, and the doc did, and he did a CBC, too, and for the first time my enzymes were slightly up, platelets were down, rbcs and wbcs were down, and he said "have you ever been tested for Hep C?"
I attempted treatment six months after diagnosis (in 2003 - grade 3 / stage 2 on biospy in 2003), but - me and treatment at that time didn't get along at all. I'll just leave it at that and say that I'm waiting for something better and under the care of two great hepatologists. I'm not on any meds - only my Toprol for my MVP (heart valve condition) and my Valium, 5 - 10 mg - which I take when I'm feeling particularly anxious or have had a panic attack. When I bombed on treatment (ex druggie here), I told my shrink I didn't give a flying rat's ass if I became addicted again to something or NOT - someone better prescribe me something besides a stupid AntiD to help with my anxiety or I'd hit the streets and find it like I did when I was 15. Of course, I was kidding, but - not really. It was THAT bad. But anyhow... I might take 5 - 10 mg once every week. If I'm going to Walmart, I have to have it - I hate that store. For some reason that store makes me feel like I'm going to have a panic attack, and so - I take 5 mg if I'm going to Walmart. Lowes? I don't need any Valium for Lowes. It's just Walmart.
My advice to you on the SSDI (if you need it further for your SSDI claim - which I don't think you will because I think you are going to get it - that it's just a matter of a LONG long process that you have to wait for) is - if you don't get it - do NOT GIVE UP. Don't give up on ANYTHING - including yourself especially! You are ALIVE! You still have DOGS! You love them! They love you! They need you! You need each other. OK? OK :) Get to a psychiatrist, too, if you are not under the care of one. PUSH those mental symptoms because those are TRULY the ones SSDI considers first (or... they consider those more than they do many other conditions).
I gotta go now. I miss everyone here. Bug, JmJm, even Kalio lol, Mremeet, Rev (where did he go -lol?), Myown, Wyntre, Compulsive, Domusic, Foresee, and SO MANY others who have inspired me when I've come here to read, given me strength, courage, taken my mind to a better place (all good things).
Speaking of inspiration - if you want to read some encouraging notes that might "lift your spirits" - (ALL of them are encouraging), but for some reason - I really get a "lift" when I read Foreseegood's notes here. That is not to toot her horn moreso over anyone else's notes or contributions here - it's just to say that when I read her notes, I feel lifted to a higher ground. And that also reminds me -- Goofy ... yeah Goofy is funny and has lifted my spirits, too!! GO is too. (Grand Oak) So.... well.... alright -I'm rambling. EVERYONE here is great! I don't know why I singled out Foresee and Goofy and GO for you to read if you want some inspiration or something to take your mind off things -- only that those three came to mind at this moment.
You have a great day, Dog Lover. Go hug em now! Sorry this was so long.
my sister shot herself through the heart 6 years ago. she suffered from borderline schizophrenia. at the time i was supposedly "helping her." shortly after that my mother suffered a debilitating stroke. i blammed myself for my sister's death and my mother's strok. depression swallowed me up, and 5 months later i found myself at the point of a handgun. Then something interesting happened.
sorry to hear you are having a hard time, i hope that you can get the help you need. i don't know that much about you, frijole mentioned your linked w/VA.
i do know that down here where i am at if one went through the county mental health services which are free to uninsured folk of certain income criteria, a county worker could write a letter, or refer to attny who handles soc. sec. having an advocate can help.
keep a good paper trail of doctor appt.medical and depression, assessments and needs, anything bolster your case. sounds like you need help yesterday.. is there a local community group or church group who can help you?
i do know that down here where i am at if one went through the county mental health services which are free to uninsured folk of certain income criteria, a county worker could write a letter, or refer to attny who handles soc. sec. having an advocate can help.
keep a good paper trail of doctor appt.medical and depression, assessments and needs, anything bolster your case. sounds like you need help yesterday.. is there a local community group or church group who can help you?
yes, I remember you. Good to hear from you. It sounds like your condition is worse than before - or your dispair is more. I don't understand why your disability has not started yet but it sounds like time for an attorney. They usually work for a percent and don't expect to be paid up front. I wish yo luck with that because it would certainly take some stress off of you.
I honestly cannot remember anyone posting with your varying conditions so it is hard to figure out what your symptoms would be. Weren't you also waiting for the VA to treat you and they won't treat you because of the depression? Honestly when you post that ou are suicidal all the time, I have to ask myself how you could handle the ribavirin which seems to charge the emotions. There have been several people who have made it thru treatment with major depression and bi-polar condition. There are some who have had chronic back pain. However, I wourl think you would need psychiatric consultations before and during treatment.
I was hoping you would have replaced your companion by now. Have you thought about it?
frijole
I honestly cannot remember anyone posting with your varying conditions so it is hard to figure out what your symptoms would be. Weren't you also waiting for the VA to treat you and they won't treat you because of the depression? Honestly when you post that ou are suicidal all the time, I have to ask myself how you could handle the ribavirin which seems to charge the emotions. There have been several people who have made it thru treatment with major depression and bi-polar condition. There are some who have had chronic back pain. However, I wourl think you would need psychiatric consultations before and during treatment.
I was hoping you would have replaced your companion by now. Have you thought about it?
frijole
I wish I could wave a wand and make your problems disappear.
You sound like you're suffering terribly, and yet you're still reaching out to help the furry four-pawed ones.
Are you on TX now?
I'll say a prayer that your ss goes through and I send you my best wishes for an improvement in your life, your health, your emotional state and your best friends.
Hang in there. The puppies need you.
wyntre
You sound like you're suffering terribly, and yet you're still reaching out to help the furry four-pawed ones.
Are you on TX now?
I'll say a prayer that your ss goes through and I send you my best wishes for an improvement in your life, your health, your emotional state and your best friends.
Hang in there. The puppies need you.
wyntre
My last baby passed away in August. I'm moving soon but now I'm heading out to the Oregon Humane Society to rescue another baby and perhaps two. They have given me so much asking for nothing in return. Thanks for the kind words
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