FEAR GUILT AND ANGER

[bobbyullc]

i have been reading some past posts and have noticed a thread running around in many of them. that is fear,guilt and anger.

i thing the worste tradgedy of hep c is that so many heppers waste so much of their time nursing these emotions. they are all SELF INFLICTED.

FEAR, to waste even one hour fearing something that probably will never happen is a crime. why ruin what time we have left on this earth?

GUILT, i was sick, i felt no more guilt than if i had a cold.

ANGER, at who. no one did this to me on purpose? why be angry and at who.

this is a day that GOD has given us to enjoy. ENJOY IT !
BOBBY

[snowbyrd]

LOL......i took my shot a couple of hours ago.....woke up kinda in a fog.....saw your post and i can't stop laughing.  Thanks Anita

[l-horn]

Ahhh my favorite emotions.

Actually, I've found this journey to be very positive in many ways. Because I've really sobered up for the first time in years, I have more clear thinking and yes, I do have a lot of guilt about things I have done/said to people in the past. I don't have guilt about having hepC at all. I feel sad about the lifestyle I lead that gave me the hepC. I have learned to forgive myself for the things I've done to others, and to myself.

Secondly, the fear I had when first diagnosed and started treatment is gone. There are several reasons for that I think. The main one being is that I cleared the virus. I can't say how I would feel if I had not or how I would feel if I relapsed. That is a bridge I will cross if I come to it. The treatment hasn't been as bad as I anticipated.

As far as anger goes, I had issues with anger BEFORE I knew I had hepC or started treatment. If anything, the illness has HELPED me with that by coming to some realizations, that are in part as I stated before, being sober.

Hey man, life is a project. You just do the best you can and try to be a better person than you were yesterday. To quote the great John Wooden, former UCLA basketball coach:

Success is not winning but being the best YOU can be.

[mikesimon]

That is utter nonsense especially coming from someone who treated and suffered during treatment. So if you weren't afraid why did you treat? Was it curiosity? Fear is natural and fear and spirituality are in no way mutually exclusive. They can and often do coexist. You act like you've been close to death and that may be why you suggest comparative degrees of fear of death having some relationship to spirituality. I myself have been close to death on 2 occasions and I wasn't the least bit afraid. Death is death and it comes to all of us. But, suffering and becoming marginalized physically and/or mentally does scare me and a slow painful death does as well.  Mike

[chcnme]

Since diagnosis, I have definitely been one to become consumed with fear at times, and guilt, too.   Oh - the fear has motivated me, for sure, and it definitely got me on the run and to the right places to do the right things,  and it's given me a shove to do things I may have delayed doing, or... the fear has made me live a better life in many many ways.  But, it's ALSO a terrible feeling to be "consumed" with fear and to wonder every single day if some teeny new symptom is "the virus".  Hep C - while it's deadly for some and is the number one reason for transplants in the U.S. - is not deadly for most who have it, and I think (no... I know) I need reminding of that.  So, thanks, Bobby.  

Guilt?   Well, I think our level of guilt depends on what we've done in our lifetime and how we have lived it, or how we used to live it.  I have guilt.  Anyone who lived like I used to and didn't have guilt is a .... well - I don't know if it's possible to live guilt-free if you've done some things.  Maybe it is, but it's certainly not something I can claim I do not have - guilt.  Guilt also motivates, but it can make you miserable lamenting a past that can't be changed, and so I try to turn guilt into "try to live right today", and I do - live right.   I like to think my past made me a better person,  and it did.  But I still have guilt over it.  

Anger?  Yeah... at myself for...this virus, for how I got it, for the heartache I caused others back then.  No one else is angry at me, though - lol.   I mean -- all that mess happened decades ago!  

But anyhow..... thanks for the reminder that guilt, fear, and anger can take away from our day and can indeed be a waste of time.  

[GrandOak]

Oh pleazzze, are you now trying to tell me that you know *my* mind, feelings, and emotions and that I don't?  When exactly did you ascend to the status of God, during one of your near death experiences?  

"So if you weren't afraid why did you treat?"
Firstly to try an avoid death by end-stage liver failure and secondly to hopefully remove the risk of infecting my family or others.  

"Was it curiosity?"
No, but then given your godhood status you should have already KNEW that.

[mikesimon]

I did know - you were scared as anyone with any sense would have been. Fear is not a sign of weakness or a sign of a lack of faith. It is the natural response when faced with danger and that was my point. Mike