Poor Marriage-end of treatment-stress

[mistybean]

My personallity changed while I was on treatment.  I think I went nuts.  The best I can describe my behavior was like a post partum depression.  And yes, my monlthy cycle did stop while I was on treatment.  Did I hit menopause too?   I was very hard to live with and ended starting treatment with a good marriage and now ending treatment with out a marriage.  My husband has left me.  In part because I have made his life difficult because I became more needy and expresive ( meaning I liked to talk about issues more).  I made mountains out of moles, overacted, and everything was a crissis.  My husband who had quit drinking 7 years before.. developed a every-other day drinking habit.  He would take down alot of booze.   Bottle of wine was on the light side.   He bagan to shut down emotionally and view himself as a victom of my attacts and reckless personality. I was under lot of stress on these drugs, working, and just trying to survive.   I am sure that if my husband would of stayed and accepted I was sick. .. that all of this would of passed.   Now with four days left on treatment.. I have the tough task of trying to find my finacial asset so I can turn them over to a lawyer to proceed with a divorce.     He was my partner.. my love and my life ( outside of work)  I was with him for over 17 years. Now thier is nothing that can tie the two of us back together.  My partner turned on me and I can tell that he wants out.  So out he can go..!!  I hope my new life brings me new excitment and health.

[MrsOckert]

Oh My Gawd!!  I just got a glimpse of what it must be like for everyone around me to see me!  Don't you think your response is a bit excessive??

I happen to agree with Kalio about the response to the brother-in-law.  Doesn't God and His Word teach to return hatred with love.  Turn the other cheeks.  Be the bigger person.  A whole lot of other platitudes.  Those are not just words.  Those really are the actions we expected to exhibit in our lives.

I'm sorry, but I really think you're the big loser here.

[beamishboy]

thks for the kind words-i am missing chevygal something terrible these last couple of days.....i am tru-blu fan of ol kris,and 'the silvertongued devil' is my favorite album...still playing that vinyl masterpiece,and dancing like a fool sometimes...I need to listen to some music rite now!  maybe riki lee jones-chuckie's in love---dancing music for sure & i need to get outa my damned head --feet do there stuff!!
strator--i wish i could attend sum meetings w/ you..heck i would even do the patchin&sanding&priming&paintin of ceilings for ya(6'3") just for a opportunity to hang w/  somebody trx& dealin so well!
i'm feelin particularly isolated & ignored last couple of days--self-perpetuating behavior no doubt,but try explaining that to my totally out of focus&addled brain.............

[strator]

A point that I was reminded of by Kalio1. You know it is true what we have all mentioned about sober alkies living as good examples of the human race, I loved what I saw in people I met in the program...fact when I first got in the program I thought the whole world should be required to attend meetings, drinkers or not... but after a while that intoduction also opened my eyes that the there are a ton of people in the world, here on this board included, that just seem to always have been doing the right thing.
Kalio's comment about integrity and honor is what reminded me. Those are the exact words I have always used to describe my Dad,it defines him. It defines a couple of coaches I knew that stepped up to the plate and showed kids somebody cared, it defines the elderly grandmother that scrubs floors to support her kids children, the WW2 vet who once slapped my long haired hippie brother over his stand on Viet Nam in the 60's-than turned around and apologised saying-'I'm sorry, you have every right to believe war is disgusting, it is, and I pray that my own children never experience it.'
The counselors, and policemen, and my own children, who shared their hope for me with me...tx, addiction, whatever the journey-more people than not-seem to always step up to the plate.
Peace,
Don

[beamishboy]

"most men are not" !!!!!-lol- hey, c'mon now;most people are not.....i totally understand the tendency to isolate-i am so not myself right now,that interaction is real hard work...i am overly sensitive,distracted,impatient,tired,sick,sick,sick--ohhh and a little sx we refer to as "brainfog"--now that helps me deal with stuff bettter!!!!  as the song goes-"i'm a walking contradiction;partly truth&partly fiction;.(going off in all directions)...............;on my lonely way back home"--can't rem. all the words kris kristopherson song.....long as we get back home in one piece it's another of lifes lonely journeys--thks for your post mrs. ockhert,it was heartfelt,open and helpful for me,hi to hubby--'nother guy who should be a nominee for sainthood??!!!!---i'm kidding, i'm brainfogggin,deal another hand of cards--"I'm in!!!!!"

[painintheside]

This disease recks havoc on all aspects of our lives. I am so sorry it has takin such a toll on you and your husband.

I pray that you find strength in the Lord and that your life gets better from here!

Sincerely,
Dana

[MrsOckert]

I'm sorry you've had to lose so much because of this TX.  I don't think it's totally fair for some people to completely blame your husband.  Granted it was his choice to start drinking again - you did not "drive" him to it.  But I've said for 4 weeks now I'll be amazed if my marriage survives treatment.

I am geno 1b, 11/48 and my other vehicle is now a broom.  I also started TX with an excellent marriage and the only reason I still have one (marriage, not excellent) is because my husband is a saint.  Most men are not.

My thinking doesn't work anymore.  I open my mouth and have no idea what is going to come out of it.  On Saturday at church I offended two people in 5 minutes.  I yell and scream at my husband for no reason at all.  Yesterday we played cards with friends and within 30 minutes I got into an argument with everyone there.  I don't realize what I'm doing until I'm so deep into it I can't stop.  I had to make the decision last night not to talk to anyone anymore.  I'm not answering the phone or seeing people until I'm done with this medicine.  I can't trust myself with people.

It's hard because when I am thinking rationally I realize it's not fair to treat my husband the way I do just because I"m on medicine.  He does understand, but it still hurts him.