Poor Marriage-end of treatment-stress

[mistybean]

My personallity changed while I was on treatment.  I think I went nuts.  The best I can describe my behavior was like a post partum depression.  And yes, my monlthy cycle did stop while I was on treatment.  Did I hit menopause too?   I was very hard to live with and ended starting treatment with a good marriage and now ending treatment with out a marriage.  My husband has left me.  In part because I have made his life difficult because I became more needy and expresive ( meaning I liked to talk about issues more).  I made mountains out of moles, overacted, and everything was a crissis.  My husband who had quit drinking 7 years before.. developed a every-other day drinking habit.  He would take down alot of booze.   Bottle of wine was on the light side.   He bagan to shut down emotionally and view himself as a victom of my attacts and reckless personality. I was under lot of stress on these drugs, working, and just trying to survive.   I am sure that if my husband would of stayed and accepted I was sick. .. that all of this would of passed.   Now with four days left on treatment.. I have the tough task of trying to find my finacial asset so I can turn them over to a lawyer to proceed with a divorce.     He was my partner.. my love and my life ( outside of work)  I was with him for over 17 years. Now thier is nothing that can tie the two of us back together.  My partner turned on me and I can tell that he wants out.  So out he can go..!!  I hope my new life brings me new excitment and health.

[Forseegood]

Hi, so sorry to hear you've been through so much...but the good thing is that it looks like you're looking forward to the future, which can only be a good thing, I hope the future holds many good things for you and yours.

Of course I dont know the particulars of your situation, I don't even know you except what I read in your posts, so perhaps it's silly for me to comment on your particular situation so I'll speak in generalities...  

I do know something about alcoholism, quite a lot actually. And I do know that many alcoholics are really, really good at not taking personal responsibility for their own actions or inactions, and making other people feel that they are to blame for at least most of the problems that happen within their own personal relationships. There are also certain types of people out there, largely women but they include many men as well, who are very vulnerable to the manipulations of alcoholics, hence the formation of al-anon and a few other codependent groups. These groups are very good for many people who are suffering, they can make people feel much better about themselves and their own situations.

Tx does have a tendency to alter personalities somewhat in some people, that's a given, but life is a mystery and we never know what can happen and sometimes we just have to play the hand we are dealt. Within a marriage vow it says "in sickness and in health" and to me tx falls under the "in sickness" category. I'm sure you weren't any picnic to live with all the time and you have your own issues besides the tx, we all do...but you were treating with some very strong drugs and hopefully, our mates and families will be there to make allowences for this, and all people involved will try their utmost to make the best of a not so great situation...the treater and the people around them. That's what friends are for, that's what families are for...it's easy to stick around when times are good....Just my take and my own opinion...

[mistybean]

You bring up a very positive solution.  I did several times remind my husband that I was on these strange drugs and that my moods .. behavior were altered.  My picking on him about his drinking may or may be an illusion as I really don't see the world right at this time.  Tx..brought up alot of old issues of mine.  Memories of my past with my extremly violent alchoholic farther began to surface.  So my husbands drinking did drive me nuts because I saw a very goodlooking man put on 50 pounds over a periord of a year.  He began to look haggaged and tiered and i began to resent his problem. Life became too complicated with these alchohol issues. I became a co-dependent and got caught in the alchohlic cycle of rescue/resentment/ and anger.  Now he is angry with me and and wants away from me.  He is an electrical engeener with a very good company. He will be popular with the girls because they think he has money from his stock... etc.  I say.. I  think I set his circut off.   My goal is learn what I learned from TX.  My issues surfaced for a reason.  I will move on and hopefully prosper.  

Thanks so much1

[mistybean]

You are correct.  I have never been a real easy to live with.  I am a hard driving female who has accomplished many goals:  from teen IV drug use to college, good job and 15 years in marraige.  Anyway.. what the tx did was force me to start to learn about how alcholism effects the family.   Being the kid of very mean alcholholic you would of thought I would understand the issues.  My mother shot my dad when I was 16 because he was drunk.  He lived. I freaked out when my husband began to be obessesed with alchol..  I began a nagging control freel. I saw his obsesseions taking over, his moodness increased, and he began to blame me and find fault in how I was.  Why... because he is not happy with himself.  He will figure this out some day.   I am free now.. to move on.

cheers

[Forseegood]

Good for you! I hear the conviction in your voice, and though nothing worth obtaining is easy, I know in my heart you'll make it!

[Sambone Martian Ambassador To the moon]

On mars we have an old saying " it doesn't matter where we have been, that is only where we have gone. It doesn't matter what we have done, that is only what we did, and it raelly doesn't matter where we are at,that is only where we are. The only real question is what are we going to do now? Running off a relapsed alcoholic is A pretty good place to start. Hang in there.
                                      Sambone

[beamishboy]

good news on your status!....you have to deal with one thing at a time;and your health is #1.......as grandma use to say"without your health,you don't have anything..........cheers to your health& new life..