Potential sex partner freaking out about my infection

[anneinMD]

Has anyone else had issues with a potential sex partner rejecting them after you told them you were HCV positive?  I met a really great guy, and things got pretty hot, so I did the right thing and told him the truth about being HCV positive, and about the drug use 21 years ago that caused it.  He is afraid he will get it from me if we were to have sex, and the thing that really gets him is that he could get it from my toothbrush.  That is the one thing that really sticks in his mind.  This guy is smart and well educated, and I think he is overreacting, but then again I freaked out, too, when I found out I was positive.  I was sick in 1985, got better, and nothing since.  My liver enzymes are normal, as are my liver sonograms.  I don't think treatment is even realistic for me. I weigh 102 lbs, and don't think I'd make it through treatment.  I am quite healthy as long as I don't drink.  I am just wondering how other people deal with this situation, in the world of internet dating, etc.  I have a friend with herpes, who was met with similar reactions, and she said she just doesn't say anything anymore.  Thanks for your thoughts and feelings on this, I have lost sleep and weight over this one.

[fishdoc]

dump him.  You didn't meet a really great guy, you just thought you did.  My 24th anniversary was the 1st, and my husband, sons, and my family are negative, and I'm a nasty woman!!  My mom just grosses out regarding sexual issues, even french kissing...lets just say I don't.... if it was gonna be spread to a partner... mine would be in trouble..  So sounds like this guy is not too bright, and who wants a potential father for your children that is stupid??   Natural selection, dump him!!!

[can-do-man]

Risk from sex is very very low. If he doesn't want to learn about hep-c then your better off without him. As for toothbrush why in the world would he want to use your tooyhbrush? For goodness sakes take a couple bucks and buy your own. There would be some risk in the toothbrush if gums were bleeding. This is a blood to blood virus. But most people don't understand it. As for your health you really should find a good GI or hepatologist and get your geno type and a bx. This is usually a slow moving virus so you have time to decide whats best for you. But please at least find out where you stand. Best of luck to you going forward.

[can-do-man]

says...... and who wants a potential father for your children that is stupid??

HEY was that a cheap shot at me? Takes one to know one

[lilmoma]

DITTO WHAT FISHDOC SAYS
Dump him,.....your deserve more from a partner.
lilmoma

[can-do-man]

GEEZ, if he doesn't know about hep-c but is willing to learn. Give us men a break. Its always give me give me give me. Then out you go. Here kitty kitty. :) HAHAHA

[can-do-man]

For got to welcome you to the funny farm, hope you come back with any questions. The farm is open 24/7 and its always free. Plus as you might know were no doctors just hep-c people who are treating, waiting, or done treating. Take care

[Rogirl]

I agree with others--this guy isn't worth it.  I think you did the right thing in telling him--and his reaction tells you volumes about the type of person he is.  But--there is a huge misconception out in the public domain regarding hepc--and part of that is because more research is occurring.  Some research suggests 30% of hepc individuals contracted via "community exposure"--and what exactly does that mean--tattoo application, ear piercing, nail salons, etc.  Percentages vary regarding sexual transmission but it does occur--even if it is only 1%--someone will fall into that category.

[jmjm530]

Assuming you told him before you had sex so it's not a matter that he doesn't trust you...

I think this is a normal initial reaction and if the fellow means something to you (and vice versa) hopefully with time and a little education he will come around. On the other hand, if it's just a casual fling for him, maybe he figures why take the risk (albeit small) if things aren't going anywhere.

Lots of threads on whether and when to tell a potential sex partner and lots of different opinion. Some say if you use protection it's not necessary to reveal, others disagree. I told several women I had hep c, and to some it didn't matter, to some it did. As you mentioned, you were freaked out yourself when first diagnosed -- you have to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Regarding the toothbrush, I never kept my toothbrush, brushes, nail clippers in the bathroom when "company" was around -- always put away in a drawer. Instead I had a fresh new one out just in case.

I understand your reluctance to treat but even given your normal enzymes and sonogram, you may still have liver damage, possibly significant liver damage. Easiest way to find out is with needle biopsy. Do you know your genotype?

BTW given your screen name, I'm assuming your a doctor? Curious about what speciality, etc?

Thanks for sharing your experience.

-- Jim

[anneinMD]

Thanks for the thoughts, all.  He isn't stupid in any sense of the word, but certainly underinformed about Hep C.  He led a more sheltered life than myself due to the nature of his work. I have a pretty checkered past, but that is way in the past, and I am looking to be involved with higher quality people than I once did, and it seems the general population doesn't know much about this disease. I gave him some websites that I thought were pretty informative, but he is still freaked out. I told him to ask his doctor or a medical professional for advice on this one. My daughter is negative, and I'm pretty sure her father is as well,(the lazy ******* won't get tested) and we had sex when both of us were bleeding, lol.  Well I know I was in more ways than one (what a visual).  This is my first experience coming out of that relationship of 9 years, and having to confront someone new about this.  I was diagnosed 3 yrs ago, and my doctors aren't recommending treatment at this point because of the normal liver enzymes.  I have standing orders to get them checked every 6 months.  I agree, why would I want to make myself that sick, just so I could say it is cleared from my blood?  My one doctor described my infection as dormant.  We aren't talking about a potential father for my children here, I'm 44 yrs old, don't want to be going through the change and changing diapers!

[jmjm530]

annein:
"I was diagnosed 3 yrs ago, and my doctors aren't recommending treatment at this point because of the normal liver enzymes."
----------------------------------------
You can have normal liver enzymes and still have significant liver damage. You may want to get a second opinion at this point regarding having a biopsy to confirm your decision to hold off treatment.  BTW if you're not a medical doctor, you might think about changing your screen name since it may mislead others. This is just my personal opinion and I have no official status with Med Help.

-- Jim

[anneinMD]

No, I'm not a doctor.  I live in MD.  I'd be a much more reputable source of information to him if I was, even though not a neutral party, which is what I encouraged him to do-find a neutral party that has reputable info - ie a doctor or medical professional.  I gave him a couple links, told him to do his own research, God knows I did mine when I first found out. And you are right about giving him space, I made sure to let him know that my initial reactions were not good, in fact, I did the worst thing I could possibly do, and drank over it.  The fact that I  heard back from him after the initial conversation is a good sign, because I really hadn't expected to at all.  This has made me think it is time to discuss my options again with my doctor.  I have an HMO, but there is an excellent GI doctor within the practice, that I learned about from a support group.  I am going to make an appointment on Monday with my primary.  I have no clue what my viral load is, pretty sure I don't have damage.  The sonograms would most likely have turned that up, but more info might be good at this point.

[Chriskid]

I always view this question as a sales problem.  In those instances where I find myself on the verge with someone I

[sfbaygirl]

Too bad you aren't an MD, I was about to pick your brain LOL.  My husband and I have had risky sex for 8 years and he just tested negitive for Hep C.  I has to be pretty damn difficult to get it through sex.  

I agree you should see a GI and from what I hear, get a liver biopsy to tell what damage has been done to your liver.  You sure don't want to tx,  if you at a very low stage w/ no damage (especially for this guy!)  Do the treatment for yourself, don't make decisions based on some guy.  There are lots of great Quality men out there.  I know b/c I went out with some slime balls before I decided that I needed to raise my standards.  I was married last summer to an intelligent wonderful guy.  He knew about the Hep C and married me anyway.  Good Luck!

[RobBetz]

normal liver enzymes do not correlate with liver damage...it is known that with Chirrosis one may have normal LFT's...everyone is different

--Robert (47/48 down)

[susan400]

If he was so worried about it, he could always use a condom and stay about from your toothbrush!  It's very low on the risk scale to catch Hep C from monogamous (single partner) sex.  I don't have periods so no blood exposure there.  I'd say the riskiest would be anal sex because of the way that you get more tears and cuts in that area.  If your guy would just do some reading and do so with an open mind, he'd see that there are ways to have sex with a Hep C person without putting yourself at risk.  My gosh, it's more dangerous to walk out your front door and just going through every day activities than it is to have sex with someone with Hep C.

Susan

[anneinMD]

Well, they say everything happens for a reason.  I did tell him before we had sex, so we never had sex.  Maybe he is just after sex, if that is the case, no harm done, I want more than that.  I went so far to tell him that I was glad it didn't happen and maybe it was a good thing.  A good relationship is based on friendship IMO, and time will tell here.  This will get me off my butt on Monday and start dealing with this with the doctors again.  I did depo for birth control before, so no periods with that, could do it again as I have been off for about a year and a half.  I think he is a little obsessed with the whole toothbrush thing.  I guess he thinks that if you can get it from that, then maybe they are wrong about the rate of sexual transmission.  If my gums are bleeding, well he's already been there...yeah, just stay away from that toothbrush!

[returntosender]

I have had this virus for 35 years.  With my first wife for 15 years and second wife (the good one) for last 15 (time almost up - anyone looking for a worn out 55 year old hepper? Only three shots to go - future looks bright! LOL).  

I have only known about being positive for about ten of those years. I told both of them.  Both were tested.  I have three kids who were tested.  No one has this disease but me.  Neither partner looked down at me or treated me like a leper.  In fact, my sexual relationship with my second wife did not change at all after my diagnosis.  I think it has something to do with being in love - or that I am such a hottie that they cant resist me!

[Algernon]

I got divorced just a few years ago, facing the dating world with knowledge of my HepC for the first time (having learned of this virus about 25 years after contracting it--there were a "few" partners prior to my marriage...)

Anyway, I met someone and worried and worried over how to tell him about HepC.  He happened to be an ER doc and the news didn't even phase him.  I dread telling the next person (if I happen to relapse after this treatment)...but I will tell.  Hell, condoms (and toothbrushes) are cheap.  (BTW: the ER doc never even worried about using a condom and we dated for a couple of years).

Something to keep in mind:  Saying no or yes to sex with a HepC person doesn't make you a good or bad guy.  No guarantees...

[anneinMD]

Funny you should use the word leper.  I wrote this guy a long note and I told him his reaction made me feel like one,and that his reaction pretty much put out the fire that I felt for him after our night together.  This is a wakeup call, if his heart is in the right place, he'll come around.  As far as that other part of him, it is in the right place right now, too, still in his pants.

[can-do-man]

annien says........  This will get me off my butt on Monday and start dealing with this with the doctors again.

Well good for you, remember you come first. Now you said monday even though my mind is shot i do have a good memory.:) And your right if all he cares about is sex then you don't need him. You take care and let us know how things go ok? Take care of yourself, hope to see you post more. And sometimes you just have to overlook me, my evil twin sometimes takes over.

[amirtracy]

Hi! Hope you're doing well. Thanks for asking after me a few threads down, i responded but i think it got buried. i'm doing okay, it was dyce that wasn't sleeping, but thanks for the link for ambien. i'd love some just for every now and then but i'm sure my gi would just refer me back to my pcp. you know the loop. anyway i hope you're hanging in there, reading your posts always makes me smile. take care can-do....tracy

[sunspot]

I like your outlook and you seem to be forthright. Why don’t you stick around? At least let us know what your genotype and viral load is after you test. You may luck out with a VL of <10 and not have to go through treatment.

Dana

[can-do-man]

Your gi shouldn't have a problem writing the rx. He knows this tx better then your pcp. Glad your doing ok. Print it off and give it a try. Thanks for the kind words and 'hanging in there'is about it for now.:(

As for dyce not sure if he really knows if he's sleeping or not. He was suppose to put a head cam on his hard hat and do a header off the roof whle flapping is arms like a bird brain. So we'd all have a video to watch. Still waiting though.

[amirtracy]

thanks. i've got an appt. next week, i'll see what he'll say. i'm sorry you're not feeling better. is there anything i can do? tracy