Recovering Alcoholic

[ohgreat]

I know that this is a disease for anyone.  But I know that I came in contact with the virus because of behavior (durgs) that directly related to my alcohilism.  

I have been sober for a long time, mainly due to the emotional damage brought on.  At times it seemed like a tough road to follow.  However, Now that I have found out that I had tested positive for HCV I have lost all desire to drink whatso ever.  Its more of a non-issue (desire to drink) now, than it ever has been before.

Is this common?

[dyce]

I can relate to your sufferin, I drank for years and have been sober for 14 years . Isn't a day goes by I don't dream of goin down the bar and gettin hammered up. Every Easter my uncle and I would head down to sails inn and salute the day by drinkin budweiser and eatin pickled eggs( boy would my wife b--ch when I would get home LOL). Thru prayer and dailey fightin the urge I've stayed straight this far. It's 1 day at a time my friend and your not alone here. This is not unusual to feel like this.

  Your doin great there oh great, keep up the good fight and if you start gettin overwhelmed post here, 1 of us will talk to ya about your issues!

Dyce

[ohgreat]

thanks for reminded me to keep it one day at a time.  I really need that.  I really need this forum too.  It has been amazing how a few words have helped me out so much.  My signifigant other is in a treatment facility.  Alcohol has ruined her life, tons of DUIs, financial woes, and that pales comaparisson to the emotional suffering.

I drank pretty hard for 10 years. At the begining of my drinking I even hit a parked construction vehicle with my car causing me to have a lacerated liver(THAT CANT BE GOOD FOR MY HEP C!).  didnt learn to put it down until I was 29.

I quit drinking. For 4 years.

  Then I relapsed last year.  That is when we met and we have fallen madly in love.  Then the came the new DUI and return to recovery groups.  Sitting and waiting around for courts and stuff was agonizing but I could be there as a source of strength and stability for her since I have been fortunate to have ZERO legal trouble and wanting all my life to have an opportunity to have someone in my life.  I quit drinking again as well.  Luckily the judge was EXTREMELY generous and handed down 4 months inpatient treatment and probabtion (rare in this state for that many DUIs)

It felt like we got our second chance.  A new lease on life.

After about a month of her being in there, I went in for a routine physical spurred on by an on/off again cramp i had feel ever so often under my ribs by my breastbone. My ALT was 122.  Then the fear set in.  Then the confirmation of the antibody.

It has been devastating for me to have to tell her in treatment that I have had this and not known about it.  These last months have been so painful for us.  Through 15 minute phone calls a day,  Only one 90 minute visit on the weekend, and tons of letters we have had to not only work through her treatment but also now this.  

I just saw her and wished her a Happy Easter and we had a very moving and important discussion that brought us even closer.  She truly has amazed me and I realize that she is the one who is helping me.  

In 3 weeks she gets out.  I just dont feel like I can through with my follow up tests alone.  This hard lump under my ribs by my breastbone is scaring me so badly.  She is so there for me but I dont feel like I deserve it.

I really need to keep my mental stabilty going.  And just try to take it one day at a time.

sorry to blab so much, happy easter everyone.

[big bloc]

I drank for 25 years.yes nothing sounds better then ice cold beer on hot day but every time I think about it I think of the hep c. In feb my buddy would not stop he is no longer with us. That put the fear of GOD in me.Its not easy. I pray more every day now more then I have my whole life.Its not easy telling any one. It me a year to tell my wife. Iam 10 weeks in TX Iam at peace of mind.You will do just fine.Keep strong

[simplehue]

Oh great, I started using at 11 yrs old, sobor and clean of drugs and Drink for 20 year now. And yes Iam certain that Hep C is part of my life because of my path. By the time I was 19/20 I was shooting up in any vein I could find. The Drinking continued of course and so did the drugs. Long story short, When I did get sobor and clean, There were Not many days that went by that I did not remind myself of what my drinking and drug use caused and the pain it caused me and the people around me. I could let my mind take over and tell the war stories of the fun I had, but that wouldn't really be the truth. Reminding myself of the painful experiences and what i missed during those years has helped me though some moments. Not the only thing but one of the things. Hoping this helps you as well as well.
I know this is a hard time for you and your partner, and giving each other support though this seems to be on your side. Hang in there, its a hard road but You can do it. They say, " you don't get the rainbow, till after the storm" So hang in there.

For me, Being told I had Hep C and learning more about it, It was like that song by Tim Mcgraw," Live like you were dyin". Life became more meaningful, my perceptions on some things started to change, I thought more of the people around me and took in the moment a bit more than before. I was scared too, and somedays still am, but I have to admit I deal with it much better now than in the beginning, but you will find people here that have experienced or Are experiencing the same things. Stay in touch and post. We understand and are here for you.

[Moniker]

It's a great gift, the fact that you've lost all desire to drink. I'd been sober in AA for quite a long time when I was diagnosed with hep c. They say that alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful and patient. I'm grateful that I too have lost all desire to drink. I get to AA meetings to keep my memory green, so I don't have to do the same old mistake over and over again.

I like the AA people, I like the AA ideas; AA saved my life. Plenty of people with bad livers do drink themselves to death. If I picked up one drink, I would be out of control again very soon. I might get back my desire to drink. It's especially important for those of us with hep c not to drink. It's important not to drink while on hep c treatment. If we want the treatment to work, we shouldn't drink a drop. Thank goodness we've both lost our desire to drink. I don't pick up the first drink one day at a time. I know that the first drink will get me drunk because I'm powerless over alcohol. My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. I love sobriety!

Now, I'm coming up on week 41 of treatment. I have a good shot at a cure. If this treatment doesn't beat my the hep c, I know that the new drugs that are coming along can. One drink would end it all. I'll treasure that gift I have - I've lost all desire to drink. What a miracle!

[Pauly Boy]

Congratulations ohgreat, Not only has something been granted to you that no alcoholic is able to accomplish ( 'cause we don't do it) but it also came along at a wonderful and most auspicious moment: a moment when you've gotten some very unfortunate news: HCV+, and this coincides with your non-desire to drink. Is any of this sound like a coincidence? I don't think so!. Somebody's lookin' out for you my friend, you must have a new friend. Well, good for you!!! What a blessing to have the deadly desire to drink lifted from you during this very busy time in your life.

While reading your post I kept thinking of this poem that talks of me seeing only one set of footprints in the sand during some of the most trying times in my life, and  me remarking that God had abandoned me during this time of need. Then I'm reminded that the reason I only see one set of footprints is because it is during that time that he has been carrying me all along! Boy, that poem is so special to me...

I had to realize that with help I could overcome some very powerful forces that I thought were inevitable. I was wrong. I took the opportunity that was given to me. My life is not determined by who serves the most booze at a party. It used to be like that. But it is not like that anymore. I'm starting tx this Thursday for HCV. Why? The same reason why I stayed stopped drinking: I wanted a better life. So, I'll do what I need to do to get rid of another negative thing in my life; a thing that I don't need. I wish you good fortune in all you do
ODAT
Paul

[NYgirl]

Let me tell you you are NOT alone!  There are lots of us in here who made the same exact mistakes and ended up in the same boat.

The good thing though is that there are lots of people in here who understand and are more than willing to share their knowledge with you on any question that you might have come up.  It helped me so much just knowing I wasn't alone and that the QUALITY of the people in here..the kindness and caring and concern is just phenomenal.

Best of luck as you travel the hepper road. The good news...there is a cure and we CAN achieve it!  :)

[strator]

I'm glad the obsession to drink has been lifted for you. I  found out about my hep c in the process of trying to get sober. In '93  after 24 yearsof 24/7 drinking and drugging, I was given a miracle by God. As a 24hr aday drunken addicted single father of a then 2yro boy, I knelt down in the bathroom in tears one night and said the alcoholics prayer "God please get me sober."  That was it. The gift was granted. I never took a drink, and had no desire at all to drink for 7 years. I was not in a recovery program and although I matured and worked on spiritual growth, always trying to do the right thing something was missing. I was lonely. Even my family(none alcoholics) said why don't you go out and have a social life. Although i had no desire to drink, it remained the only way I knew how to socialize(I had been a bartender for 17 years). I had a great job, got published as as an artist, life was great. So I decided I'd test the waters, now that I was a responsible type. First few weekends a couple of drinks at a club and home to bed. By the 3rd or 4th week I decided to add some drugs. Less than a month later I was going at it 24hrs a day. Two years of misery. I wasn't afraid of death, I was afraid of living the way I was. Some one in recovery knew my story and brought some friends to me. Today I have 2yrs and 7mos sober. I have no desire for alcohol and drugs. But now through a progam of fellowship I know that what I thought was a gift, is actually a priveledge. I and my doctor agree that drinking and drugging would kill me faster than hep even if I didn't have hep. It was tough to feel bitten in the A** with news of the hep aftr finally straightening out. I didin't even want to go on tx because I thought I wouldn't be in control of my emotions and thoughts and might drink. My sponsor told me, 'dude, you were never in control.' A transplant survivor at a hep group told me, 'if you work a good program, you won't drink, tx or not.' Today the most important aspect of my getting through tx is working on my sobriety, and learning how to participate in life sober. I no longer get up desiring not to drink, I get up desiring to BE sober. Maybe the hep will go away someday, but I'll be an alcoholic to the day I die. 70% of the phone calls I get or make a week are to others in recovery, If I'm lonely I seldom notice it. Tx sucks somedays. I feel a lot of the same physical and mental anquish I had when I was drinking. But today I know there's another side to the wall in front of me.
Be Well, My prayers to both of you,
Don

[amirtracy]

You're not alone...and it's not easy. But you can get through this. I'm an ex-addict/alcholic and felt the "bite" of hepc after i got straight. I'm thankful for every day sober and for not having the desire to drink/drug anymore. I'll never go back. I never knew what i was missing. i thought i was having so much fun. it's crazy 'cuz THIS is fun for me now. I don't know how i didn't get it. my kids, my husband/family, being a decent person- being accountable. that's fun for me now. i hope you find the strength you need. best of health and luck to you.  tracy

[Paris47]

I stopped drinking New Year Day 1991, I wasn't sure
what an alcoholic was (really nieave? (sp) or that silly denial...anyway), I didn't need another thing to be addicted to, & I have an addictive personality, so giving up alcohol was actually easy, but can you believe this.... I do like to 'smell' the drink..for example... when someone else is having a beer, I say something stupid like 'wonder what that smells like, I have never heard of 'blue moon beer' then I smell their drink, how gross!! Make's me sick that I do that, but I won't drink, I only have one liver, and my ex who also w/hep c, committed suicide 2 years ago, was an alcoholic, I guess I didn't want to end up like that, my kids (young adults still suffer from this) not looking for sympathy, just wanted to share my story. I am so thankful for my chance, I wish my ex had this chance, he really was a great guy!! I know he would have benefited from this group, & the treatment. Even with the sx it is worth it, if I get to wake up in the morning. Even when my boss, hits below the belt, I am thankful, I get to deal with it, the alternative is not good. thanks for bringing me back to reality.

[amirtracy]

hi strator. how you doing? i hope you and your family are well and that you had a great easter. also hope your sx's are easier on you lately... your 14 yr. old sounds a lot like mine. we're the lucky ones.   take care, tracy

[beamishboy]

winston churchill said"there is nothing quite so invigorating as to be shot at without effect"- granted w/ have all 'had effect',but the sentiment somehow fits with us 'the survivors'- we lived onthe edge(i certainly flirted w/ death) and sought eye opening hi risk occasions;trying to make lives more exciting or numb or lost -Now, hav been given the opportunity to soberly reacquaint selves with 'The Real' ,the magnificient gift of our lives-It's a great big wonderful world and there is nothing to fear-embrace sobriety,reality,life!! don't hurt that the thot ofa drink on these meds is a revolting prospect.....Be Well All&GoodLuck

[kiltedguy]

After 14 years you still craving a drink, damn I've only quit drinking 1 1/2 years ago. I was hoping that wanting a cold beer on a warm day feeling would go away.  I was surprised how easy it was to give it up (nobody died), I think knowing about the Hep. C helped.  I find it hard also because everyone (wife, famlies, kids) tend to be drinkers.  At first it took me awhile to get used to not drinking, I don't think I went anywhere I knew there would be drinking for about 6 months. (I didn't want to see everyone else having fun)  It's not so hard now but parties are not as much fun as they used to be.  ;)
Hang in there, it gets better and your doing it for a good cause.

[Forseegood]

Really glad about this thread, it's a good indication of just how serious addiction and addiction issues can be...I think once in awhile a newbie will be asking how long they have to wait to drink, can they drink with hep, things like that, and at least to me that's a red flag...with this disease and it's harsh treatments, one would think that wouldn't be at the top of your worry list...sometimes when people post those questions, I think some people who might not have addiction issues and not know much about them, (or even be suffering from them themselves and not know it) answer these people oh, a few drinks would be okay, etc...

that sort of thing, and I don't think they always know the gravity of any given person's problem, not to say anyone means any harm, the people here are wonderful and caring... but sometimes issues like this can literally mean life or death to some people...

no one wants to come off like an old maid who never gets any pointing their finger like Marion the Librarian, ha ha! and maybe that's how I have come off sometimes, but like I said, this disease and alcohol do not mix, I've witnessed that enough times....

[GoofyDad]

<i>no one wants to come off like an old maid who never gets any</i>

I hear one of those conditions is quite treatable :)

But like always, there's that dang risk/reward analysis :(

[Dov Baer]

I have hep c and am two years post transplant.

If I drink even three ounces of wine my face turns red. I'll bet my blood pressure goes up but I've never measured it after drinking alcohol.

It's probably an interaction with the immunosuppressive drugs I take.

No more kiddush wine or l'chaim for me.

[mikesimon]

I was transplanted in June 2000. A glass of wine doesn't affect me like that. I never drank post transplant until summer 2005 and now I have 1 glass of wine with my dinner on Friday night. As for interacting with immunosuppressives I never heard of that. My dose is 2 mg. Prograf every other day and it doesn't appear to have any effect on me and wine. Mike

[beamishboy]

there is a condition-memory fails me often these days-that causes red face-from a bit of wine,heat,embarassmnt.....does not signal blood pressure problem but some kinda over reacting nerve response.....well, i hope this makes sum sense& Goodluck

[Dov Baer]

I've been asking my transplant doc about either lowering my prograf dose or eliminating it. I currently prescribed 4mg twice a day. Additionally I take 75mg of azothiaprine.

My transplant and recovery were ideal with no signs of rejection. My labs are normal.

Are you taking other immunosuppressives?

[mikesimon]

Yes, I take 250 mg. Cellcept (Mycophenolate mofetil). This was prescribed way back because it was believed to be better for hep c patients - it was thought to suppress viral replication in some way. My recollection is that it is now thought to be of no added value insofar as HCV patients are concerned but, for some reason, my surgeon likes it. I have never seriously discussed this drug with him except when he cut my Prograf dose in half I asked whether I should stop Cellcept. He said "no" and I left it at that. I worry more about Prograf and it's impact on renal function so I was happy with the dose reduction. I was treated for rejection on 2 or 3 occasions - I'm not really sure whether it was 2 or 3 but on those occasions I was treated with a gram of intravenous solumedrol. In retrospect I really wonder whether those episodes might have been the HCV rearing it's ugly head shortly after transplant. Back in 2000 diagnosis relied almost exclusively on biopsy and rejection and hep c reinfection of the liver are indistinguishable on biopsy. Now they can look at dendretic cells and ascertain the likely cause but back then if it was close in time to transplant they called it acute rejection and if more than 6 months they called it HCV. Mine occurred within 2 months of TP so I got the solumedrol. I would guess that your center will try and reduce your dose in time. Some centers are more aggressive in the goal of reduction and elimination of anti rejection drugs when possible. I know people taking 1 mg. per week. My center is very aggressive on reduction so I will probably be reduced further if my blood studies stay good. I wish you the best. Mike