More Side Discussions

[honey1616]

I was wondering if all of you that are on tx now,,,go through stages off and on,,,where you just flat don't care about anything,,,just going through the motions so to speak. And the look in the face is a very vacant look,,,,Like I'm out to lunch LOL  That is what I have been going through lately and have experienced it also in month 4 but want to know,,,when this happens,,,How do you pull yourself out of this?  I have noticed that seems like mental sides are really setting in more for me lately...I have noticed at times in my husband also when I'm talking to him and it can be scary,,,, You just want to wave your hands in front of face and you just want to say "hey its me" Please give me a hug and tell me where you are at? Anybody can relate?

[Showboat]

Honey:::: Yes, I remember that "out of focus" feeling....kind of like cotton is stuffed in the head....I went out to lunch with some of my girlfriends during tx and I "went out to lunch" when I was there.....LOL...I could hear the conversation, and I knew I was there, but I would sometimes find myself staring straight out like a zombie...and having to mentally pull myself together so as to not draw too much attention to myself....(they all just knew I had been sick with a very nasty infection, which does have truth to it)
I had that experience while driving once....that is pretty scarey.........I would be driving and just looking ahead down at the road...with no visual focus...kinda fuzzy, and having to tell myself to look up and watch what I was doing.....not fun............it is like an out of body thing....the mind is still working but is rather disjointed.

Chev:::: You are too kind...You all are the Angels.....but I consider you a great friend too....and am honored that you feel that way about me............

Amerabrit:::: Thank you for asking. I am doing fairly well.  After I got over the initial sadness and disappointment that my PCR rendered....I got on with living.   The reality is that "this is what it is" and I feel that I cannot dwell in the negative as I truly enjoy living fully.   I feel that every moment lived is worth the lessons they bring.....good, bad or indifferent.  I do have hope and I am blessed with a positive attitude and a hope.....(was lucky to be given that gift at birth, I guess)....I am trying to be as good to my body/mind and spirit that I can these days as well.  I am always filled with joy when others attain SVR....I know my day will come.  I am hopeful for the wonderful things that are to come in tx....and I am "resting" now....but still having fun, girlfriend....

Sheebee:::::Sorry to hear that your hubby is having a difficult time.  I know as a loving spouse it is so hard to see your loved one go through this.....he is lucky to have you.  I hope that you are doing well yourself, (this is not easy for you either) and we are here for you both..........Peace

[Amerabrit]

Hi there, How are you feeling today?  Are you well enough to go off on your trip to meet your friends from the board?  I hope your plans are working out and that you have a great time.  Say hi to all from me:)
Have a great weekend!

[shebee]

Hi there...hubby just started on a new box of infergen.


He did his shot.  It turned red around the injection site.
This shot knocked him out for 2 days.


He backed off for one day...

and yesterday, he did another out of the same box.
It turned red also around the injection site.
Although this was normal for the pegintron & pegasys....it is not with the infergen.  

It seems that one out of four boxes are killers.  I can always tell which shots are going to knock him flat by the red welp (the size of a golf ball) that shows up within minutes and takes a week or so to go away.




Are some batches are different than others??????  We both think so.



He is so sick again...you know the routine....fever, chills, every joint hurts...even his bones hurt and more.  I am so glad that is able to sleep through most of this.  I expect to see him awake on Sunday.


Your,
Shebee

[Amerabrit]

I am so happy for you that you were able to clear up the confusion regarding your test results.  Congratulations! You, too are well on your way to SVR.  May the rest of your journey be as stress free as possible.  Kind regards.

[Califia]

This burst of honesty and wise counsel from everyone has been so therapeutic and, well, groovy.  (Have always loved that song, Chev. Thank you.)  It's a rough experience all around,  the fear, the anxiety, the apathy, the sometimes overwhelming physical distress,  all of it.   The stuff is definitely psychotropic in the literal sense, but this aspect doesn't get talked about enough.   I remember feeling euphoric in the first two weeks--until the smile froze on my face.    Controlling the negative mental states seems to be a major part of the challenge of treament.   It's like carrying a boulder-sized Philosopher's Stone on our own backs, eh?    

After typing my first response to Honey I actually took some of my own advice, visited the vaporizer, and felt profound emotional and physical relief for the first time all day.   New-Sojourn, you make good sense -- and let's put in a word about the usefulness of cannabis in controlling bad nausea and GI distress.   (Works way better than Phenergan.)  It's hard to be upbeat when you're body is in trouble, so much easier to handle with a little mental adjustment.   I don't think I've ever fully appreciated the medicinal value of this herb as I do now.  

[Tony-z]

Hee is the song. Now you can hear it.


         Flash backs do happen from interferion!!!

<a href="http://home.comcast.net/~tzeazas/My.Files/Simon-and-Garfunkle-Feeling-Groovy.mp3">Feeling Grovy.</a>

               Good Day to ya <B>Lady</B>

                
                    TonyZ

          Soon To Be Completly virus free TonyZ

[cuteus]

well, I got to this post late, but I see that you are a bit more at ease today. The apathy might be our companion for a bit, but it doesn't completely take over....
be well

[honey1616]

Ambush,,,thanks so much and yes,,great idea,,I can play stupid and have a good reason for my outbursts!! haha I will tell everyone I'm on riba and irrational so lookout! LOL  They would love that wouldn't they,,,Take Care!


Chev,,,(((Hugs))) Show had excellent advice and honestly I haven't heard of yellow palms. Is it possible that you were a little nervous maybe and sometimes offices have that bright lighting that can make you look pinkish or on other hand,,,real white looking and that could make a yellow cast. I'm sure the test coming up has you nervous and we all know we definitely don't want another round of tx...I remember when I found out I had hep,,,,I looked up symptoms and also liver damage,,,and I examined everything on me and the littlest thing,,,I would relate to liver damage so we all can do a big number on ourselves!  I feel so good about you being a 2 and Clear,,,,I have never even once thought you would relapse! Have a great Weekend!

DonL & Amerabrit,,,Don that is a great way to put this,,,we can take a peek in future and now we know we still have the rest of our lives to do all the things we want! Thanks so much again for such valuable advice!!  
Amerabrit,,,you are the greatest and make me feel so good! Sometimes I feel like I'm getting weak LOL and not from anemia and then your comments,,,keep me going!!  Sometimes I wonder if you and Don are hubby/wife team or counselors because you both have such a calming effect to the board!  Thanks again for being such a good friend and yes,,,,I will be meeting you after New Years at finish line!!  Cheers!!

[jg2001]

I haven't seen that worry in you in a long time.  I hope you slept well and are feeling alittle less anxious today.  I don't know what to say Chevy except...take care of yourself.

Tony, congratulations!


Always,

Jamie

[DonL]

I think the comment about not pulling yourself out as much as hunkering down is appropriate here. I felt so much reduced in what I could do, what I could think about, what I could accomplish that only the thought was that it was temporary got me through. I told myself that this was a peek into old age and senescence (I certainly felt senile at times) and that it was a gift. Instead of being old and infirm, I had a look into what was coming and I would still have the opportunity to accomplish what I wanted when I was done with tx. For me, writing down how I felt, hopefully with humor, accuracy, and insight, made me feel better.

And while we're on the drug analogies, riba seemed more like speed without the mental effects. My body was completely awake tossing and turning while my head was still trying to sleep. Or perhaps some of the batches of bad orange sunshine...

Anyway, Honey, consider yourself hugged.

[Amerabrit]

Honey;  You have to one of the sweetest, most considerate people on this forum and for you to go through tx while caring for and supporting your hubby on tx too, well that just blows my mind and frankly, I don't know how you do it!  You have double the reasons the rest of us have for feeling the blues..  Honey, try to remember that you're winning and there is a light at the end of the tunnel..  I could never be as strong as you, you; you inspire me and are one of my living heroes..  Stay strong, you know you can do this:).

Chevy:  Pansy?  Far from it.  You have provided support to all who have asked for it in the form of, kindness, warmth and humour;  you are a rare find, a lady who conducts herself with grace and charm but has a hint of mischief in her eyes...:) Actually, pansies are rather beautiful, they have rich, deep color and a brightness that attracts the eye;  Okay, you can be a pansy:)

Showboat:  How are you feeling? I often think of you and admire your determination in the face of disappointment. Should my ultimate results be the same as yours, I will look to you as an example of how to conduct myself..

Ladies, you're all heroes to me.  Please be well and stay strong.
Kindest regards,
Amerabrit.

[Showboat]

Hey, sweetie.....I am giving you a cyber hug ((((((kiss)))))
I can feel/sense your concern......do not stress over those things.......hey, my hands are pink, and I am a relapser.....you may see more "yellow" contrast in your color just out of worry....I know that you are thinking about your PCR that is coming up.   It is always at the back of our minds and it can create a mind consuming fear, and that fills us with apprehension and so much unsettled energy.   Try not to worry too much, I have a good feeling about your PCR.....may you sleep peacefully tonight and may you only have wonderful dreams.

[new-sojourn]

Rev: I don't know what kind of lsd you took, b/my sx's were not even close to the affects of the lsd I took.  Oh yeah, that was back when it was legal in the 60's.

My sx's affected me like chris-crosses (bennies).  So I took my shots-3wkly, 24wks-in the morning w/tea and buttered toast.  And then took a brisk walk and cleaned and organized everything.  that way the meds were pumped thru my whole body and the toxins sweated out and I had pretty good nite sleeps.  I never could understand why so many people take the shot @ nite and then can't sleep.

I purposely have always lived in med marijuanna states, ever since I first lived in Alaska, back in the 60's.  Hepatitis C is a 'qualifier' for med marijuanna in the state of Washington.

So when I get the blues, the blahs, the weepies and the poor-why-me's, I smoke a joint.  I didn't pop a pill, or give into the 'dark side' or let myself develope 'riba rage'.  Stress, unhappiness and 'rage' all set up negative chemical reactions w/in the body.  All those self made chemicals are hard on the liver and hard on those your living with!

I know the god squad doesn't like my point of view.  But marijuanna works and w/a doc's Rx its legal.  25%+ of the Westernized nations smoke pot whether its legal or not.  so to that 25+% of the people here, get your Rx if possible and use one of the least toxic and most helpful drug available to releive the sx's.

[Ambush]

Oh, yeah.....I was a major space cadet :)  I still have some fog left (8 weeks post tx now) but it's getting better. I didn't find there was any way to pull myself out of it. I just kind of hunkered down and rode the wave. It was made easier that my kids are grown and gone and I have a supportive husband who is very quiet and didn't require much chat. I think winter time is easier to deal with as it's more acceptable to grab the afghan and vegitate. In social situations I felt like I was in a bubble and avoided gatherings all I could.  Fog is not such a bad thing, because as I think back from May '03 to July '04 ~ it's all a blurr and that's OK. Hang in there and try to enjoy the fact that no one dares to expect much from you right now (wink).
ambush :)

[honey1616]

Docsgold,,,Thanks and yes,,,its been so long,,don't think I can remember what it was like to think clearly and not feel like I'm someone else LOL Yes it is wonderful for others to say this all will leave us!  Hang in there!


Tony,,,Great News...Keep up the kicking!!

Califia,,,yep,,Nothing like a good movie and to actually feel like you are almost part of it with all the emotions and love a zany show!! LOL

Revenire,,,hahaha LSD?? Now that has me laughing....You did describe this so well as I sometimes am so physically tired but still have that energy going through me...I honestly don't think you could ever totally describe this to anyone,,,It is definitely something that you would have to experience to understand..

[tina-b]

Hi Anna,
Lou told us a few threads down that his bx was good news. No damage.
TinaB

[Califia]

Yes, I do know exactly what you're talking about.   Descended with the other furies a few weeks ago.   I second Rev's comments:  The more we fight the feeling the worse it seems to feel.  We have to make it work for us somehow just as it is.   Me, perhaps I'm not availing myself quite enough of certain home remedies ....still afflicted with this stoic let's tough it out attitude...instead of meeting the mental state halfway.   (Am I being vague enough here?  Get my cough, cough drift?))    But you must  admit the state is perfect for sick humor, Lenny Bruce tapes,  really bad movies....even great ones like _Hero_.  Beautiful!  Inspiring!  Awesome!  Knocked me right out of my flat affect, if only for an hour and a half.    Hang in there, you two.

[annainitaly]

hey lou,
still waiting to know about your biopsy... if you feel like telling.

I wish everybody a nice-as-possible weekend.
anna

[Tony-z]

After much research, also calling Quest Diagnostics. I found that I am a responder and by this day in time, I am most likely  non detectable. So the meds are kicking some butt and I just need to focus on completeing TX.


               Thanks for your help.


                      TonyZ

[Docsgold]

I can indeed relate to you.  The physical sides have really put a halt to my active life.  I will do shot 18/48 tonite--o, joy, joy.  
My mental state, well, it's not pretty.  I wonder if I will remember what I used to think like when I get off this stuff.  And if I can get by without lists.  And how worse is it gonna get?
I got bloodwork back today and my TSH dropped from 2.7 last month to .15 this month.  Perhaps that has something to do with my moodiness and no, I am not on AD's.  I think I got really pissed to think I am killing my thyroid--and what else?--to get rid of this virus.  One wonders if it is all worth it and it infuriates me when my Mom says it's not forever.  It is forever when you are the one suffering through.  Then she gives me a hug and says I would take this medicine for you if I could so you didn't have to suffer so much.  I tear up, then I calm down and try to remind myself of the positives of these meds, clear @ 12 weeks, destroyed my addiction to cigarettes, vanished my zits, cured my constipation and perhaps the possibility of a thick head of hair after tx.   LOL, every little positive thought helps.  I think soon I may have to write them down and put them in my pocket before I forget what they are--simply because I don't care anymore.

Funny how I read posts before starting tx and scared myself to death about side effects.  They are not as bad and yet worse in some ways than I anticipated, but "doable" is the word I learned and so far I am doing it.  I understand now what everyone was talking about.  I am also grateful for those who have finished tx to say they feel great and the fog has lifted.  I will be glad to get to that point and be able to post a comment about feeling good again.  Just 30 more weeks of poison to go!  

Hang in there and good luck to you.