broke up with me after he came off tx!

[darcar]

hi all..
well i posted here a few times this summer over medical issues, and also behavior issues in my bf of two years.
he was on int/ riba for three and half years straight.
when he came off it..he immediately was having personality changes.
up all night , antsy, restless..etc..and i posted about that .
well, then he was saying his head feels all cloudy and confused and needs time apart..to figure himself out.
im not sure if this is partly due to the meds. the pot he smokes constantly , the paxil..
the anxiety he is feeling over his health issues..
im at a loss..and im leaving him alone and respecting his request to be on his own.
After being there with him thru the ups and downs of tx..and now he is off it ..and to come to this aburpt switch..im so confused! i feel like i liked him better on tx!
and im not sure who this is..and i get the feeling he is confused and all out of sorts too.
Can this be partially due to coming off tx ?
there are so many factors involved at this point..i am not clear as to what is causing what.
for now..im just backed completely off..no contact ..for about four weeks..
and just leaving him alone.
he did email more calm sounding on thanksgiving..saying he doesnt know what he is doing! lol
geez.
its like i thought things would be better after tx..and now it seems a mess.
sorry for this vent here...im not sure where to put it..
which forum..but i cant help but feel this has alot to do with coming off that prolonged tx regimen he was on.
thanks
love
darcar

[darcar]

you are all amazing people!
i posted at the wrong Hepc board, but i didnt realize it , but i guess i ended up  here too for a reason and im grateful to you for your kindness and support and UNDERSTANDING.
MerryBe, yes he loves to isolate...and so much of what you said rings true.
Life will go on for me either way,...im pretty feisty and love life, concerts , music, animals,
jokes...so, i will be ok..plus my faith is strong,
But your words are very grounding and what i needed to hear .
Thanks so much to all for your good wishes , prayers and all..
I will keep you posted....
My best and prayers for you too..
You all deserve the best !
much love
Darcar
THANK YOU!  :-)

[merryBe]

skipped a beat....salesman said "I would never do that because I have to look at myself in the mirror each morning and shave"....ok, so now we get it. : ))))))))))

[Myown]

MerryBe said: Truly people aren't much different. If they hurt enough they want to crawl off, they push the ones they love even away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dacar, sorry you are going thru this but merryBe really hit it on the head, sometimes we do push the ones that we love away even with all they have done for us. Its sad but true. Hopefully you guys will get back together and work things out.

[merryBe]

it takes 3 to have a commitment. Both of you, and One Other.
Love does not exist in a vacunm, and love takes effort.

Being there are a lot of "treaters" in here, it's easy to see how sensitivities can explode as we each "personalize" our experiences and proclivities.

But being tossed aside after years of care giving is a danger in the heart,
and not something you should be made to feel ashamed for having come forth asking for help concerning.
(Besides which people, if she didn't love him and want it to change, would she have even come in here looking for advice or support in the first place?

Let us know how it all turns out, we will keep him in prayer as well.

I will say anecdotally because it relates:
my kitty got in a hunt with a critter, got bit in the neck, and is very sick, just took her in today as we finally noticed something was wrong, but the bite has been there 3 or 4 days VET said.

I'm telling you this why????????
, because, all a sick animal wants to do sometimes is hide under a bed and be left alone. As she is doing today.
Truly people aren't much different. If they hurt enough they want to crawl off, they push the ones they love even away.

It will be wonderful to hear if his heart does change.
Why not accept the love we are offered? It hurts to see him not want love offered up!!

You hang in there, and remember however it turns out, Grace is given, but folks still must choose to accept or reject it.
That territory belongs to each soul and to God alone.
mary.

[merryBe]

boy I'll say a hearty amen to what she/you're having!!!

David said "my sin is ever before me".

Ergo, this is my favorite prayer for people. If we cannot see our sin, how can we ever hope to repent of it?
David's "seeing" was a gift from God, a grace given so that repentance would issue forth.

Funny story, a saleman tried to bait and switch and screw us last week...on our new furnace.
And so I called him on it.  And he made some extremely lame excuses, several of them. Ending with "I always do the right thing, because I have to look at myself in the mirror each day".

(so, I'm thinkin and prayin"......."get him God").

and he comes over 5 days later......with an inch of all new beard. (didn't shave)
I did not even recognize him for the first 2 minutes he was standing there talking..... he looked so profoundly different.

might this have been Somebody's way of confirming to me....

kinda letting me know what the real truth was, if you follow.  : ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[hairtamer]

If you are committed you don't leave.  You give it all that it takes.  Ask anyone in a successful relationship.
God Bless,
Rose

[lanier]

so its OK to get "off topic" as long as somebody is telling you how "great" you are.  I seeee

OK I get it now ; Welcome to the Hepatitis forum right back at ya

Lanier
Ps I am so happy your "the committed" one....is that bellview...;)

Lanier

[darcar]

thanks so much Hairtamer..
I hope you do find people to be there for you ..and yes the disease is horrible, even from the sidelines.
If i didnt care as much as i do...good , bad, or otherwise, stupid or smart for caring..
it is what i feel..and thats all there is to it.and i posted here many times for medical info on the disease ..ONLY BECAUSE I CARE.
if that is my sin..then i am guilty and im not sorry one bit for all i did or do.
thanks.
im here for you!
love you
Darcar

[hairtamer]

A good marriage or relationship will withstand anything.  It also takes equal commitment on both parts.  The person that leaves the relationship is the one not committed, for what ever reasons.   darcar, you are the committed one.  As I said before, you are an angel, and you were a Blessing in his life at a time when he needed it most.  
God Bless,
Rose

p.s.  I will keep both of you in my prayers.  I have this horrible disease and feel it would be a Blessing to have someone care enough to be here for me.

[darcar]

hey Geter..
with you..im damned if i do...damned if i dont.
if i didnt care..i was an uncaring selfish *****.
and if i did stay and care..im STUPID.
which is it ?
make up your mind.......

Now..who is it you are really so pissed at ,,,cause i sure as heck know its not me..

[darcar]

hey if you dont like reading  about the "soap opera" then you shouldnt read it!
and you think it has no place here on the hepc message board?
he has Hepc, has cirrhosis, was on tx 3+ years, just came of tx, takes paxil..
BUT it has nothing to do with hepc?
sorry honey...but it is a part of the equation, and thats why i came here in the first place for knowledge on the drugs etc and if/ what effect it has.

and  Spcecst2..
lol  thanks for the laugh...and the good vibe.

Darcar

[Proactive]

My goodness lanier...I'm curious,which part of the board header don't you understand?

"Welcome to the Hepatitis Forum!
This forum is for questions about medical issues and research aspects of Hepatitis such as, questions about being newly diagnosed, questions about current treatments, information and participation in discussions about research studies and clinical trials related to Hepatitis.****** If you would like to communicate with other people who have been touched by Hepatitis, please visit our new Hepatitis Community/Living with Hepatitis forum"

Merry Christmas to you as well....Pro

[lanier]

OMG ...so what you are saying is that WOMEN HAVE INTEGRITY AND MEN DO NOT....WOW I hope all the REAL men out there step up on this one.  I cannot believe you wrote that it is as bad as your ridiculous other concept times 100000000.  good grief we are talking nature/nuture here.  you have never had a father figure or at least a man who has shown you there are MEN out there who are in touch with what it means to be honest for no other reason than it's just the right thing to do.  

and Proactive if you want to make it a clinical blog step up to the PLATE WITH YOUR DEGREE sand we can listen to your baloney and spam.  This is a BLOG A PLACE for people to VENT in REGARDS TO AND IN RELATION TO ANY FUNCTION THEY CHOOSE RELATED TO THEIR CONFUSED AND OFTEN REALLY MESSED UP LIFE due to having a chronic organ disease.  You must be a great guy too, that's the problem with so many people today I would wager you both either came from broken homes or are scorned and have had to pay a female one way or the other.

start your own blog try the "people who live to iniate others into the world of living without integrity"

Merry Christmas to you to get er done and pro active??? maybe you should change that low active

Lanier

[spcecst2]

Don't let them get you down, I'm interested in a little "Tough Love" could be fun!

[geterdone]

Lanier, so true, when a woman starts bouncing she will let you know, but when a man starts bouncing you will never know it until the very end which may be playing out here. BTW didn’t expect glassy eyes of mums down fall or my time in the woods.

Have a Nice Day :-)
jasper

[Proactive]

I guess I fall into Getter's camp on this one....darcar,who the f0ck cares, this soap opera drivel doesn't belong on this board...Pro

[geterdone]

Then you were stupid for staying for so long knowing all this, Tough Love! then follow your own advice... walk away and never look back, if you wanted gratitude then you should buy a puppy. He owes you nothing except what he is willing to put into the relationship which by your account has been nothing because of his addictions.

[darcar]

Geter.....

trust me on this one....
if there is anyone who should be Untrusting in the relationship..and for good reasons,
IT SHOULD BE ME...NOT HIM.
And if anyone should NOT BE COMING BACK...it should be ME.
i have had the friggin patience of JOB with this man.
So GETER , while i think you think you know the whole story, you dont.
Sorry if someone in your life hurt you somewhere or somehow, and maybe you think my situation is the same as yours was...
But its not.
My guy has hepc but also has alot of addiction issues and the personality of selfishness to go with it.and i made damn sure to go to alanon all along ..and not be taken advantage of.
Yes , he is pissed at me. and yes he has plenty of resentments..but not cause i mothered him. ,
it was because i treated him like the adult he is..and made him responsibille for his actions...and
would not be his ENABLER.
Some people just cant handle tough love..and when they get it..they throw a tantrum like he is doing once again NOW.
AMEN!

[geterdone]

not since the first week of TX and we all know what that did, they were some wild times back then, Lol. Yeah, I know it's the drugs...

jasper

[geterdone]

You’re funny, I will enjoy reading more from you as will everyone else.

Merry Christmas to you as well.

jasper

[CockSparrow]

Geter - When a man starts to bounce in a relationship as she has said he is un trusting of her feelings towards him
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not true its the drugs. They screw up the way we think. Anyone who can put up with someone on Tx is an angel in my view. We aint that tolerant ya know.
CS

[lanier]

well from you "discription" you must have been around that hospital bed a few times....do you think anyone will return the favor when it's your turn.  nobody here is getting beamed up, so maybe this person who really made you "mad" might just have known you were there...believe it or not and if you had the attitude you carry in the words you have written above, she must have gotten the heck out of dodge asap.  Is it that she took to long, and the cancer you are describing possibly esophogeal (spelling not so great no coffee yet) or maybe larynx, or who knows but generally cancer in the throat is a death sentence from the get go.  I am sure this female is whole again now and much better off than living with that, I know I'd ask for the drops asap if I was diagnosed with that one.

Your theroy about "men" is really interesting, considering most females have done exactly the same thing, I think it's the nature/nurture issues you need to deal with.  People crisis for a miriad of valid reasons and relationships that require energy when you feel like **** 99% of the time are sometimes on the list of things that get put on the back burner.  we are not ozzie and sharon you know.

Have a great day, look up once or twice you might be surpirsed
Lanier

[geterdone]

As far as people on here who forget their compassion and objectivity…

I think it is called a good dose of reality in present time from what was said, tho it may have been harsh… this person has to face the fact that he will not be coming back and she is the only one that knows the reason why. When a man starts to bounce in a relationship as she has said he is un trusting of her feelings towards him and I’m sure the duration in which he has been exposed to these meds and in this relationship there have been many bumpy spots along the way. It is quite obvious to me that from the writings darcar enjoyed the control she had over him (mothering) while he was medicated but can not adjust to the changes now that he is coming out of the dark side because they who have not been there can not possibly understand what it is like to be coming back from a journey that has completely turned them up side down and inside out as told by the stories here on these threads.

The above story was not a derivative of a road less traveled but one of standing on the edge at a certain point and time during the past 39 weeks of these meds, that’s why it was posted immediately after the harsh words to darcar to maybe give her some insight as to what she is dealing with and the possibly he maybe walking in another direction.

Lanier, Yeah, there was a person I hated very much. Over the years this person came through two cancer surgeries, one they cracked open her chest and the other took part of her throat along with numerous mini strokes but the one that really **ssed me off the most was when they took out the right side of her skull to get to a brain aneurism at Johns Hopkins. Ya know the one where it is in between the underside of the two lobes of the brain. Yep, she laid there for five days in a coma before finally sub coming to a blood clot to the lungs. Yep, she really **ssed me off.

As for the rest BOO HOO!

jasper

[scratchinghead]

Sheez, I turn away for a minute you all get going at each other. sheez

:-[]