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Joke of the Day
The Cowboy!
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> A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
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> She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
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> Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
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> He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
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> Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
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> The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
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> One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
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> She quietly called him over to her.
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> 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
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> 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
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> 'Now take off my stockings.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
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> 'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
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> 'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
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> Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
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> I didn't see it coming, either!
>
>
>
> A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
>
> She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
>
> Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
>
> He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
>
> Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
>
> The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
>
> One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
>
> She quietly called him over to her.
>
> 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
>
> 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
>
> 'Now take off my stockings.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
>
> 'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
>
>
> 'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
>
> Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
>
>
>
> I didn't see it coming, either!
Andrew Dice Clay 1987 At Rodney Dangerfields
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWzI_Wn0ZwM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWzI_Wn0ZwM&feature=related
Either she like women too ,or,shes a blond,no offence big city women..he,he..of both?
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Infinities and Lexus’s in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Infinities and Lexus’s in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies
HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica .
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple'. The local newspaper
reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,'
explained the man. 'We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a
trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'
'We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the
horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the
poor animal like that, are you crazy?'
She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'
And from that moment ... we have lived happily every after.'
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica .
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple'. The local newspaper
reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,'
explained the man. 'We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a
trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'
'We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the
horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the
poor animal like that, are you crazy?'
She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'
And from that moment ... we have lived happily every after.'
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