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Dating and Disclosing
I just told my new boyfriend that I'm HCV+. He totally freaked out and gave me the boot. He's all paranoid thinking he's already getting sick and has whipped himself up into quite a froth over the whole thing. (And this from a medical professional!) Yes, I should have told him before we had sex the first time. But I didn't think I was deceiving or victimizing him, given my understanding about the risk of transmission being so low and the fact that we have been using condoms for all but the first couple of times. My question is this: When you are dating, when should you disclose your diagnosis? Do you have any experiences you can share? Any tips for dating with Hep-C are greatly appreciated. (P.S. I'm better off without him - his only concern was for himself.)
You're welcome- glad I could help- I know it's quite an awkward situation to say the least. You may not read this, since it's been a couple days- but if you do, I wish you the best of luck with finding Mr Right and in dealing with your Hep C. And remember, when you do find The One, everything will turn out just fine- and he won't run away when you tell him- cuz it's meant to be!
-Dee
-Dee
LMAO - Myown --- Uhm ok... Maybe you're perfectly correct - but LMAO ---- ah well - I just adore you!
Anyhow - sisterbabymama - you need to be upfront and honest.
If you're going to date someone - be honest.
If you're going to sleep with someone BE HONEST TO A FAULT.
If the person you're dating doesn't want to sleep with you after you tell them - then they didn't care enough to go through the research.
My hubby and I have had 12 wonderful years PLUS --- of unprotected sex --- in every imaginable way or situation - and he's not caught it.
So the risks are slim... BUT THEY ARE STILL THERE.
You have to give the person you're with the OPTION to choose.
You should have told.
And how you do it is up to you. Usually honesty - humor - educated information works the best.
Be open - be fair ---- and be careful.
Good Luck!
Meki
Anyhow - sisterbabymama - you need to be upfront and honest.
If you're going to date someone - be honest.
If you're going to sleep with someone BE HONEST TO A FAULT.
If the person you're dating doesn't want to sleep with you after you tell them - then they didn't care enough to go through the research.
My hubby and I have had 12 wonderful years PLUS --- of unprotected sex --- in every imaginable way or situation - and he's not caught it.
So the risks are slim... BUT THEY ARE STILL THERE.
You have to give the person you're with the OPTION to choose.
You should have told.
And how you do it is up to you. Usually honesty - humor - educated information works the best.
Be open - be fair ---- and be careful.
Good Luck!
Meki
It's very difficult to tell someone about being Hep C+- but it's better done sooner than later. I have not always been an honest person- I've done many wrong things in the name of ignorance, denial or just plain not caring. So I'm not gonna judge. I'm married now- hubby has Hep C to so it's pretty simple.
I guess I would use this as kind of a way to control the early sexual impulses and see who's worth your while. Obviously you must tell someone before you have sex, but you don't wanna just meet someone and blurt it out on your 1st date, especially someone from your town or mutual circle of friends who might really spread the word about your Hep C. So maybe go slow and spend time together letting the person get to know you- and why you're so much more than just "Hep C+". Get to know if this guy is trustworthy, as far as telling your secret to- if you don't trust him to keep his mouth shut about your confiding in him about Hep C, you sure as h=ll don't wanna have sex with him! I think this may weed out a lot of guys that would just be a waste of time, because you'll have to look beyond the usual superficial qualities to the deeper ones right away- is this someone you can be comfortable with and trust, and will he be a good friend and stick around when things aren't perfect?
That said, I would wait until you've spend enough time with the guy to know he has all the good qualities you need to trust him, and you know that he really likes you and sees you as a whole person- then pick a quiet time to tell him about Hep C and that you have it. Give him the facts, and try to keep upbeat about it rather than tragic and "I know you'll run for the door when I tell you this, but..". You know what I mean. Fact is, my gyno told me she doesn't reccomend condoms in a steady relationship when 1 person had Hep C- but the other person still has a right to know. Also, I would not wait SO long that the relationship has actually gotten serious to the point of discussing the future. In other words, if you meet a guy with old-fashioned values who is willing to wait awhile for sex, I wouldn't keep quiet about Hep C for so long that he starts talking about love, thinking you are just holding off on sex because you are shy or waiting for marriage. Don't let the not telling drag on forever, or the guy is likely to feel betrayed if you've told him EVERYTHING about you but that.
I'm sure you will meet someone great who is understanding about this. And you will feel good knowing you're being honest and doing the right thing.
Best of luck!
-Dee
I guess I would use this as kind of a way to control the early sexual impulses and see who's worth your while. Obviously you must tell someone before you have sex, but you don't wanna just meet someone and blurt it out on your 1st date, especially someone from your town or mutual circle of friends who might really spread the word about your Hep C. So maybe go slow and spend time together letting the person get to know you- and why you're so much more than just "Hep C+". Get to know if this guy is trustworthy, as far as telling your secret to- if you don't trust him to keep his mouth shut about your confiding in him about Hep C, you sure as h=ll don't wanna have sex with him! I think this may weed out a lot of guys that would just be a waste of time, because you'll have to look beyond the usual superficial qualities to the deeper ones right away- is this someone you can be comfortable with and trust, and will he be a good friend and stick around when things aren't perfect?
That said, I would wait until you've spend enough time with the guy to know he has all the good qualities you need to trust him, and you know that he really likes you and sees you as a whole person- then pick a quiet time to tell him about Hep C and that you have it. Give him the facts, and try to keep upbeat about it rather than tragic and "I know you'll run for the door when I tell you this, but..". You know what I mean. Fact is, my gyno told me she doesn't reccomend condoms in a steady relationship when 1 person had Hep C- but the other person still has a right to know. Also, I would not wait SO long that the relationship has actually gotten serious to the point of discussing the future. In other words, if you meet a guy with old-fashioned values who is willing to wait awhile for sex, I wouldn't keep quiet about Hep C for so long that he starts talking about love, thinking you are just holding off on sex because you are shy or waiting for marriage. Don't let the not telling drag on forever, or the guy is likely to feel betrayed if you've told him EVERYTHING about you but that.
I'm sure you will meet someone great who is understanding about this. And you will feel good knowing you're being honest and doing the right thing.
Best of luck!
-Dee
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