Dating and Disclosing

[sisterbabymama]

I just told my new boyfriend that I'm HCV+. He totally freaked out and gave me the boot. He's all paranoid thinking he's already getting sick and has whipped himself up into quite a froth over the whole thing. (And this from a medical professional!) Yes, I should have told him before we had sex the first time. But I didn't think I was deceiving or victimizing him, given my understanding about the risk of transmission being so low and the fact that we have been using condoms for all but the first couple of times. My question is this: When you are dating, when should you disclose your diagnosis? Do you have any experiences you can share? Any tips for dating with Hep-C are greatly appreciated. (P.S. I'm better off without him - his only concern was for himself.)

[nygirl7]

But it wasn't really his call to ask - you should have TOLD as YOU are the one WITH the disease.  It's just the better way to be. Until you treat and get SVR for sure....and maybe even after that.

I intend to tell whomever that I had it, treated it, killed it and am safe.  Unless I relapse and then I'll do the right thing anyway.  I don't want to be responsible for givng this to anyone else. It's called the SILENT KILLER for a reason, you know?

[sisterbabymama]

Thanks for writing. I acknowledged in my original post that I should have told him before the first time. I'm sure the fact that I didn't give him the choice is what bothers him most. But he and I are both old enough to know better and to practice safer sex.  If he cared all that much about his health, he could have been more responsible, too. (It takes two to tango.)   I'm not asking for absolution, just advice about how and when to broach this subject when dating. I was about to write you anyway to ask about "SAFERRRR" sex - not familiar with this term - what's with the extra R's?

[jmjm530]

And thanks for the pre-emptive strike against the obligatory "the guys a ****, dump him" posts on what appears to be a heavily weighted female discussion group. Trust me, there ARE two sides to the story in male-female relationships :)

-- Jim

[Myown]

He had a choice, too. He didn't use a condom and didn't ask. We both were irresponsible
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sorry but I never bought into that thriving fallacy,"No Fault Sex Insurance by Allstate."

The person that is sick, should disclose that information and you have a sickness as do most of us on this forum. Maybe if you go through tx someday and all the appointments, aggravation, possiblity of NEVER clearing the virus - maybe then you will understand that if there is even a 1% chance of contracting the virus - you will see why that information is important to disclose.

To compare yourself to him "he didn't ask," is very irresponsible. If I contracted TB from a waiter at a restaurant handling my food, should the Manager say, 'well you never asked if the waiter had TB?"

[jmjm530]

NY: I intend to tell whomever that I had it, treated it, killed it and am safe
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Isn't that somewhat redundant :) If you've "treated it, killed it and (are) safe" then why feel obligated to tell? I do think SVR affords many of us the responsible privacy we may want, as do condoms if we're not SVR. Of course, in a serious relationship, you'd probably want to share something like this. Or maybe some wouldn't.

Be well,

-- Jim

[jmjm530]

Just as a side note -- after going through 54 weeks of treatment, I've become a big condom fan -- not for the other person's sake, but for mine :) Lots of stuff you can catch out there other than Hep C, and I've had my fill of infectious diseases for quite awhile. So, unless I'm in a monagamous relationship and someone can show me a complete STD panel, it's raincoat in the shower!

-- Jim