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317787 tn?1473358451

Help?

Hi, I have not been here much lately, for that I apologize.  After a summer of pain, paralyzed leg, I had surgery the last day of Aug 2015.  I had same surgery Dec 24th 2013
Three weeks after my latest surgery. I thought my husband was having a heart a attack.  I called 911 and it was determined it was not his heart,  he presented with back pain, stomach pain and chest pain.
His gall bladder was about to burst, he had to have two operations to have his gall bladder and then stones removed.
It was very difficult for me.  I was not supposed to lift anything yet the nurses expected me to help him sit up, he weighted 270.  I kept saying I could not do it.  After 2 days he still could not move anything, they wanted to cischarge him.  I broke down in tears, said I would not take him home, he could not move he needed some type of Physical Therapy, something help me! They got a supervisor, she agreed that they had to stop asking me to lift him, he needed PT could not be discharged in his state, he was kept 5 days.
Since I have tried to improve.  I have had pain, been seen by surgeon and he said I would be fine.
A month ago my husband hurt his back.  I have done everything for us for 4 weeks, to say I am stressed out would be a huge understatement.

I guess for some reason I need someone to know I have been under tremendous stress so maybe that is why I am losing it now.  I have held my family together for oer 20 years, always the dependable one.

Well....now someone has said when I say nice things to people I am a fake, or it sounds fake of I sound insincere.
To the people who "know" me on here.  Have you ever felt I was phonY?...insincere?  Except for Liz 1 two and 3 who once called me Nutrasweet I would like to know.

Cando? Eudora? Don'tworrybehappy? Pooh? Hector?  Deb? Ruth? Karen?  Eyes of Blue? Creed?  God there are so many of you I just cant right now, list all of you.  I hope this post is allowed.  I am ugly crying, everyone should know or recognize ugly crying, I'm feeling like the last 8 years being on here has not been real, I could really use some honest opinions.
I'm not asking for compliments, I am looking for validation.  I have no one else to ask.
Bless you all in advance
Love
Dee
15 Responses
683231 tn?1467323017
Hi Dee

Love you Dee and sending you a huge hug. I wish I could do more or say more I hope this helps

Wishing you all my best hang in there
Lynn
317787 tn?1473358451
Dear Lynn, your words brought me to tears though truth be told I have been on the edge of tears al day long

I cam back to jokingly say yes I had HCV, I treated twice and am now cured for 4 years.  I guess I just needed validation yesterday.

I am the daughter of an alcoholic and as much as we want to think that these things don't affect children, they do.  They run from person to person asking what is wrong, we tell them nothing.  They know something is wrong, after a while they just doubt every feeling emotion they ever had and look to others for how to think and feel.  I can't ell you how many times I was told, you are not cold, you are not hungry, you are not afraid. read...you are not important.  After 18 years of that and the coup de grace, being kicked out because your parents do not like their creation...
Thank you Lynn, you are a good friend, I love you, I love everyone on here
Bless you all
2059648 tn?1439766665
Dee!!!   You are who you are.   You are a kind, genuine
person and are even when people are less than you.
I'm so sorry you are having such as hard time.  Seems like we are never ready for the surprise of health issues.
What I don't get is why you didn't get in home care assistance for your husband.  If you don't ask they just let you go off on your own.   Like the wife become a automatic  nurse.   Many insurance companies pay for help when needed at home.....But you have to ask for help....you can always do everything.  AND that's ok.  Everything may not get taken care of.   You may not be the kind wonderful person you are all the time.   It's ok!!
FYI: You are a special here and I'm sure many people in your life know it.

Hang in there and feel free to vent in private message to me.  I'm a very good listener and friend.
2 Comments
You can tell a great deal about someone by the way they write.  If people don't like what I project on this forum then they don't possessed that insight of knowing that I blunt, kind, read a lot, jack of many trades and do very much care about people.
Dee people know who you are....you are worth knowing for many reasons.

You care and that makes you very special.
Thank you, I did scream and yell when they wanted to discharge him after 2 days.  I told them he was not being discharged with out help.  He did get help for 3 more days.  I appreciate you writing.  It was a bad day.  I told someone I loved and was proud of them and they said I was fake and phoney.  Strangers are kinder than my own family.  My family would say, you don't know her.  She is ok at first but you will grow to hate her. le sigh
6708370 tn?1471490210
Hi Dee

I haven't been on the site much lately but I wanted to just say that I really feel for you - all that you are going through, wow!

Thank you for providing support to others including me! and let me know if I can do anything to help. You can PM if you like

Remember to take care of yourself too

Wishing better days with way less stress for you and that your husband gets better soon

~ Linda
2 Comments
Linda Bless you so much!! I am better.  I think instead of me needed to get help.  I think I need to drop these negative people.  I hear that in AA it is called distance with love.  You can love someone but you do it at a distance to protect your heart.
Thank you so very much!!  This part of the forum is nice, that I can thank people individually.  
I was just talking to my best friend who I have known forever. She is now in India... She mentioned that people we meet often leave a part of them with us, those of us that are sensitive as you are Dee...

Often times they not only leave positive but negative parts on one. It makes sense what you say about "distance with love" as we have to shake off all these burdens we have carried over the decades.

I don't know why you would ever even doubt yourself or your genuineness! It comes thru in buckets so put that thought away! It may be easier said than done but do follow the AA rule and distance yourself with love, cleanse yourself with white light and get the help that you need for yourself and your husband. Look for the hospital social worker if you haven't yet and use all the resources you are so good at.
Avatar universal
Wow!  Through ALL you have been going through, you have still had the strength and kindness and love to reach out to those of us here who have needed a friend.  Those people who as thinking you are anything other than what you are - well they must have personal issues not to see that, yes, there are people who are that strong, that courageous, that sensitive to others, even, yes, that AWESOME, to be able to handle all you have.  

I am so sorry that you do not have a support system where you are who could step in and help you, support you, even just hold you when you need to cry.  like everyone else, I send BIG virtual hugs, a virtual cup of hot tea with honey, and my prayers.  I pray not only for your healing and that of your husband, but for your strength, love and support.

Don't mean to get sappy, here, but, Goodness, Girl, even Superwoman or Wonder Woman had their limits, and they were fictional!

Please feel all our love, and our support.  If talking would help, PM me and I'll send you my phone number.  You have helped me so much in the past year and a half, let me help back by listening.

Pat
1 Comments
AWW patra, thank you so much.  I feel bad I have not been here and then I come back and whine.  I'm better.  It was the sign of a desperate woman for me to write here for help.  I mean that is not what I do, how I roll LOL
I'm supposed to help others :)
Much love to all
1856494 tn?1340542614
I admire you.
Avatar universal
Well, one of the blessings of this community and we CAN come here and vent - and be ourselves, fears, anxieties, pain, warts and all and know that someone will probably have been through it or something similar  -  and even if no one has, at least they can empathize, and sympathize.

So glad you are feeling better.

Blessings,

Pat
Avatar universal
You are NOT a fake. I see you as being very caring, very sincere. Right now, you're very overwhelmed, stressed, like you said-feeling like losing it(as would anybody else) and you're allowed to be feeling like (sad, in need of a friend, ultrasensitive to everything, etc., etc.)  But, a fake, NOT. Who said that anyhow, ??  They need  to be banned.  (((  HUGS, DEE  )))   Susan400
163305 tn?1333668571
    Oh my goodness Dee, I think of you as sweetness and light ! Not phony at all. You've has a rough time of it, that's for sure.
Look within, you know you are a good person ! Don't listen to people who do not have good intentions.
I am so very sorry your parents are in such inner pain that they pass it on to others. Shame on them.
It can't be easy but you have always been so sweet and good on this forum, sometimes amazing me with your patience and kindness even when others are not.
I am sending you huge hugs from across the country. Whenever I'm back in that area I hope to give them to you, someday, in person.
Wishing you heaps of loving kindness.
OH
444337 tn?1428073510
In my eight years in the Community, I've seen nothing but compassion and support from you to all of us.

Fake, insincere...phony...none of those words come to mind when I read a post from you. That's ludicrous. You know in your heart the type of person that you are. Whoever said that can't begin to know you.

Hope things turn the corner for you and your husband.

Take care,

Marc
Avatar universal
Oh Dee!  I haven't been on here in quite a while. I logged on just now and read your post. I want to send you hugs and good energy and thank you for your love and support for me over the last number of years.  It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what was best for your husband and you in the hospital setting. I think it shows you're strong and brave and compassionate...all the traits I remember thinking of you when you were supporting me and the rest of us old timers. Take care, my friend.
Avatar universal
Dee.   You are one of the most genuine person that I have had the opportunity to engage with.   Having been on Medhelp for over 2 years has without a doubt led me to this conclusion.
I'm so sorry that certain people have been judgement pal without recourse.
You are an amazing women and I am honored to call you my friend.
Big hugs
.......Kim
1 Comments
Hey Dee...Thinking of you.  Wondering how you are doing and send you love and support.
Let us know how you are.
317787 tn?1473358451
Hi I just found this, I have not been here in a while, just really overwhelmed.  I'm embarrassed now that I wrote the above.  Sorry about that, I was really upset.
Thank you to everyone who responded.
Much Love to all
Dee
766573 tn?1365166466

Oh wow Dee I am so sorry this happened!
I can't quite remember how old your hubby is but having a spouse that has major medical problems I learned how to verify his insurance and supplemental and see what all he is covered for. There is almost always some kind of patient advocacy department in a hospital or clinic and it helps to contact them when you are in a standoff like that and are unsure what you rights are.

I realize it's too late for that now however as we age it helps to know what systems if any are in place based on the resources we have.

_______________________________
One last thing is you might want to see if there is an online forum for whatever your hubby's diagnosis is. It might be a good place to look for resources if you don't know where to start.

I joined a forum for my spouse's medical condition and while there is great info there is not as much support as there is (or was) on here when we all treated.

♥♥♥
1 Comments
Hey there lady, thanks so much! It's funny, all these years I have taken care of every medical problem my hubby has had.  Three weeks after finishing tx, I had not driven in 3 months, he was hospitalized for not being able to breath, then a year later they said a blockage but now I know it was his gall bladder which was taken out last September.  Now I am 40 years into our relationship and am tired of all the medical.  So...I am making him make choices and he seems to be doing well.  Thank God! While he is not doing it as fast as I would, he is doing it.
After the gallbladder was removed we found out he had COPD.  So we are getting a CT scan and going to the pulmonary part of the hospital next week, they are going to help him.
Thanks again, Dee
766573 tn?1365166466
Gah my entire response was removed because I wasn't logged in.  I have very fond memories of this site and the names you outlined and more. I learned out to read labs and do research which has helped me so much as I too am a caretaker for a loved one.
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