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In The Spirit Of Laughter
Sex at age 90, is like trying to shoot pool with a rope ... George Burns
Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I’m possible ... Audrey Hepburn
Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning blood sucking creatures ... Robin Williams
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them ... Rodney Dangerfield
Some cause happiness wherever they go, some whenever they go ... Oscar Wilde
I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception ... Groucho Marx
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all impersonators would be dead ... Johnny Carson
I’m a great housekeeper. I get divorced, I keep the house ... Zsa Zsa Gabor
I don’t exercise. If God would have wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor ... Joan Rivers
When I’m good I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better ... Mae West
and finally, and unbelievably ....
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff ... Mariah Carey
Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I’m possible ... Audrey Hepburn
Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning blood sucking creatures ... Robin Williams
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them ... Rodney Dangerfield
Some cause happiness wherever they go, some whenever they go ... Oscar Wilde
I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception ... Groucho Marx
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all impersonators would be dead ... Johnny Carson
I’m a great housekeeper. I get divorced, I keep the house ... Zsa Zsa Gabor
I don’t exercise. If God would have wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor ... Joan Rivers
When I’m good I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better ... Mae West
and finally, and unbelievably ....
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff ... Mariah Carey
You put something in here for everyone. The Joan River one I thought was really funny. Loved the George Washington I.D.
Let's not stop now...
- He who has, so has he who - unknown
- It's a proven fact that only 5% of American husbands kiss their wives good-bye when they leave their home, but 95% kiss their homes good-bye when they leave their wives - unknown
- Last week a beautiful woman kept pounding on my hotel door for an hour.
I finally got up, unlocked the door and let her out - unknown
- I get to go overseas places, like Canada - Britney Spears
- Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life - Brooke Shields
- I believe more people would be alive today if there were a death penalty - Nancy Reagan
- When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter - Stephen Wright
- I have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking when she was 60. Today she’s 97 and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeners
- Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe Contest
- Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out - unknown
- I’m not as think as you drunk I am - unknown
- Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents - unknown
- The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. Now, the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius - unknown
- Careful, the light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train - unknown
- A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn’t pee on his hands - unknown
- Remember ‘i’ before ‘e’ except in Budweiser - unknown
- He who has, so has he who - unknown
- It's a proven fact that only 5% of American husbands kiss their wives good-bye when they leave their home, but 95% kiss their homes good-bye when they leave their wives - unknown
- Last week a beautiful woman kept pounding on my hotel door for an hour.
I finally got up, unlocked the door and let her out - unknown
- I get to go overseas places, like Canada - Britney Spears
- Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life - Brooke Shields
- I believe more people would be alive today if there were a death penalty - Nancy Reagan
- When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter - Stephen Wright
- I have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking when she was 60. Today she’s 97 and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeners
- Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe Contest
- Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out - unknown
- I’m not as think as you drunk I am - unknown
- Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents - unknown
- The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. Now, the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius - unknown
- Careful, the light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train - unknown
- A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn’t pee on his hands - unknown
- Remember ‘i’ before ‘e’ except in Budweiser - unknown
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Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
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