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Joke of the day!
It has been a while but thought maybe this would help brighten some peoples day.
We had a few friends over the other evening and a woman asked me what my wife's favorite flower was............................................I turned to my wife and asked.........it's Gold Medal all purpose, right honey?
The doctor said my eye will heal but I may lose some vision!
We had a few friends over the other evening and a woman asked me what my wife's favorite flower was............................................I turned to my wife and asked.........it's Gold Medal all purpose, right honey?
The doctor said my eye will heal but I may lose some vision!
What the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods ? Santa stops at three ho's !
Great Ones Keep em coming. Laughter is the best medicine! I know it helped me when i was treating, even if only for a brief moment!
A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Myers Florida . She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. 'Hello, sir, how are you today?
'Fine, thank you,' he responded, and turned back to his book.
'I love the beach. Do you come here often?' she asked 'First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,' he replied and turned back to his book.
'I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely' she countered. Do you live around here?' she asked.
'Yes, I live over in Cape Coral , 'he answered' and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, 'Do you like pus.sy cats?
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, 'How did you know that was what I wanted?'
The man replied, 'How did you know my name was Katz?' ; )
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. 'Hello, sir, how are you today?
'Fine, thank you,' he responded, and turned back to his book.
'I love the beach. Do you come here often?' she asked 'First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,' he replied and turned back to his book.
'I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely' she countered. Do you live around here?' she asked.
'Yes, I live over in Cape Coral , 'he answered' and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, 'Do you like pus.sy cats?
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, 'How did you know that was what I wanted?'
The man replied, 'How did you know my name was Katz?' ; )
An woman of some years returned to her small home town after a 40 year absence and settles in.
A few weeks later, she makes an appointment with the local dentist, who gets her in to see him the next day.
As she approaches the chair she's a bit unnerved to see a rather decrepit looking and stooped elderly gent standing by the chair with a white coat on, hanging on to the overhead lamp for support. Actually he looks like death warmed over.
During the small talk as she settles into the chair, the woman asks the dentist if he was from around there.
Oh yes, he said, born and raised here, only left to go to dental school. You?
Why yes, I grew up here too. You do look a bit familiar; what year did you finish high school?
Oh, I finished in 1962, the dentist said.
My goodness, the woman says, I was there then too!
Oh really? says the dentist. What did you teach?
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.. The waiter came and took their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
The third piggy says -
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
The third piggy says -
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River
Bridge in Georgia one day.
As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' to
jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said,
'Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father.'
He replied, 'Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump.'
She said, 'Well, think of your wife and children.'
He replied, 'I'm not married and I don't have any kids.'
She said, 'Well, think of Robert E. Lee.'
He replied, ''Who the Hell is Robert E. Lee?''
The very gentle Southern lady replied,
''Well bless your heart. You just go ahead and jump,
you dumb-*** Yankee.'
Bridge in Georgia one day.
As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' to
jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said,
'Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father.'
He replied, 'Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump.'
She said, 'Well, think of your wife and children.'
He replied, 'I'm not married and I don't have any kids.'
She said, 'Well, think of Robert E. Lee.'
He replied, ''Who the Hell is Robert E. Lee?''
The very gentle Southern lady replied,
''Well bless your heart. You just go ahead and jump,
you dumb-*** Yankee.'
A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad
home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into
town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town
with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting
from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where
all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a
message for Dad.."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that,"
he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500
for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he
gets for Howard."
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad
home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into
town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town
with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting
from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where
all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a
message for Dad.."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that,"
he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500
for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he
gets for Howard."
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