Letting Go

[sfbaygirl]

Some of you know my special friend who helped me raise my kids, a neighbor, never a lover is dying.  Although I have been really ill this year, when he found out he had stage 4 stomach cancer, I took him to every appt. Sometimes, my asst. had to drive us.  He is now in hospice at his apt. I gave him his epo shots and fed him. He stayed here at my house a lot. He was a stubborn guy who always wanted to go home. He loves to cook and garden. He messed up my garden a lot!  lol.. But I love him anyway. For thirty years we have been friends. Sorta mismatches as he is black and me white. When he used to take my daughter on the bus, people really gave him the looks... (g)  I have seen him wither over the months, but never wanted to let go.  someone told me the other day that it was selfish to hold on to him. I needed to tell him I could let go. That it was okay to go.  You know I am crying as I write this, but I did tell him it was okay to go. He counted on me so much for everything that I needed to tell him it was okay.  I will miss him so much and wish I had the energy to be with him more. His children he resented but they are now caring for him. I am glad they get to have the closure with him. I know it is going to be soon.  I just want to say how important it is to let go if you have to. I surely want to go and make him get up and run around like we used to.  sad can't even explain what I am going through.  I love this man so much, and am glad I told him it was okay to go......

linda

[wyntre9]

That is heartbreaking, for him, his kids, your kids, you.......

I'm very sorry to hear the news, Linda.  All my good wishes for you and your wonderful friend.

wyntre

[ladywhy]

Today I have shed many tears...not necessarily of sorrow..but I just shed a few more. What a mutual gift your friendship has been to one another...what a blessing....
The day my Dad passed away at home, my Mom told him it was ok....it was ok to go...that the suffering would be over. He did just that a very short while later that day. I had the honor of being his primary caregiver. I am much like him...and our relationship was one of rebellion, stubbornness and unforgivness. Our horns awways locked. By God's grace, the last 6mos. of his life was one of healing,, forgiveness and a pouring out of love that was not of me, but God. I miss him right now.
Your friend is very fortunate to have you, Linda...and I am sorry to know that you are in pain.
Sincerely,
Yvonne

[sfbaygirl]

Thanks so much for your kind words. I told him I loved him and no matter what he would always be with me.  Although he is in that state of sleeping most of the time now, he heard me and told me that he loved me too. God, this is so hard.  I needed to tell him it was okay, because I think that if I hadn't he would not have let go. He knew I needed him and didn't want him to die. This is so hard.  thanks for being here for me , it means a lot.

linda

[GrandmaA]

You are such a good friend. I'm sure he appreciated you very, very much. We are all terminal. Only God knows when that day will come for each of us.

Speaking of letting go: my younger son (almost 32) and his wife and toddler are moving to China on Sat. He said he will sent me an airline ticket so I can visit them there. He said her province is really beautiful.  

[sfbaygirl]

Thanks, we are great friends.  My younger son moved in the summer to Portland (might as well be China!) and took my grandbabies.  It is really hard,  not so far, but sure seems so.  Wow,  China would be a great place to visit!  You deserve a break.  I would love to go to China.  Hope you take him up on the offer!

[IAmTheWalrus]

I hope the courage and compassion you show comes back to you every day!

Brent

[IAmTheWalrus]

I hope the courage and compassion you show comes back to you every day!

Brent

[sfbaygirl]

coo coo cha coo.  I thank you for that statement. It made me smile. I need more smiles as I am sure everyone here does. Again, thanks!

Hugs,
Linda

[Trish77]

Linda, I read something a little while ago that helped me put alot of things in perspective...  

"Life is a balance of knowing when to hold on and when to let go."  

That made me assess what things I was holding on to that I shouldn't be and what things I really needed to hang onto tighter.  It was really hard to let go of some things but absolutely necessary.  I can't imagine how hard it is to let go of someone so incredibly close to your heart and that takes great love, courage and strength.  Can't imagine how painful this must be for you and I wish you all the courage, strength and peace that you and your friend need to get through this.   I am very glad for you that you've had this great love in your life.  You can't love without risking pain and I feel for you at this bittersweet time in your life.  Thinking of you.

Trish

[dperry10]

I am so sorry for you and your friend.  I know what you are going thru.   I lost my closest childhood friend to Cancer, when she was 34.   I had to do the same thing.. She had an 8 yr son and 11 year old daughter, and a loving husband.   It was very hard to see her wither away.  But she went to a better place free of pain.    I am sorry you have to go thru all this, when you are going thru so much yourself.   Peace be with you and yours.  He knows you love him and will miss him..  But he will always be with you.  

Dana

[mikesimon]

I am so sorry Linda. But, in a way I envy you too. To have such a deep friendship speaks volumes about you and your friend. You two are blessed. Mike

[beamishboy]

sad news indeed,but may i suggest that you shared great times with a wonderful friend&neighbor..'better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'...peace&strength....

[GrandmaA]

I have never bonded with my granddaughter as they took her to China when she was 6 mos. old and didn't come back until 6 weeks ago. They limited my access to her because of the hep. C. Then I got all this information from the doctor about how you cannot get it casually and gave it to them.  It is for the best because my younger son criticizes me for everything, especially the past but he won't do it from overseas, phone calls cost too much. He has to count his blessings. I have my grandsons down south and I just saw them for Christmas. I will go back down there in Feb. for one birthday and in June for the other one. My older son reimburses me for half the airfare. He's very generous.

I'm really sorry for your friend. But his pain will be over soon.

[merlino]

I am so sorry for your friend and for you. When my children's father was dying I told them the same thing. Tell him its Ok to go that you both will be fine. It was so hard for them to do but they knew he would be released from his suffering. I truly believe we our time comes we need to know our loved ones will be ok. You will be blessed for helping him! I was finished with tx when things were very bad for my ex-husband and I could barely handle things. You are amazing for what you did for him while being so sick yourself.You were a TRUE friend.

[Anonymous225]

Everyone should have a friend like you....

[frijole]

Linda, that was beautiful.  A tribute to a remarkable friendship.  I smile when I read about your friend taking your daughter on the bus. I'll bet there were lots of "looks."  I am so glad he had you there for him and I know he was there for you too.  The last days are the hardest, to be sure.  I like the Buddist concept of meditating for someone who dies for three days to help guide him on his journey.
Kathy

[Myown]

I remember you telling me about him. I'm so sorry to hear this. Its so hard when you have a very close friendship and this happens. You're friendship was like a marriage - though only friends - "till death do us part."

Sorry to hear this Linda, but I am glad that you had him there for you and you for him.

[sfbaygirl]

everyone. Your words have me crying again. I can't see well to post when my eyes are swollen!  I have so many great memories to carry me on, so do my children. They all came to see him, one from Portland.  It is hard to see him like this as we remember him always doing something. He was happiest when he was cooking or pulling weeds and flowers! lol  But I am grateful to have had all those years of his friendship.  

Another great friend of mine died of liver cancer 6 years ago.  He had Hep C. I still think of him all the time and the wonderful times we had. We may lose someone, but we will always have our memories.

[orphanedhawk]

I’m sorry to hear of your loss.
I hope you can find comfort knowing you were able to assist a close friend when they were in need.   And you gave a great gift, from your heart.             oceans of hugs,   OH

[nygirl7]

SFBG I am so sorry for your loss.  I'm usually not at a loss for words but the heartache you are feeling is so evident that it's overwhelming to try and say anything.

He was as blessed as a man can be to have you for a friend.  I pray that God's given him a beautiful garden up in heaven.

Maybe you can do something like plant a tree in a park in his honor or something?

God bless we will all be thinking of you during this time of sorrow.

[sfbaygirl]

the words you say. So trueI am feeling overwhelmed, it's hard to talk about this.  great idea about planting a tree...I may do so in my yard. My friend that died from Hep C, I have a song from Tom Petty that reminds me.  

I really think I need to get off of these Fibro drugs. I can't function very well. I think I am going to stop. I feel good now...

Thanks for your thoughts, OH and NY and all....Hugs to all!
Linda

[Deb_c430]

What a wonderful gift you gave him.  My profound sorrow for you and all that held him dear. My prayers are with you.

[Forseegood]

so sorry to read about this, I have lost some special people in the last few years as well...really got me into these "letting go" meditations with full force, one of the only things that keeps me okay...best to you in your time of need....

[CIRQDUSOLIEL]

I'm so sorry to hear of this......I can't even imagine what your heart feels even now.  I will keep you close to my heart though and in my prayers for you both.  Know that you're loved...............

In Him,
Rick