Aa
Somebody tell a joke
I feel itchy, cranky and the last thing I want to do tonight is take another handful of pills. Please share something that gave you a laugh.
Thank you so much for this thread, it is so funny, I came back to read it again and found some new ones.
Thanks for the laughs, as I near the end of tx I find I really need it :)
Thanks for the laughs, as I near the end of tx I find I really need it :)
Old Butch
His owner, John, was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten
roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them
to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which
rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by
just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters
coming, would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County
Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No-Bell Piece
Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards
on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting
populace and screwing the majority of them when they weren't paying
attention.
His owner, John, was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten
roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them
to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which
rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by
just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters
coming, would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County
Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No-Bell Piece
Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards
on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting
populace and screwing the majority of them when they weren't paying
attention.
A blonde gets off a plane in Des Moines, rents a car, and drives to Kansas City. Passing corn stubble fields, she notices a blonde in a rowboat, in the middle of a field, rowing away.So she gets out of the car, yells at the Blonde in the rowboat and says, " You stupid Blonde! It's blondes like you that give us a bad name, and if I could swim, I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR #$%$"
A sweet grandmother telephoned St.. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly
asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient
is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and
... room number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay,
Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with
the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I
have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well.
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and
her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you.
That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells
me sh#t."
asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient
is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and
... room number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay,
Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with
the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I
have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well.
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and
her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you.
That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells
me sh#t."
WEATHER BUREAU IN THE" NORTHEAST U.S." & " ENVIRONMENT CANADA" ISSUES TRAVEL WARNING DUE TO COLD WEATHER!
They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:
Shovel
Blanket & Sleeping bag
Extra Clothing including Hat and Gloves
24 Hrs. Worth of Food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight
Road flares
Empty Gas Can
First Aid Kit
Booster Cables
I felt like such an IDIOT on the bus this morning
They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:
Shovel
Blanket & Sleeping bag
Extra Clothing including Hat and Gloves
24 Hrs. Worth of Food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight
Road flares
Empty Gas Can
First Aid Kit
Booster Cables
I felt like such an IDIOT on the bus this morning
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