Supporting your loved ones through treatment

[nannyleenie]

Hi I am new to this forum. I am the wife of a man who is afflicted with HIV and Hep C.Right now he is undergoing Interfuron treatment ( 1 shot a week for 72  weeks) While under the treatment this man who is generally very kind patient and loving has become verbally abusive, very short tempered and depressed ( which I know is a side effect of the treatment) I would like some input on how to deal with this without taking it personaly At times I feel like just walking out on him ( not for good)  I love him very much and we have been through a lot together.This is the second time that he has done the treatment and we sirvived the first time. This time is longer and a stronger dose. I have known of people that have separated over this. I plan to stick it out and am just looking for others that are helping their loved ones through a treatment of any kind with similar difficulties for the caretaker
All input will be appreciated
God bless you

[nannyleenie]

Dear Romans 828

I pray that your husband as well as yourself are hanging in there You are blessed because you know Jesus and he is always there to support you and remind you of all the pain that he went through just because he loves you.
My husband has been in a lot of discomfort and it is really tough for me to watch this man who was always happy go lucky and full of joy and humor just sit there quitly not saying much of anything. He has been experiences a lot of discomfot in his feet and is up a big part of the night just dealing with the tingling.  I feel very helpless as I am a person that thinks I can fix anything and anybody lo. I can only give it over to God and let him do his miracle. In my prayers I always thank God for the good results that will come out of this treatment. It is Friday and just as he starts feeling a little better it is time for the Shot
I pray that someday we can  thank our Good Lord Jesus for the Victory for all of us going through these tough time
May God bless you and Keep you strong
Helene

[moahunter]

On the flip side, I feel now like I said and did a lot of things on treatment, that I regret. The problem is, that when you are being treated, little irritations that we all accept day to day as a compromise of being with a partner, are suddenly big issues. Frustrations that already lie under the surface, are sudenly brought to the surface, often in a nasty and inoportune way. The only thing that really made a difference for me during treatment, was to ensure I got plenty of sleep (a sleeping pill helped, although towards the end, I think it contributed to exhausting me). I feel I have quite a bit of relationship repairing to do, I can understand why a lot of breakup's occur as a result of treatment, and I don't think there are any easy answers with respect to how to mitigate that risk.

[romans828]

Totally understand.  Let me introduce myself.  I'm romans828.  Just joined this forum a little while ago too.  My husband and I have been diagnosed hep c genotype 3a.  I understand we're lucky.  Only 6 months of treatment.  He decided to go first. My husband is the love of my life and we are totally committed to the Lord and each other.  There have been times during tx that I've wanted to kill him.  (I'm a hunter, so I have the tools to do so...Don't worry, just kidding, wouldn't even consider such a thing!)  But, I've learned that this whole trial can be a good learning thing for me.  I've learned how to take out my frustration on gym equipment!  At first when he got "testy" I was at my wits end.  However, I found this site!  Thank you Lord!  This site has been a lifesaver for me!  If I'm not commenting or asking questions, and asking questions and asking questions....I'm browsing.  Looking for any kind of answer to hang on to.  Made a friend or two along the way, too, and learned from people with GREAT wisdom here.  Best advice I've been given?  Remember, this is the medication talking not HIM.  Remember remember remember that!  After time it DOES get better.  You said you've gone through this before, you CAN do it again.  Remember the man you fell in love with.  He's still there.  You don't need to be a doormat, realize your strengths and accept your weakness.  When you feel pushed to the "I'm outta here" point, do something.  Take a brisk walk...join a gym (this is what I did) work the frustration out (and feel better about yourself when you see the results!) and then go home and remember, it's the medication.  And, nanny, if you ever need to vent, feel free to vent here.  We're here for you.  You can do this, and so can he!  It does get bad before it gets better, but it DOES get better.  The dragon can be killed!  Praying for you.

[FlGuy]

My belief is that if it's his disease and his treatment that he is the primary caretaker.  In my case, my spouse was invaluable for support - but it was primarily my deal to deal with.  Anyone on tx should know when they become unbearble to people around them, unless they are really obtuse.  Similarly, the people around need to recognize when it's time to give and get some space.  To preserve some domestic tranquility have a discussion about about, even to the extent of finding a place to get out of the line line of fire for a few hours; movie, library, local bar etc.  Spouses and significant others are susceptible to treatment and need to have a plan to deal with it too.

[eureka254]

I'm sorry to hear about you and your husband's difficulties, and I commend you for being strong -- hang in there!  

I certainly don't know the particulars of your situation, but if it helps at all, remind yourself of what you and your husband are fighting for:  not just to get rid of HCV, but for your husband's quality of life (and hopefully, with treatment, a long healthy one) -- you do NOT want this virus to have an opportunity to progress to liver cirrhosis and failure, or to cancer like it did to my husband.  I know sometimes it feels hopeless when you look and don't recognize the husband you knew, but realize that these hard times can change you, too -- but together, you CAN get through it -- don't let it make you bitter.  Let it make you patient and strong.  Have faith that you can do it -- your husband must love you very much and have a lot of faith in you, too, to take on a 72-week course into the unknown.

I haven't taken your journey yet, but I may be following your footsteps soon.  My husband has HCV too, but he's not yet started interferon treatment (still waiting to hear if he even can) -- he's needed treatment and caregiving for his HCV-caused cancer first -- but there are a number of spouses/caregivers here in your situation.  There are many people here with great wisdom and support, and you should feel welcome on this forum.

Sending you and your husband good thought and prayers.
~eureka

[meki]

Check with child24angel and Romans...

They have been GREAT providers!