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Depression after EOT - End of Treatment
I'm sorry I haven't been here or posting much and I'm sorry because it feels like I've abandoned everybody and it's the last thing I want to do. I try and read and try and post...it doesn't get very far though. Not even that one political thread and I really had things I wanted to say to that.....lol
I've not been doing well. I made it all the way through treatment with no depression and no meds other than the ones to deal with the wild mood swings. And now that I've done treatment, I've sunk into this deep dark depression. I've been quietly trying to battle it and I'm not doing well. It's completely irrational. It isn't because I got pulled off treatment early, that's not what I'm focused on. It's doing the switchover back to life. It's just the futility of life and effort, for some reason. I can't even imagine me being in this kind of place mentally, a person who has fought hard her whole life with a "never say die" attitude. And yet here I am.
The doctor wants me on AD's and I'm just having a hard time with that. He's trying to tell me this is a chemical imbalance caused by coming off the meds and he's telling me that I'll need to be on them for six to nine months. I'm just having a hard time with that concept. That I have to have meds to help me think well again. I've always been able to dig deep and pull it around and I'll hit a day or portion of a day where I think I'm finally pulling out of this and down I go again. In the meantime, I keep working and going through the motions but ... I'm not really here, you know? Not doing so good right *now*....AFTER treatment. Go figure. I'm fighting really hard right now .. just not doing well.
I don't know what else to say. Anyone else go through similar after treatment or after having to stop treatment prematurely? Is this a result of coming off the treatment drugs or .. what?
Trish
I've not been doing well. I made it all the way through treatment with no depression and no meds other than the ones to deal with the wild mood swings. And now that I've done treatment, I've sunk into this deep dark depression. I've been quietly trying to battle it and I'm not doing well. It's completely irrational. It isn't because I got pulled off treatment early, that's not what I'm focused on. It's doing the switchover back to life. It's just the futility of life and effort, for some reason. I can't even imagine me being in this kind of place mentally, a person who has fought hard her whole life with a "never say die" attitude. And yet here I am.
The doctor wants me on AD's and I'm just having a hard time with that. He's trying to tell me this is a chemical imbalance caused by coming off the meds and he's telling me that I'll need to be on them for six to nine months. I'm just having a hard time with that concept. That I have to have meds to help me think well again. I've always been able to dig deep and pull it around and I'll hit a day or portion of a day where I think I'm finally pulling out of this and down I go again. In the meantime, I keep working and going through the motions but ... I'm not really here, you know? Not doing so good right *now*....AFTER treatment. Go figure. I'm fighting really hard right now .. just not doing well.
I don't know what else to say. Anyone else go through similar after treatment or after having to stop treatment prematurely? Is this a result of coming off the treatment drugs or .. what?
Trish
I hope things turn around for you soon. Right after I started tx I could feel my chemical imbalance, because I was getting so angry. I was getting a bit snippy with ppl at work and that's really not me. I started on Celexa and I know that it's helped me. It's nothing drastic, but it helps and I was starting to wonder how I would make it thru tx. I had never been on AD's before, but I definitely feel better and I'm not having any wild dreams or anything. Anyways, good luck to you and God Bless...
This seems to have become everyone's thread and not my own anymore. So many shared experiences it almost breaks my heart to know this other side of tx that everyone goes through. Frank, Mikki ... I hope things get better and at the least that you keep finding the grace to get by. I wish this would all go away for both of you. Thank you for writing in spite of what you're both dealing with, hugs to you both.
LL, Meki, MerryBe ... thanks so much for offering words of encouragement, always the light that people reach for in any darkness. Thanks for being there for me and so many others.
Deb...I knew you'd understand. Thanks for being there with me.
nygirl / Deb ... sigh. Your words were like a big warm gentle hug and I just soaked them in. I am taking it day by day. Love you, Deb.
Trin ... thanks for your love and encouragement and friendship. It means so very much to me.
dointime...incredible information. Thanks for posting that for everyone. Very good insight and I hope that people keep studying this.
For everyone ... regardless of where you are in your journey with tx .. keep hanging in there together in whatever way you can. Always someone who can step up when someone else is down in whatever way, whether it's physical, emotional or mental .. we just need to keep on keeping on. Love to everyone, continuing to root for everyone to get through all this successfully, whatever that means to each of you.
Trish
LL, Meki, MerryBe ... thanks so much for offering words of encouragement, always the light that people reach for in any darkness. Thanks for being there for me and so many others.
Deb...I knew you'd understand. Thanks for being there with me.
nygirl / Deb ... sigh. Your words were like a big warm gentle hug and I just soaked them in. I am taking it day by day. Love you, Deb.
Trin ... thanks for your love and encouragement and friendship. It means so very much to me.
dointime...incredible information. Thanks for posting that for everyone. Very good insight and I hope that people keep studying this.
For everyone ... regardless of where you are in your journey with tx .. keep hanging in there together in whatever way you can. Always someone who can step up when someone else is down in whatever way, whether it's physical, emotional or mental .. we just need to keep on keeping on. Love to everyone, continuing to root for everyone to get through all this successfully, whatever that means to each of you.
Trish
Great info, thanks. Hope you don't mind but I'm going to put in my journal for easy reference in the future... Cheers!
Miss you something terrible around here. I know you're out there, but it is consoling to see you on the board. A twist of fate, thrown together like 4 peas in a pod. Best thing that could of ever happened to me. Think about you everyday.
Trin
Trin
Hello baby I hope this finds those ADs almost ready to start really kicking in and you are feeling better.
You've dealt with so much that even if it wasn't just a chemical imbalance from the meds it would be a miracle that you didn't feel some depression. I did find that they helped me a LOT and often times now think I should go back on them again. I think of you often, in fact a woman was telling me a story about her life the other day and I swear to God for a little while I thought she was talking about you (she was talking about your sister) to the point I said "your sisters husband didn't own any guns did he?" she looked at me like I was nuts - I mean really but then I told her about you and she couldn't even believe how similar the situation was. And I had never heard of it all before in my life before you!
so I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are constantly popping into my mind (whenever I see her here at work now) and I am wishing you all of the best for EVERYTHHING.
Drop me a PM when you can. I don't want to bother you - I know what it's like when you just aren't up to posting and you see something and just dont want to respond.....so I'll leave it to you. You know where you can find me and I hope that you do.
You ARE in my thoughts and prayers,
Debby
You've dealt with so much that even if it wasn't just a chemical imbalance from the meds it would be a miracle that you didn't feel some depression. I did find that they helped me a LOT and often times now think I should go back on them again. I think of you often, in fact a woman was telling me a story about her life the other day and I swear to God for a little while I thought she was talking about you (she was talking about your sister) to the point I said "your sisters husband didn't own any guns did he?" she looked at me like I was nuts - I mean really but then I told her about you and she couldn't even believe how similar the situation was. And I had never heard of it all before in my life before you!
so I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are constantly popping into my mind (whenever I see her here at work now) and I am wishing you all of the best for EVERYTHHING.
Drop me a PM when you can. I don't want to bother you - I know what it's like when you just aren't up to posting and you see something and just dont want to respond.....so I'll leave it to you. You know where you can find me and I hope that you do.
You ARE in my thoughts and prayers,
Debby
Peginterferon-induced depression is reversible
www.reuters.com
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Depression related to peginterferon therapy for chronic hepatitis C increases with duration of use, but reverses following treatment cessation, according to members of the Hepatitis C Antiviral Long-term Treatment against Cirrhosis trial.
After 48 weeks of therapy, 42 percent of the patients developed depression. Pre-existing depression and potential biomarkers of depression, such as blood levels of cortisol and the neurotransmitter serotonin, were associated with neurological or psychiatric side effects, the group reports in the American Journal of Gastroenterology.
"Depression is a common and dose-limiting side effect of antiviral treatment in hepatitis C patients," Dr. Robert J. Fontana, at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and co-authors note. Their goal in the current analysis was to elucidate the incidence, risk factors, and biological basis for this condition.
Included were 201 patients with chronic hepatitis C and advanced fibrosis who previously didn't response to treatment. The patients were treated with peginterferon alfa-2a and ribavirin for 24 weeks. The 74 patients who had undetectable hepatitis C virus (HCV) RNA at week 20 continued at the same doses to complete 48 weeks of antiviral treatment.
The cumulative incidence of peginterferon-induced depression was 23 percent at week 24, with the absence of a virological response at week 20 the only identified independent predictor.
According to the authors, this finding may be due, at least in part, to "the expected negative impact that the knowledge of persistent viremia could have on a patient's mood."
Among the 74 responders, the incidence of treatment-related depression was 9 percent at week 24, increasing to 42 percent by week 48. By week 72, however, mean scores on the Beck Depression Inventory-II "returned to pretreatment baseline levels...demonstrating the reversibility of interferon-induced depression."
Pre-existing depression was not associated with an increased risk of therapy-induced depression, the authors note. Morning plasma cortisol levels remained stable over time, indicating that alterations in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis were not responsible for the changes in mood.
Even though normalized serotonin levels did decline significantly during therapy, these changes did not track with the development of peginterferon-induced depression. Nevertheless, Fontana's team concludes, additional studies of the pathways of serotonin are "warranted to identify the mediators of interferon-induced depression."
SOURCE: American Journal of Gastroenterology, November 2008.
www.reuters.com
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Depression related to peginterferon therapy for chronic hepatitis C increases with duration of use, but reverses following treatment cessation, according to members of the Hepatitis C Antiviral Long-term Treatment against Cirrhosis trial.
After 48 weeks of therapy, 42 percent of the patients developed depression. Pre-existing depression and potential biomarkers of depression, such as blood levels of cortisol and the neurotransmitter serotonin, were associated with neurological or psychiatric side effects, the group reports in the American Journal of Gastroenterology.
"Depression is a common and dose-limiting side effect of antiviral treatment in hepatitis C patients," Dr. Robert J. Fontana, at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and co-authors note. Their goal in the current analysis was to elucidate the incidence, risk factors, and biological basis for this condition.
Included were 201 patients with chronic hepatitis C and advanced fibrosis who previously didn't response to treatment. The patients were treated with peginterferon alfa-2a and ribavirin for 24 weeks. The 74 patients who had undetectable hepatitis C virus (HCV) RNA at week 20 continued at the same doses to complete 48 weeks of antiviral treatment.
The cumulative incidence of peginterferon-induced depression was 23 percent at week 24, with the absence of a virological response at week 20 the only identified independent predictor.
According to the authors, this finding may be due, at least in part, to "the expected negative impact that the knowledge of persistent viremia could have on a patient's mood."
Among the 74 responders, the incidence of treatment-related depression was 9 percent at week 24, increasing to 42 percent by week 48. By week 72, however, mean scores on the Beck Depression Inventory-II "returned to pretreatment baseline levels...demonstrating the reversibility of interferon-induced depression."
Pre-existing depression was not associated with an increased risk of therapy-induced depression, the authors note. Morning plasma cortisol levels remained stable over time, indicating that alterations in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis were not responsible for the changes in mood.
Even though normalized serotonin levels did decline significantly during therapy, these changes did not track with the development of peginterferon-induced depression. Nevertheless, Fontana's team concludes, additional studies of the pathways of serotonin are "warranted to identify the mediators of interferon-induced depression."
SOURCE: American Journal of Gastroenterology, November 2008.
Trish what you have been through is hard to deal with, The first two rimes I thought, and felt the same, I was like a zombie, I just went blank.
Hard words to hear, All I know is this Trish, you will find your way, you are my warrior, with courage beyond. I use effexor, for me.
Have courage dear friend, find what gets you through this, because you will get through it.
Mikki for real wine? or can we whine? and wine!
XOXO
Deb
Hard words to hear, All I know is this Trish, you will find your way, you are my warrior, with courage beyond. I use effexor, for me.
Have courage dear friend, find what gets you through this, because you will get through it.
Mikki for real wine? or can we whine? and wine!
XOXO
Deb
Wow - great thread - I'm totally living it - have been so depressed and out of it - can't think - don't even care to - sad - stupid - listless - fatigued - achy- pissy - unhappy - down right miserable for no reason at all....all the total opposite of who I have always been. (the happy energizer bunny who glowed constanty)
***** big time - I've tried everything - Consorta for energy - Lyrica for the aches - Darvacette for the pain -Lorazipam and Soma to sleep (doen't work most times) and xanax when the time seems right even champagne (which use to always work)- none seem to be able to pull me out of this duldrum.
After reading this thread I found my Zoloft that I only took a few weeks during tx and started taking them again - also had a big white chocolate truffle - may just cure me. It's been almost 5 months post tx and I only txed 13 weeks - so yea guess I have that fear factor that it may rear it damn ugly head again....but to tell you the truth I felt better before I tx. I know.... be patient...but ya know that's a word that has never been in my dictionary and I'd really like to get "me" back.
I took a hormon test last week - looks like I may have been hurled into menapause on top of everything else (was fine when they checked last year but I hear this tx has a nasty tendancy to hasten that out come).
At least I'm not feeling like I'm stuck in a muddy lagoon by myself - sounds like alot of you are sharing my pain - gee just 6 more months and good as new huh?
Maybe we should post a link that asks if anyone felt much better following tx then they did pre tx...i'm sure it out there somewhere....so sorry to ramble but am so sick of being miserable as well - even my horse is getting pissy...they really reflect us.
I promise to be better next time - but I do agree there needs to be proactive post tx proceedures for us delicate ones...or at least periodic parties where we can get together in our jammies with no makeup in a dark lonley place and wine together.
Hey - anyone use Zoloft? - should I try for the paxil?
Hugs,
Mikkimoe
***** big time - I've tried everything - Consorta for energy - Lyrica for the aches - Darvacette for the pain -Lorazipam and Soma to sleep (doen't work most times) and xanax when the time seems right even champagne (which use to always work)- none seem to be able to pull me out of this duldrum.
After reading this thread I found my Zoloft that I only took a few weeks during tx and started taking them again - also had a big white chocolate truffle - may just cure me. It's been almost 5 months post tx and I only txed 13 weeks - so yea guess I have that fear factor that it may rear it damn ugly head again....but to tell you the truth I felt better before I tx. I know.... be patient...but ya know that's a word that has never been in my dictionary and I'd really like to get "me" back.
I took a hormon test last week - looks like I may have been hurled into menapause on top of everything else (was fine when they checked last year but I hear this tx has a nasty tendancy to hasten that out come).
At least I'm not feeling like I'm stuck in a muddy lagoon by myself - sounds like alot of you are sharing my pain - gee just 6 more months and good as new huh?
Maybe we should post a link that asks if anyone felt much better following tx then they did pre tx...i'm sure it out there somewhere....so sorry to ramble but am so sick of being miserable as well - even my horse is getting pissy...they really reflect us.
I promise to be better next time - but I do agree there needs to be proactive post tx proceedures for us delicate ones...or at least periodic parties where we can get together in our jammies with no makeup in a dark lonley place and wine together.
Hey - anyone use Zoloft? - should I try for the paxil?
Hugs,
Mikkimoe
Trish - just wanted to say --- hugs... OK?
It does seem to get better about 4 months --- At least that was what I did.
about 4 months after TX --- I kind of found some sunlight internally --- and started waking up.
It was slow - for sure... But it finally happened.
I wouldn't call it depression - per se... More like a LET DOWN....And I didn't know why I was let down...
But then --- who knows maybe I expected a miracle - and instead I felt worse than before TX --- ended up with more pain than I knew what to do with ---- And I'll never know if it was the TX --- or if I was heading down that path anyway ---- or if it was the HCV.... Or what.... And sometimes --- NOT knowing is the hardest for me.
Anyhow --- Love ya... Hope you find your happy spot --- whatever it is --- Whether it is a PLAN for the future --- or action --- or just belief --- change of thinking --- or something.... I hope you find it.
Hugs --- Lots and lots of them.
Meki
It does seem to get better about 4 months --- At least that was what I did.
about 4 months after TX --- I kind of found some sunlight internally --- and started waking up.
It was slow - for sure... But it finally happened.
I wouldn't call it depression - per se... More like a LET DOWN....And I didn't know why I was let down...
But then --- who knows maybe I expected a miracle - and instead I felt worse than before TX --- ended up with more pain than I knew what to do with ---- And I'll never know if it was the TX --- or if I was heading down that path anyway ---- or if it was the HCV.... Or what.... And sometimes --- NOT knowing is the hardest for me.
Anyhow --- Love ya... Hope you find your happy spot --- whatever it is --- Whether it is a PLAN for the future --- or action --- or just belief --- change of thinking --- or something.... I hope you find it.
Hugs --- Lots and lots of them.
Meki
sorry I don't get to the social side much, but sorry to hear of your trouble,
or heck, just take the meds honey...there are hurdles during and after tx...
it's better to admit it and get some help than to try to tough it out and be chronically miserable.
thats my 2 cents.
have a wonderful, happy turkey or tofu day, and an extra piece of pie....and then let your doc RX you..
(cause we all know what too much pie for the blues will do) ; )))))
feel better soon
mb
or heck, just take the meds honey...there are hurdles during and after tx...
it's better to admit it and get some help than to try to tough it out and be chronically miserable.
thats my 2 cents.
have a wonderful, happy turkey or tofu day, and an extra piece of pie....and then let your doc RX you..
(cause we all know what too much pie for the blues will do) ; )))))
feel better soon
mb
Trish, it's REALLY late so hope my words come thru ok, but I just want to say that in all your comments on commitments, etc. I hope that you'll also see that in all this-tx and post tx- you have to put yourself first at times, and I know not easy for a mother and I also struggled with that. But your children, family, hopefully work, will understand and be supportive in this if you tell them what your struggling with. I know my kids did, while not fully understanding what it was like, fully wanting mom to get past the moods, reclusiveness of it all and so on. The 'sickness' in this is one thing, the mental part can rule the whole show. While I am sure you'll get past this, as Rglass, myself, others...I also know I had to shut out the world (to a point of course) to get thru it. I missed many things for a few mths, and broke down, cried to a few and then they understood more. Keeping it in, just being different worried them more than when I let it all out finally. Just 'getting thru' right now, trying to keep up with it all, could make you worse in the long run to be there for them, and to be yourself again.
I hope the AD's do the job, help for now. I can't believe how fast it left me (the worst of it) when it felt like I was hanging by a thread, seeping into the darkness. I really hope the 'light' comes thru for you soon also.
Rglass,,,,well said! I too just do NOT understand this 'ok, your done now, see you in 3 mths' way of tx. It's like they put you on a roller coaster and then take the brakes away and let go! Land where you will, up or down! That needs to change!
LL
I feel I have changed since treatment. Luckily for me, not really depressed I think, just changed. Sometimes I feel a bit detached from reality. Things that horrified me, don't really - as if I am a bit more open to the inevitability of death. I feel strong, and love the time I spend with my kids, but I think about stuff I never used to, and wonder now at how fast time is going by. Maybe that's just a normal part of getting old anyway - maybe that's all that's happened? Perhaps going through treatment has aged me mentally quite a lot as weird as that sounds?
Hi Trish. I "cured" a couple years ago and have suffered more than anyone ever expected. I was on ADs during treatment as I suddenly became suicidal. It was horrible and my Psych was a monster. Was so happy to find a great Psych and after treatment got off those pills asap and swore I would never go on them again...
Well, about a year ago with my health still declining after "curing" I decided to at least go on anti-anxiety meds which helped greatly...
Another year later with more health issues popping up it was finally decided that I should be on ADs as I had attempted to take my life.
Just hate being on them and dont believe they are helping much... My depression is not chemical but situational and everyone agrees that the situation aint gonna get any better.
I hope that you are having better luck with your ADs and your life gets back on track.
Best to all
Well, about a year ago with my health still declining after "curing" I decided to at least go on anti-anxiety meds which helped greatly...
Another year later with more health issues popping up it was finally decided that I should be on ADs as I had attempted to take my life.
Just hate being on them and dont believe they are helping much... My depression is not chemical but situational and everyone agrees that the situation aint gonna get any better.
I hope that you are having better luck with your ADs and your life gets back on track.
Best to all
I'm happy you made the decision to help yourself.One thing for sure is Our kids will keep us going and on track.You sound like a good mom and soon all this **** will be behind you.Someday when your old and sitting in a rocker, thinking I made all the best decisions I could and don't have any regrets.That's my goal, anyways.Hope ALL keeps going well or continues to get better for you and yours.
God Bless,
Tammy
God Bless,
Tammy
I'm sorry to keep bumping this up ... it takes me awhile to get to posting and I want to respond here.
RGlass, sldb .. thank you for sharing those experiences. In fact, thank you to everyone for having the courage and forthrightness to share. I have been here over a year and I haven't heard anyone talk about depression after treatment to this degree and I didn't expect this. I have been surprised to know the number of people here who experience this and I'm glad the dialogue has happened. I would prefer that people are aware that this can happen when they're done treatment as well as during treatment.
I started the AD's last Thursday morning. I was cautiously optimistic I was going to pull out of it and down I went a couple times more. My daughter deserves a better mom than the stranger she had to put up with last weekend. I have too many responsibilities which is of my own making as I do tend to go at life full tilt. I either let them go or I keep up and it will be worse for me if I can't keep up. I don't have time nor money for a vacation, that's not a complaint, it's my current reality so taking a break is not an option I can take right now so I have to tackle this in different ways. I choose this way of life right now because I have kids I deeply love and they get one shot in life and it's me. Anyway. I need to be at full strength as much as I can and I'll use the AD's now to help me stay on track as much as I can until I can pull through this and get to the other side.
So I'll fight a different kind of battle now to finish getting through treatment persay..only to get through post treatment and I'll win this one too..just a little battered right now.
Can't begin to thank you all enough for your sharing and support. I think it will help others who go through the same thing to know they are not alone. It has helped me.
Love you all and rooting for all of us, wherever we are in this journey we share.
Trish
RGlass, sldb .. thank you for sharing those experiences. In fact, thank you to everyone for having the courage and forthrightness to share. I have been here over a year and I haven't heard anyone talk about depression after treatment to this degree and I didn't expect this. I have been surprised to know the number of people here who experience this and I'm glad the dialogue has happened. I would prefer that people are aware that this can happen when they're done treatment as well as during treatment.
I started the AD's last Thursday morning. I was cautiously optimistic I was going to pull out of it and down I went a couple times more. My daughter deserves a better mom than the stranger she had to put up with last weekend. I have too many responsibilities which is of my own making as I do tend to go at life full tilt. I either let them go or I keep up and it will be worse for me if I can't keep up. I don't have time nor money for a vacation, that's not a complaint, it's my current reality so taking a break is not an option I can take right now so I have to tackle this in different ways. I choose this way of life right now because I have kids I deeply love and they get one shot in life and it's me. Anyway. I need to be at full strength as much as I can and I'll use the AD's now to help me stay on track as much as I can until I can pull through this and get to the other side.
So I'll fight a different kind of battle now to finish getting through treatment persay..only to get through post treatment and I'll win this one too..just a little battered right now.
Can't begin to thank you all enough for your sharing and support. I think it will help others who go through the same thing to know they are not alone. It has helped me.
Love you all and rooting for all of us, wherever we are in this journey we share.
Trish
I totally agree with you R Glass; there should be a post tx tx. I remember my last appt and they said "see you in 6 mos." and it was very strange. I walked out like a puppy with the tail between the legs. Then I literally went into the depression and anxiety attacks and emailed my Hep dx asking "what am I supposed to do?" He told me to make an appt and come and see him. I had ran out of my Xanax and so he gave me 1 mos. script for Xanax and referred me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist prescribed the Paxil (miracle drug in my book) and continues to give me Xanax. The Paxil is so good I really don't need the Xanax. I used to carry Xanax in my purse and take a half in the am and the other half in the pm. Now the Xanax is at home in my dresser drawer because Paxil covers anxiety as well. I only take the Xanax at night and quite frankly I feel like I am simply using it now to get high and pass out at night. I will start to ween myself off of the Xanax.
Trish/ Paxil covers a wide range of symptoms including PMS, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, and PTSD.
Hoping you feel better soon, the holidays are stressful enough and I know about commitments to our children. I tx'ed my daughters senior year and put on a brave front face through it all to keep her happy. I look back and wonder how the hell I did it sometimes...but I did!
TV
Trish/ Paxil covers a wide range of symptoms including PMS, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, and PTSD.
Hoping you feel better soon, the holidays are stressful enough and I know about commitments to our children. I tx'ed my daughters senior year and put on a brave front face through it all to keep her happy. I look back and wonder how the hell I did it sometimes...but I did!
TV
I don’t understand why more Doctors don’t include Post tx in their treatment. It seemed like mine would do anything they could to get me through tx,
After tx, it was congratulations and we will see you in 3 months.
I am fortunate to have a great GP that stepped in and is making the transition as easy as possible. One day I will get off the Elivil and Xanax but, until I have 100% recovered, I am not entertaining the thought. It has been about 6 months now and I would say I am about 80%.
For some people the road to recovery can be a long one. Try not to put unfair expectations on yourself. It won’t be long and you will start to see improvement. It is your decision about the Ads but they saved me. Also remember that Ads take awhile before they start working. When I start to feel myself going into panic or depression mode, I break a xanax in half. If things don’t start to get better after about 20 minutes, I’ll take the other halve
After tx, it was congratulations and we will see you in 3 months.
I am fortunate to have a great GP that stepped in and is making the transition as easy as possible. One day I will get off the Elivil and Xanax but, until I have 100% recovered, I am not entertaining the thought. It has been about 6 months now and I would say I am about 80%.
For some people the road to recovery can be a long one. Try not to put unfair expectations on yourself. It won’t be long and you will start to see improvement. It is your decision about the Ads but they saved me. Also remember that Ads take awhile before they start working. When I start to feel myself going into panic or depression mode, I break a xanax in half. If things don’t start to get better after about 20 minutes, I’ll take the other halve
I had the same thing happen after tx. no depression during tx. but I felt like i was living a horrible nightmare post tx. Trish, it lasted about a year, i foolishly refused AD's. The best advice i can give is to try antidepressants, its got to be better than living for a year miserable.
"I knew that I was not the strong man nor was I the weak man but who in the hell am I and is this the way it is going to be for the rest of my life.
Over time it all started to pull together."
I guess that's how I feel only as it pertains to me. I accomplished a great deal personally while on treatment. I learned a considerable amount about my life, myself and others around me and achieved some significant personal breakthroughs in my life. This depression is therefore completely irrational to me .. to go from a strong person before treatment, a stronger, happier person during treatment to then wondering who the hell am I and questioning everything I've ever been and done after treatment and not sure of much right now. I've had a good couple of days where I thought it was lifting and down it comes again.
I'm exhausted, really. I've read really good advice to take a break and I'm not in a position to do that. I have commitments I've made to my kids and to others and to get through the course I'm taking that I can't just walk away from so I'll have to wait on the break for a bit until I can wrap some of those things up a bit. Haven't ruled out AD's because I need to keep up with my job and life until I can get a break.
I'm glad to know it gets better. While it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like this in one way, I wish I was in another way because I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I'm more than a little surprised and a little saddened to read that it hits so hard, so often and to so many. Another unforeseen "side" of treatment, it seems.
The support I've had from all of you means so much to me. I hope I'm giving back soon enough. I'll keep working through it.
Trish
Over time it all started to pull together."
I guess that's how I feel only as it pertains to me. I accomplished a great deal personally while on treatment. I learned a considerable amount about my life, myself and others around me and achieved some significant personal breakthroughs in my life. This depression is therefore completely irrational to me .. to go from a strong person before treatment, a stronger, happier person during treatment to then wondering who the hell am I and questioning everything I've ever been and done after treatment and not sure of much right now. I've had a good couple of days where I thought it was lifting and down it comes again.
I'm exhausted, really. I've read really good advice to take a break and I'm not in a position to do that. I have commitments I've made to my kids and to others and to get through the course I'm taking that I can't just walk away from so I'll have to wait on the break for a bit until I can wrap some of those things up a bit. Haven't ruled out AD's because I need to keep up with my job and life until I can get a break.
I'm glad to know it gets better. While it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like this in one way, I wish I was in another way because I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I'm more than a little surprised and a little saddened to read that it hits so hard, so often and to so many. Another unforeseen "side" of treatment, it seems.
The support I've had from all of you means so much to me. I hope I'm giving back soon enough. I'll keep working through it.
Trish
I finished tx in May of this year and was on AD's in July becuause of the EOT blues/syndrome/depression. I too like you didn't take AD's while on tx or before tx but am on them now. I did pretty good while on tx but it was right at the very end, last couple of wks I noticed the change. I was like a basketcase and even remembering posting that I was falling apart at the end of my tx. I never even missed a day of work until the very end of tx. I can really relate to you...
I have been taking AD's (Paxil) for 4 mos now and I refer to them as my 'happy pills'. All I can say is they worked and I am greatful for them.
I hope you start to feel better soon! Take it slow it takes time.
TV (Trish V....)
I have been taking AD's (Paxil) for 4 mos now and I refer to them as my 'happy pills'. All I can say is they worked and I am greatful for them.
I hope you start to feel better soon! Take it slow it takes time.
TV (Trish V....)
I can relate. While I was on treatment I had a plan! I was on a mission. When it didn't work, I was lost. I felt like it was all for nothing. I was bummed out and really held no hope. I was crushed.
Now I've decided to heal up a bit and maybe give it another go in the future if I am able. I know I'm running out of time. With that in mind I have been doing the things I enjoy and spending more time with my family.
I don't want to be depressed. I don't want meds either. If esld is what is in store for me, then so be it. I can decide how I want to live.
I hope you feel better soon!
Now I've decided to heal up a bit and maybe give it another go in the future if I am able. I know I'm running out of time. With that in mind I have been doing the things I enjoy and spending more time with my family.
I don't want to be depressed. I don't want meds either. If esld is what is in store for me, then so be it. I can decide how I want to live.
I hope you feel better soon!
I went through the same thing after tx.
For me it was like I was 3 People.
The first person was me before tx. I was a very strong and “happy go lucky” type of person.
The second person came after starting tx. It was like the strong and “happy go lucky” part of me died and left me to be what I considered a weakling.
The 3rd person came after tx. I was confused because I didn’t know who this man was in the mirror. I knew that I was not the strong man nor was I the weak man but who in the hell am I and is this the way it is going to be for the rest of my life.
Over time it all started to pull together. I am the strong man I was before tx.. I just don’t do some of the things I used to do. For an example, one of the things is closing down the Bar Rooms. It is not because I can’t, it is because I don’t want to. There is a big difference.
I hope this helped in some way. If not just disregard it. R. Glass
For me it was like I was 3 People.
The first person was me before tx. I was a very strong and “happy go lucky” type of person.
The second person came after starting tx. It was like the strong and “happy go lucky” part of me died and left me to be what I considered a weakling.
The 3rd person came after tx. I was confused because I didn’t know who this man was in the mirror. I knew that I was not the strong man nor was I the weak man but who in the hell am I and is this the way it is going to be for the rest of my life.
Over time it all started to pull together. I am the strong man I was before tx.. I just don’t do some of the things I used to do. For an example, one of the things is closing down the Bar Rooms. It is not because I can’t, it is because I don’t want to. There is a big difference.
I hope this helped in some way. If not just disregard it. R. Glass
I was watching for your post. I'm gladthe glimmers of hope are startingto come back.
Thinking of you S
Thinking of you S
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