Herpes

[worrywart64]

I just recently started dating a woman who just told me she has herpes. She's had it for 20 something years through a marriage and several boyfriends, none of which has contracted the disease from her. We have not had sex yet. However , I am faced with the question to stay with her or not. I really like her and would like to stay with her but am very concerned about getting the disease.
I am recovering from Prostate cancer and at this point in my recovery , I am using rings, a pump ,Lavitra to aid in the process of maintaining an erection. Wearing a condom is just another frustrating hurtle to have to deal with . Is it possible to have unprotected sex with her as long as she is not having an active break out. She says her medication gets rid of it in a few days. She also has a latex allergy.
What to do?

[gracefromHHP]

she is contagious during obvious recurrences as well as periodically in between. if she started daily suppressive therapy, instead of just treating ob's as she has them, it would cut your risk of contracting hsv2 from her in half!

you can contract hsv2 orally but the risk of such is small in general. her being on daily suppressive therapy reduces that already low risk also.

[worrywart64]

Thanks for the quick response. So is a break out instantaneous? I guess one of my concerns is that let's say she is not showing visible signs of an
outbreak , we have sex and then later that day she has the outbreak. She said she usually has a sensation that the outbreak is coming so I guess the question is "Is she only contagious when there is a visible sign of the outbreak?What are the risks with oral sex if there are no visible signs?Can I catch anything if we were to take a bath together? We've agreed not to have sex when this occurs.I will ask her all of your questions as well and get back to you asap. Thank you

[gracefromHHP]

I'm glad you are seeking out accurate info!!


So at this point, you need to get yourself tested to see what your own status is. odds are that you've never been tested for herpes to know your own status and at your age, odds are you have at least hsv1 if not also hsv2. you and your partner can not make educated decisions until you know who has what.

You also will need to ask your gf a few more questions! Ask her how she was originally diagnosed. 20 years ago, visual diagnosis was very common and also they didn't really make sure if it was hsv1 or hsv2 genitally. ask if she's had any further testing since her original diagnosis to know if she has hsv1 or hsv2. if she hasn't, ask if she wouldn't mind getting a type specific herpes igg blood test to see if she has hsv1, hsv2 or both.  also ask her how she treats her herpes. ask if she just treats ob's when she has them or if she is on daily suppressive therapy.

so what are your real risks if we assume your gf has hsv2 and you don't? Well if you two did nothing but avoid sex anytime she has anything going on genitally, you are 96% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from her. If she takes daily suppressive therapy, your risk is cut in half!  They make non-latex condoms, including female condoms that will also reduce your risk even further - down to 99% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from her if you take all 3 precautions.   A female condom will not require you to have and maintain an erection either to use it.

of course as always, make sure you both have full std testing done too to rule out other std's, especially if you opt not to use condoms.

keep asking questions!

grace