I have no idea what is "shameful" about this.
Condoms provide about 90% protection for herpes in a single event. You added boxer shorts and a shirt (I have no idea why you wore the shirt, to be honest), and apparently were super careful about skin touching.
It's very unlikely that any one single encounter with anyone - male or female - would result in herpes transmission if the person infected didn't have an outbreak. Given the steps you took, it would only increase the odds of that not happening.
Since you are so worried about this, have you considered going on suppressive meds, like daily valtrex or acyclovir? If you had a regular partner, and all you did was use daily meds OR used condoms (and avoiding sex during outbreaks), your female hsv2 negative partner would have about a 5% chance of getting it from you a year. If you used condoms AND meds, it's about a 2-3% chance. (That's assuming a "normal" sex life, like 2-3 times a week, on average.)
Please work to stop carrying shame about this. You aren't a walking biohazard.
Are you ashamed because you didn’t disclose? You should definitely disclose, condom or not.
One of my best friends used condoms and still got it from her partner’s skin touching hers. He had a couple of itchy bumps in the pubic area that he thought were bug bites from a recent camping trip, and she could t even see the bumps. The did it doggy style, and her first breakout started where his pubic bone hit her rear end.
Not disclosing because you’re using condoms isn’t okay.
Had she been allowed to choose whether to risk it or not, she wouldn’t have.
No judgment.,. I’m just pointing out what could happen. And if your conscience is bothering you, then I think you already know what you should and shouldn’t do? Good luck.