Avatar universal

HSV2 advice needed

Hi I am HSV2+ male 4 days ago I had protected sex with HSV2- female, now I'm freaking out because of my shameful actions....

1. We only did it doggystyle and I was wearing T-shirt and boxers to avoid skin contact.

2. I made sure the condom stayed intact and no exposed area of my penis entered her vagina, I used the rim of the condom as a indicator, where to stop.

3. Sex last 10 mins maybe more 15/20

May question is how safe is the female,
should I be worried, im so scared my nerves killing me....

Please give some advice on my situation

Can you quantify my encounter
2 Responses
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207091 tn?1337709493
I have no idea what is "shameful" about this.

Condoms provide about 90% protection for herpes in a single event. You added boxer shorts and a shirt (I have no idea why you wore the shirt, to be honest), and apparently were super careful about skin touching.

It's very unlikely that any one single encounter with anyone - male or female - would result in herpes transmission if the person infected didn't have an outbreak. Given the steps you took, it would only increase the odds of that not happening.

Since you are so worried about this, have you considered going on suppressive meds, like daily valtrex or acyclovir? If you had a regular partner, and all you did was use daily meds OR used condoms (and avoiding sex during outbreaks), your female hsv2 negative partner would have about a 5% chance of getting it from you a year. If you used condoms AND meds, it's about a 2-3% chance. (That's assuming a "normal" sex life, like 2-3 times a week, on average.)

Please work to stop carrying shame about this. You aren't a walking biohazard.

Helpful - 0
Thank you a million, but there's one important fact, I'm not on any meds (supressive treatment). This whole situation driving me insane, its hard not having anybody to understand. I have been doing some research and some sites states that the incubation period for HSV2 is 4 to 12 days others say 2 to 20

Honestly I keeping a close eye on the situation and she seems fine other for pain in the back of her neck, which she claims is stress related

Its been 10 days when can I put this behind me, I can't live with this guilt, I was weak in the moment
Okay listen to me. If you take nothing else away from this, take this:

You are not a walking biohazard.

You had protected sex, you wore boxers and a shirt (still don't understand that one as you are only infectious from your genitals). You took precautions to make sure your skin didn't touch her skin, which makes me just really sad, since you are letting herpes take over your sex life needlessly.

The chances of her getting herpes from you are slim to none. Seriously.

I do get it. I have hsv2. I know that I don't shed the virus every day, and that the chance of transmission when using condoms is very low.

Are you thinking that you'll never be able to have sex again? That hurts my heart. I assume she knows you have herpes? She made an informed decision? She's a grown up, I'm assuming, and this was HER CHOICE. Even if she didn't know - and really, you should be telling your partners if you aren't, though I can't imagine you'd be keeping your clothes on without explanation - she is a GROWN WOMAN who makes her own sexual choices. She likely knows that with any sex there is a risk. She may just like you more than she's worried about herpes. :)

Is there a reason you aren't on suppression? With your anxiety about this, it sounds like it may be a good idea. Maybe you'd do well on a dating site for people with STDs, but research them. Some have privacy concerns.

But you are not a walking biohazard.
Oh and it's 2-20 days, with the average being 4 days. That she hasn't gotten symptoms by now (and neck pain is not a symptom) is a great sign, though again, I don't think you have a thing to worry about.
I'm so sad right now she's going through so much because of me, last night into this morning her eyes were yellowish red and she was itching all over her body, I'm so scared
Today is 16 days still no sign of outbreak on vagina but hwe eyes red like fire and she's itching all over
Sorry if I'm sound sickening but I live in a 3rd world country with limited information on HSV2 and a HUGE Stigma, the population of my country is 1.3 million people and nothing is being done to educate the citizenry on this subject, I feeling like I lost my innocence, I cry every night, sorry it sounds so stupid but I took advantage of the moment and lost self control, now I'm dealing with this guilt, I pray to god she's OK I pay to God miss
Ok so your first assignment is to read the herpes handbook at https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/. It's free and written by one of the world's leading experts on herpes.

If her eyes are yellowish at all, get her to a doctor. That, along with itching all over her body, can indicate a liver issue, and that has nothing to do with herpes. It does require IMMEDIATE medical attention, though.

Ignore the stigma. You have a virus. That's all. The stigma comes from it being sexually transmitted, and viruses aren't moral judgements and don't affect your worth.

See if you can get suppressive meds. It will surely help your mindset about this.

So your steps:

1 - Take your woman to the hospital if she has yellow eyes and itchy skin. At the very least, get her in to her doctor TODAY.

2 - Read the herpes handbook.

3 - Ignore the stigma.

4 - Talk to your doctor about suppressive meds - daily valtrex or acyclovir. Also, talk to him/her about your anxiety and guilt about this. You must have mental health specialists, like counselors, in your country. It's time to visit one.

I hope your woman friend is okay.
She's not my girlfriend I just had a moment of weakness dto loneliestnz
She's not my girlfriend I just had a moment of weakness

Anyway its been 18 days and no  outbreaks the only issues she's having is fatigue and pain in the back of her neck the scratching stopped she said, plus her vagina area has no issues.

Question one its 18 days can I please go live my life do I have to stress the extra 2 days

Question 2 what's the chances t of outbreaks after 20 days mark.
You didn't have to do this much worrying from the start. You used a condom, wore boxer shorts and a shirt, and took caution to make sure your skin didn't touch. I can't imagine how she'd get infected from this. I see no reason to worry at all. I don't think you need to wait 2 more days, and don't think you needed to worry at all.

Really, you can truly let this go.

Please read the herpes handbook and please talk to your doctor about your anxiety/guilt. I don't know what kind of info they are giving you there, but it is entirely possible to have a normal sex life with herpes. Loads of people get married, have kids, etc., all while having herpes.

Thanks Boss I'll try my best to go live my life thanks a million its just the guilt is too much for me so I stay alone, thanks again
AFKR is right I feel koke a monster, the guilt is killing me I can't even sleep, I'm not one to make excuses but my guilt will never let me sleep in peace.

I'm feeling like I'm losing my mind that night keeps playing over and over in my head

Its been 23 days for God's sake, yet she continues to have this weird stiff neck and sleepy feeling, yet she has the
Yet she has the energy to go gym and all I'm so confused gosh I can't take it

I real messed up big time
Its been 24 days since I did my selfish act so far I'm basically an annoyance to the female because I'm always checking in on her well-being my guilt won't let me settled plus I don't have the resources to read your link I'm using a 8gb third word Chinese phone a BLU so I can't install apps to open that file anyway that's beyond important

Anyway the fact that she crossed the 24 day mark give me some peace of mind, but that pain behind here neck still there and she claims to be feeling very weak, yet she always has the energy for gym and other things.

I just can't let this go I real try, it took me 6weeks to find out I have herpes, but I had multiple encounters, plus I got siphilis and clymidia from the encounter, so its hard to pinpoint when my herpes symptoms start appearing

Sorry for all my writing but I just trying to understand my situation because I honestly believed once I had no sores and use condoms people would be safe I don't want to be that type of guy that hurts people Herpes is for life and I don't want to impact anybody life on that level, I try so hard to stay alone, but I'm living in the Caribbean 75% of the women look like Rihanna and its one big party over here, so I'm basically living in hell...

Again I'm sorry for all of this I swear I try my best to be responsible but I feeling like real **** I real sorry....

Thanks for everything continued to help others front people like me..

Ignore AFKR. You are not a monster.

Are you sure you got syphilis and chlamydia? What were your results?

She has energy to go to the gym because she is FINE. You did nothing to put her at risk, and even if she had herpes, she can go to the gym.

Seriously, get some counseling. I'm more worried about your mental health and your opinion of yourself than I am transmission. You sound very depressed.

You are not a monster. You aren't anywhere close to it. I promise you.
If you can read this site, you can read the herpes handbook. It's just another website.
I can't I truly lack the resources to open the handbook, I can't sleep Aunty I can't think straight I cant live my life it's super stressful, I can't focus on my job I just can't I always try to be alone, I can't live with this guilt I never imagine the day when I'll hurt a female that's the lowest any man can stoop.

Saddest thing is She don't discuss her sexual history with me its hard having this conversation, she always runs off the phone. Anyway miss you have been a real help, its 26 days her symptoms don't seem anything Herpes related she weird OK its hard to tell if the world stressing her or if its my fault, its been 26 days no outbreaks

I trying but what are the chances in 6 weeks outbreak I read some rubbish stating depending on the viral load or copies of the virus first outbreaks should appear early or late
Avatar universal
Are you ashamed because you didn’t disclose? You should definitely disclose, condom or not.
One of my best friends  used condoms and still got it from her partner’s skin touching hers. He had a couple of itchy bumps in the pubic area that he thought were bug bites from a recent camping trip, and she could t even see the bumps. The did it doggy style, and her first breakout started where his pubic bone hit her rear end.
Not disclosing because you’re using condoms isn’t okay.
Had she been allowed to choose whether to risk it or not, she wouldn’t have.
No judgment.,. I’m just pointing out what could happen. And if your conscience is bothering you, then I think you already know what you should and shouldn’t do? Good luck.
Helpful - 0
You aren't wrong, but please keep in mind that redrobin already carries a lot of shame just for having herpes in the first place, and already feels terrible for "giving in" and having sex. There's no reason to add to that. I'm sure he knows the possibilities, and has replayed it over and over in his head.

His conscience is bothering him, at least in part, because he thinks he should never have sex with a non-infected person again, or maybe just should never have sex again.

Let's not make him feel worse than he already knows. He already knows this, and we don't actually know if he disclosed.
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