Questions about transmission

[whc123]

I am a male in my late thirties. I have HSV1. I have very few outbreaks and as far as i know the majority of the women I have dated either haven't contracted it or if they did, never showed any symptoms.

Unfortunately the last 3 women I have had serious relationships with have all ended up catching it. I thought I was being careful, not kissing or doing anything sexual if I felt symptoms coming on. I don't understand why doing what I have done all along to protect my partners no longer works.

Is it possible that I've become more contagious as I have gotten older?  

I am now single and trying to date and I don't know what to do when I meet someone I am interested in. Because of my last 3 partners becoming infected I am afraid that no matter what I do anyone I kiss or have sex with is going to get it. I have read a bunch of information on various medical websites and I find it all confusing. Some say take suppression drugs, but I have had doctors tell me I don't need to take any medication because my symptoms are so infrequent and the outbreaks are usually mild.

I want to be honest with anyone I am going to be intimate with, but  I don't even know what I am supposed to tell them. I feel like I don't know what the real facts are and how much or how little a risk they would be taking by being involved with me. I don't even know if I should be kissing someone without telling them first, even though supposedly "60-80% of the population" has it.

[Fleetwood20]

With a long term oral infection, it is very difficult to become infected genitally owing to the presence of antibodies already in a person's system. One reason why genital infections are on the increase is that oral infections are on the decrease.

[whc123]

I have not tested positive for HSV2 previously. I am going to the doctor to be tested again to be sure.

I don't understand why you said having an oral infection would preclude a genital one. I thought transmission during oral sex was not unheard of.

As for their grooming they tended to keep it short but not totally bare. So Not sure that was an issue.

[Fleetwood20]

That is an unusually high rate of infection. Although I believe it very likely they were infected with your HSV1 infection, have you definitely tested for HSV2?

It is almost certain that these three women did not have an existing oral HSV1 infection as this makes a genital HSV1 very difficult. Chance alone would suggest 50% or more of previous partners had an oral HSV1 infection and hence never experienced a genital issue. Perhaps these latest three were more into the 'bare' look down there? More regular shaving and waxing increases transmission odds quite a lot I feel.

[Life360_Dave]

Test were performed to establish shedding rates and these were the number that came up. The virus was found on the surface without a sore 9-18% of the time.

[whc123]

It's HSV1. All 3 claim they never had it before me and had very bad genital outbreaks that seem consistent with a first episode. So unless they were all lying and had really bad outbreaks while we were dating, they got it from me.

As for the "shedding rate for hsv1 oral is 9-18% of the days evaluated". I don't understand what that means. They all had genital outbreaks whereas I always thought I just had oral infection.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, the issue with them contracting it is how do you know they got it from you?  and is this hsv1 or 2?
Its estimated that 70% of the adult population would test positive for hsv1.
If they are getting it from you through shedding, the shedding rate for hsv1 oral is 9-18% of the days evaluated.