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Herpes in a relationship
I'm 21, just graduated from uni. I should be on top of the world but no I've just been diagnosed with type 1 genial herpes. I've been with my boyfriend a year (3 months exclusively to each other). I had a hard time a couple of years ago partying too hard, taking things I shouldn't and yes sleeping around. There's no point deny it, I wasn't always careful and I wasn't sensible I've come to terms with that. My boyfriend had had a similar past and had got his life on track and he's really helped me get out of the hole I was in. This time last year I was dropping out of uni. I graduate in 2 weeks so yes I have turned my life around completely and I was so proud of myself and then I get this news and I don't know what to do.
In myself I feel I have accepted it and I don't feel the things I did when I first found out my main problem is how this affects my boyfriend. Now he has been amazing I couldn't ask for a better reaction. He took me to a gum clinic, he told my parents, he's openly discussed what I need, ran me small baths to help me use the toilet. He even asked if I'd show him when I felt ready so I'd know there's nothing that would make him feel differently about me and considering his arousal at just seeing that area even with infection I believe him. It's me I feel awful for making him have to deal with this, forcing on him a reminder of my past life. Our relationship has been built around our sex life, it's how we talk best and it's going to change it so much. I don't know how to deal with that. I feel awful that if I haven't already I could infect him and the guilt is just killing me. We've discussed condoms, he wants to carry on as normal (we don't use them) and says he has every intention of marrying me some day so it's a risk he's willing to take. I on the other hand want to use them, I'd never forgive myself. It's caused arguments because I've tried to be logical saying we can't guarantee forever at such a young age and I'm not willing to give him this. It makes sense in my head not to him.
I need advice on dealing with this in relationships and how I can feel more comfortable about it, if he is so understanding.
Thank you
In myself I feel I have accepted it and I don't feel the things I did when I first found out my main problem is how this affects my boyfriend. Now he has been amazing I couldn't ask for a better reaction. He took me to a gum clinic, he told my parents, he's openly discussed what I need, ran me small baths to help me use the toilet. He even asked if I'd show him when I felt ready so I'd know there's nothing that would make him feel differently about me and considering his arousal at just seeing that area even with infection I believe him. It's me I feel awful for making him have to deal with this, forcing on him a reminder of my past life. Our relationship has been built around our sex life, it's how we talk best and it's going to change it so much. I don't know how to deal with that. I feel awful that if I haven't already I could infect him and the guilt is just killing me. We've discussed condoms, he wants to carry on as normal (we don't use them) and says he has every intention of marrying me some day so it's a risk he's willing to take. I on the other hand want to use them, I'd never forgive myself. It's caused arguments because I've tried to be logical saying we can't guarantee forever at such a young age and I'm not willing to give him this. It makes sense in my head not to him.
I need advice on dealing with this in relationships and how I can feel more comfortable about it, if he is so understanding.
Thank you
No, the locations are completely independent.
You had a bad outbreak because you were infected 2-10 days previously, almost no question. Transmission can occur even when no outbreaks are present. Your current partner is the source hence presents few ongoing issues.
You had a bad outbreak because you were infected 2-10 days previously, almost no question. Transmission can occur even when no outbreaks are present. Your current partner is the source hence presents few ongoing issues.
Thank you both for the advice. We both got tested together when we finally made the commitment to each other so it was very shocking to find out I hadn't been tested for herpes.
I have been told it's oral herpes and was probably contracted through oral sex. I didn't know however that it could come if he didn't get cold sores. I think I'd feel better thinking it was from him.
I've also read that mouth trauma can be the cause of the initial outbreak. I had an infected wisdom tooth at exactly the same time as my outbreak. Could this be a cause?
I have been told it's oral herpes and was probably contracted through oral sex. I didn't know however that it could come if he didn't get cold sores. I think I'd feel better thinking it was from him.
I've also read that mouth trauma can be the cause of the initial outbreak. I had an infected wisdom tooth at exactly the same time as my outbreak. Could this be a cause?
I totally agree with fleetwood -this sounds like a recently acquired genital herpes infection and it would've come from your partner. Even if he can't recall ever having had any obvious cold sores in his life, odds are he carries the virus orally and transmitted it to you through oral sex.
so what do you do now? Let this ob heal completely. when you have obvious recurrences , which with hsv1 genitally should be few and far between, avoid sex with your partner to err on the side of caution. You really don't have to worry about transmitting the virus to your partner as Fleetwood already pointed out. It will not be a big deal in your relationship. Should you ever become pregnant, make sure your obgyn knows about your genital herpes infection.
hsv1 genitally is the most common cause of genital herpes in the UK. Keep in mind it's not the only std out there though and make sure that you and your partner followed up with full std testing 3 months after your last partners since you've only been exclusive for a few months.
so what do you do now? Let this ob heal completely. when you have obvious recurrences , which with hsv1 genitally should be few and far between, avoid sex with your partner to err on the side of caution. You really don't have to worry about transmitting the virus to your partner as Fleetwood already pointed out. It will not be a big deal in your relationship. Should you ever become pregnant, make sure your obgyn knows about your genital herpes infection.
hsv1 genitally is the most common cause of genital herpes in the UK. Keep in mind it's not the only std out there though and make sure that you and your partner followed up with full std testing 3 months after your last partners since you've only been exclusive for a few months.
It seems that what you describe is a primary outbreak of HSV1 and that it is very recent. It seems likely that you were infected 2-10 days before your first sores. This sounds like your partner gave you oral sex in the timeframe and infected you with his oral HSV1 infection.
This is a reasonable situation to be in as you both now have HSV1. He is most unlikely to become infected genitally as he carries strong immunity to the virus. As such his approach is entirely reasonable. You can go about your sex life just as before.
Your infection will likely clear up and disappear completely. You can then expect very small infrequent outbreaks, if any at all, in future.
This is a reasonable situation to be in as you both now have HSV1. He is most unlikely to become infected genitally as he carries strong immunity to the virus. As such his approach is entirely reasonable. You can go about your sex life just as before.
Your infection will likely clear up and disappear completely. You can then expect very small infrequent outbreaks, if any at all, in future.
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
