Absolutely not. Igm tests are useless and false positives are VERY common. No std expert recommends them. Eventhe cdc is against the igm test for hsv. It will not prove anything either way.
That being said you are way over blowing the situation. You do not need testing at all. The handjob with saliva and fingering was a no risk event. Really, move on as there is no realistic chance you contracted hsv from that exposure. You have a better chance of being struck by lightning.
No. Herpes whitlow will have outbreaks. It doesn't shed the virus when there is no outbreak though. 3-10 days for a primary outbreak
1. Herpes of the finger or herpes whitlow as it's called can happen from a man fingering a female. It's very rare however. It's so rare I wouldn't be concerned in the slightest.
2. No real chance of a man getting herpes this way. Again doesn't warrant much concern at all.