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I have been having unprotected sex both oral and vaginal with a singular partner for a year now. She recently told me when she came over that she did not want to go down on me because she feared she was having a herpes outbreak. She proceeded to tell me that she thought she got it two weeks prior on a photo shoot from a make up brush and this was the first symptom that she had ever had and was scared to tell me. A week went by and I asked her if she had gone to be tested which she still had not gone, at which point I told her it would be fair to me to go get tested to know if she had herpes or not as her claim was this was her first break out. I have previously been tested for herpes which came back negative and haven't  had any symptoms of herpes the entirety of our sexual relationship. She went to get tested and started to tell me all of the information about HSV one potentially lying dormant for decades before having a breakout and that she had never had a break out. She said that she was telling me this because she didn’t want me to fear that she had been sleeping withsomeone else. All of the information that she has provided me was not asked for but she took it upon herself to give it to me which made me feel very uncomfortable because it felt very forced and like she was trying to cover up something. I am aware that HSV one can lay dormant for years but that it is more common to have a primary outbreak 2 to 12 days after exposure. It seems more likely, given that she was already prepared with an excuse as to recent exposure that she is trying to cover up the fact that she just contracted herpes. I have not been to test yet because I’m afraid to find out that I have it. But I will say that I have never had an outbreak or any symptoms in the past and the time from her potential exposure until now I have not had any sexual interactions with her. I guess my question is what  is the likelihood that this is a primary outbreak versus her having had this for years and not knowing. I feel as though she recently contracted it due to the fact that it never previously came up, we hadn’t had sex for roughly 2 weeks before she told me, haven’t had sex since she told me and I have had no symptoms, oral or genital.

Provided her symptoms prior to and when she told me of her outbreak scare.
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207091 tn?1337709493
This is a lot of fuss for oral hsv1.

First, she didn't get oral hsv1 from a makeup brush. Also, with everything happening today, a professional makeup artist isn't going to be sharing any kind of brushes that could possibly spread covid. Sharing drinks, lipsticks, makeup, etc., are just really inefficient ways of transmitting herpes.

So, did she have it prior to meeting you? Maybe. Probably. Globally, 3.7 BILLION people under 50 do - 67% of them. 90% of people who have it never get symptoms, so most don't know they have it.

If she didn't, she could have gotten it from a kiss from a parent, a co-worker - anyone with a cold sore, or even without a cold sore. This is not evidence that she cheated.

Her statement that she feared she was having a herpes outbreak sounds like she knows what it feels like, and what was coming. She didn't say, "I'm having weird symptoms and I don't know what it is." Pure speculation on my part, of course. Did she test positive on a blood test? Did she get sores? What happened?

Did she know she had it? I can't tell you that. If she did, it's possible that her doctor told her it wasn't necessary to disclose that - many, many doctors don't think it's necessary to share that, even though we know it's transmissible via kissing and oral sex.

In any case, now to know if you have it. You can get a type specific IgG blood test.  You say that you've been tested for herpes before - have you asked for that specifically? Many times, people think they have been tested for herpes when they ask for testing for "everything", and herpes isn't included.

Also, the hsv1 IgG test misses 30% of infections - a test flaw - so you may already have it and not know it.

No one wants herpes, and should take basic precautions to avoid it, but this seems like a lot of fuss over a really common virus, though I understand the "did she cheat or lie" part.

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