New relationship - Scared to get Cold Sores

[lmarie88]

Hello,

My new boyfriend has gotten cold sores since he was a kid.  He told me he gets an outbreak about once a year - when that happens, he uses Abreva and may get a Valtrex prescription to shorten the duration of the outbreak.  He is also very careful not to kiss others, share glasses/utensils/towels, and washes his hands frequently.  I have never gotten a cold sore.  I recently got tested for all STDs - including HSV1 and HSV2 - and was negative for everything.  He got tested as well and came up positive only for HSV1.

None of my family, siblings, or friends get cold sores (everyone in my immediate family has gotten tested and all came up negative for HSV1).  From everything I've read online, it's extremely common, but that still doesn't help me get over the fact that I don't want to get the virus or have to deal with cold sores.  I told my boyfriend that I don't want him to ever give me oral sex because I don't want to get genital HSV1.  This hurt his feelings, but I can't help feeling the way that I do.  Sometimes when we're in the middle of being intimate, I purposely try to limit how much I kiss him because I can't stop thinking about possibly contracting cold sores.

Has anyone had experiences where their significant other gets cold sores and they dont, and you were able to maintain a long term relationship without ever contracting the virus?  It seems to me, given the presence of asymptomatic viral shedding, that being in a long term relationship with someone with HSV means that you will - at one point or another - get the virus.  How easily spreadable is HSV1 when there aren't obvious sores or prodromal symptoms present?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.  It is rare to meet a guy who is so sweet and good to me, so I don't want to let the relationship go, but I don't want to get an incurable virus either.

[lluvi_]

is hsv2 vissible i mean if someone have it can you tell because hsv1 isnt vissible and im also afraid to kiss, my boyfriend  but im not really scared of hsv1 but hsv2 is so scary and i want know if theres a way to know

[lluvi_]

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[gracefromHHP]

the research supports it not being very helpful for the majority of people who use it.

perhaps this isn't the right relationship for you then if you are this concerned about transmission and he isn't?  plenty of info out there on asymptomatic shedding of oral herpes for him to read.  Odds are his partners aren't getting properly tested for herpes to know their status before and after him either. totally up to you - odds are your next partner will have hsv1 too whether they know it or not.

[lmarie88]

Bummer about the lysine.  :(  There's feedback online from cold sore sufferers who swear by lysine... has that not been your experience at all?

I'd thought about daily suppressive therapy as an option, but unfortunately my boyfriend is not as concerned about transmission as I am.  He thinks asymptomatic shedding is a myth, says he has never given the virus to anyone (that he knows of), and basically just doesn't think I'm at risk of getting cold sores as long as he doesn't kiss me when he has an outbreak.  Taking his attitude into account, I'd feel bad about making him take a medication on a daily basis...

[gracefromHHP]

actually no lysine doesn't shorten ob's of cold sores.

as far as we know taking lysine daily won't lessen your risk of contracting hsv1. most of us already get more than enough lysine in our diets naturally and supplementing with more doesn't seem to do much for most folks.  I consider lysine one of the biggest herpes myths out there :(

We don't have studies showing that your partner taking daily suppressive therapy will lessen your risk of contracting hsv1 from him but it certainly can't hurt if it's something you are both interested in pursuing.   We know it decreases shedding somewhat and anything that lessens shedding of the virus means less risk times that you'd be exposed to hsv1 in general.

[lmarie88]

Thanks for your feedback, Grace.

One more question - I've read a lot about taking high doses of L-lysine to prevent or shorten the duration of breakouts. I'm wondering if you've ever heard of it used as a prophylaxis for HSV1 transmission? In other words, if I start taking the supplement daily, I'm wondering if it could help reduce my risk?

[gracefromHHP]

Statistically 1 out of every 2-3 people you know has hsv1 orally. it really is that common.  by the time we make it to the old folks home, 80% of us have the virus.

You can still receive oral sex. If you are concerned, only have your partner perform protected oral sex. You can buy flavored condoms, cut them open and lay them over your genital area while he performs oral on you.  

overall you are more likely not to contract hsv1 from him than you are to contract it from him.  totally up to you if you think the risk is worth it or not. Not kissing him when he has obvious cold sores does go a long way.

grace