transmission risk

[info2526]

Hi room,

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.  I just broke up with my bf of three years and had a full panel test done that included the herpes select everything was negative (including herpes type 1 and type.)   I met a really nice guy and we are in the getting to know each other stage where you ask questions.  Last night I brought up herpes and he said the only thing that he remembers is getting a coldsore when was a kid.  I know cold sores are type 1 and he is now 30.  He said he hasn't had any any his adult or teenage years and I have never seen anything on his lips.  We been seeing each other for a month.  I;m really old fashioned...so I've haven't kissed him yet, just hanging out and chilling.  My question is how risky is kissing him, if he doesn't have visible cold sores.  Like is virus always on his lips and what are my chances of cathching it.  I think to get it now when I'm 27 would be so much worse then if I acquired it as a child.  Kind of like adults getting chicken pox and having it turn into shingles.  I really like him alot.  He agreed to get type tested but if prob. won't happen until some time next week.  How easily does this spread with coldsores.  Is he still capable of spreading it if he has not had a coldsore in 20plus years?  Thanks for your time

[info2526]

I appreciate the honesty.  Today, the only site I visited was facebook :)  It is a very slippery slope, so I'm trying my hardest to let it go.  The facts make sense, but its WAYYYYYYYY to much stuff on the net.  Thanks grace, daisy, and you too waringblender for pulling me back in.  Lol, no oral exam but I can't help but just doing a quick glance(he doesn't notice it), baby steps :)  I  like kisses too.  Thanks again guys, you all are awesome.

[waringblender]

"next you will be doing a full Oral exam before a Goodnight kiss."

LMAO.

No kidding. It's a slippery slope, for sure. Could latex gloves for hand-holding be far off? Christ on crutches.

[daisy315]

I think you are Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy over the top and need to stop searching the Net for possibilities of catching this or that ..... by all means be careful sexually but for goodness sake live your life,I cannot imagine life without kisses, your fear is getting the better of you on this I'm afraid ..... next you will be doing a full Oral exam before a Goodnight kiss lol ..... Dude won't hang around with you for long with such compulsive behaviour on things that are actually all part of life there are many more dangerous things than a cold sore that we all encounter on a daily basis.

Daisy

[gracefromHHP]

This isn't an issue.  He really isn't contagious 24/7/365.

grace

[info2526]

I thought that oral herpes was common.  Thats kind of what I'm freaking out over.  The website said that almost all ocular herpes are caused by hsv 1. I'm trying to be open minded about this, but the more I research the more I am freaked out.  Thats why I'm on here to get answers without having to be OCD with my friend.  The question about ocular herpes from a kiss very near the eye, I thought was good.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has every wondered, maybe the only one who has asked (at least on here, i tried searching first)

[waringblender]

Honestly, you sound too OCD or paranoid to be sexual with ANYBODY. You are afraid to kiss somebody because of OCULAR herpes?

At this point, probably educating yourself won't help much.

I suggest psychological counseling. You appear to be working with many overly rigid rules about what you require of your potential sexual partners. That doesn't bode well for future relationships. On top of that, you appear to be afraid of even kissing people for fear of contracting diseases that are rare to begin with.

I don't envy you. These beliefs and behaviors you have could end up making you very lonely in life.

[info2526]

Can his virus shed in my eye from the kiss without a sore present?

[info2526]

How common is ocular herpes in situations like mine.  My eyes are one of my best features :(

[info2526]

Its almost funny, I discovered ocular herpes on this site while I searching for transmission of HSV1 from cheek kisses. :(

[info2526]

Okay, so I really like dude.  Haven't quite been able to let him kiss me (working on that) he kisses my cheek normally but last night, he kissed me really really close to my eye(I turned my head to ask a question).  Still no coldsore that I could see.  What is my risk of ocular herpes?  Or am I being as crazy as I feel I am being :(  I wish I almost didn't know about it.  

[gracefromHHP]

Wouldn't it make more sense just to wait 3 months after you meet someone before you have sex with them and just both of you get tested then? At $200-$300 to get tested for the whole shebang ( which btw doesn't include testing for molluscum or hpv ), cheaper for both of you just to get tested 3 months into things and be done with it.

Also yeast infections are not a std. They aren't really sexually related either. It's about your vaginal ph being out of range and allowing yeast, which is always there, to overgrow and cause issues.  

Be careful of "testing" the folks you are dating. You just set yourself up to fail because it's hard for others to meet our self imposed standards sometimes.  Would suck if you turned away the love of your life because he wouldn't agree to repeating his blood testing a few months into things because he thought it meant you had no trust in him.

grace

[waringblender]

That's unbelievable. Didn't think people like you were around. You sound rigid and dogmatic in your thinking.

But good luck with all of that.

[info2526]

lol, I know its quite alot :)  I was never really concerned about oral herpes, until dude mentioned the coldsores and then I did some research.  I knew my status, but I commend him for his honesty.  As Grace mentioned, I have prob dated someone who was positive and just didn't know.  I had no clue that it was that common.  However, the other stds, I will not bend on.  I am a weeder, and I use this method to weed out guys.  I think I'm worth it and hopefully they think so to.  If not, they know where the door is.  Lol, it must be working.  I;ve been blessed to reach 27 and be std free, also never had a yeast infection (knock on wood).  Its just a little different when you know someone has something.  Info can be both a blessing and a curse.  

[waringblender]

That's a lot to ask of a potential sexual partner. Good luck with that, though. Do you tell them that in the 3/4 month time period they aren't allowed to kiss ANYBODY, including friends and family members? Or do you just dump them after the 3-4 months if they turn up positive?

Interesting approach.

[info2526]

I was tested about a month ago for everthing (kind of a exit relationship testing) his last panel was five years or so ago.  No way possible I would ever think to sleep with someone without a current test.....and then I usually follow a three month/four month rule and have them tested again.  Then if all clean, do protected sex.  I always try to be safe.  I took a infectious diseases class in school that was an eyeopener  :)

[gracefromHHP]

Yes he's still shedding periodically even when he doesn't have obvious cold sores present. We shed for a lifetime whether our herpes is oral or genital.  That's what makes a herpes virus part of the herpes virus family unfortunately.

grace

[info2526]

Thanks Grace for your answer and your explaination of Shingles too :)   So it it low risk to kiss him when he doesn't have cold sores?  I had no idea that it was that common.  I really like him,  and I want to be fair in this,  Ignorance of something is the worse.  So I'm thinking that a quick peck...is always find.  But a deep long kiss is getting into the risky catagory.  Since he doesn't remember having a coldsore in adult life, his immune system must be doing a good job of suppressing it, but is it suppressing it to the point where he is not shedding...or is he always shedding even without sores?

[gracefromHHP]

1 out of every 2-3 adults has hsv1 orally in the US alone. It's incredibly common and odds are that this is not the first person you've ever dated that has had it. Most folks who are infected with hsv1 orally, have no idea they have it and don't get obvious cold sores to know it.  by the time we hit the old age home, about 80% of us have it. Not many of us make it thru life without it.  

fyi - chicken pox never turns into shingles. If you get chicken pox as an adult it's still chicken pox. Shingles is the term for when a previous chicken pox infection reactivates and causes symptoms.  They are both herpes zoster virus, just different names for a new vs an old infection of it.

So what do you do with someone who knows that they have hsv1 orally? Well obviously avoid kissing him and allowing him to perform oral sex on you whenever he has an obvious cold sore present or is otherwise ill ( they don't call them cold sores and fever blisters for no good reason! ).  that precaution alone will put the odds in your favor of avoiding contracting it from him.  If you are concerned about contracting his hsv1 genitally then he can perform oral sex on you using barrier protection once you get to that point. You can buy oral dams or dental dams or you can just cut open a condom and lay it over your genital area ( flavored condoms help with the taste a bit and they also make flavored lubes too ).  You can also use non-microwavable plastic wrap ( good luck finding that though - I can't tell you when I last found it in the store ).  This is not 100% protection against contracting hsv1 but it's the best you can do.

Also remember that there are other std's out there too . Both of you should discuss when you were last tested for them.

grace

[info2526]

so far I've only allowed him to kiss my cheek.  Is that safer because the skin is thicker? I meant to ask how easily does it spread without coldsores?