Want to have sex with infected partner

[littlezeck]

Hello! I recently entered into a relationship with a young lady who has Herpes. With tears in her eyes she told me about it yesterday, for which I give her much credit. And still I feel so strongly for her that, unlike most guys in college, I'd still like to pursue this relationship and still want to have sex.

I'm not sure if she has HSV-1 or HSV-2, but I know it is genital. I know she is taking medication (not sure if it's Valtrex or an alternative though). My question is such: What are "safe" methods we can engage in to still have sex, without myself or her having to worry as much about transmission? She suggested I keep my boxers on and wear a condom, which seems somewhat safe, but I am hoping for a safer alternative. I have done my due diligence i.e Terri Warren's "The Updated Herpes Handbook" but would like more specific solutions to going about this.

Thanks so much in advance for your time :)

[littlezeck]

Thanks a lot for your help and your timely response, grace. I'll address everything you mentioned and post back here again soon :)
Thanks again!

[gracefromHHP]

Glad you found us for more help :)

At this point you have more questions to ask of her. Find out how she was diagnosed and if she knows if she has hsv1 or hsv2. Ask her specifically if she's taking daily suppressive therapy with a herpes antiviral ( really not any difference whether it's valtrex, famvir or acyclovir as far as we know ).  Then get yourself tested to know what your own status is too so that together you can decide what precautions to take. Also don't forget that herpes isn't the only std out there too, make sure you've both covered your bases for other std's since your last partners.

As you know from reading the handbook - you are far more likely NOT to contract hsv from her than you are to get it.  Talk to her about how you feel in general about all of this and make it something you can lean on each other about. Any questions you still have, keep coming back here to this post to ask them :)

Condoms help reduce transmission and so does suppressive therapy. No reason to keep the boxers on unless you like doing that. we have no info that it helps reduce transmission and personally I think it just keeps reminding the two of you that she has herpes and it's something to worry excessively about myself.    Her being on suppressive therapy does far more to reduce your risk than anything else you can do in general. Nothing special to do for any sex act unless you also prefer to use barrier protection for oral sex too.  Nothing you really have to change about your sex life or avoid just because she knows she has herpes.

grace