What should I say?

[Someoneelse908]

15 days ago, I received a handjob at the end of a massage. I immediately began to feel guilty and obsess over the possibility I might have gotten something. I experienced a sensation like icy hot on my genitals starting that same day. Possibly as a result of a reaction to the massage oil. Possibly psychosomatic. Possibly caused by stress triggering an outbreak of herpes, although I never suspected that I might have it until now. My wife has it orally - she broke out with cold sores about 10 years ago. Neither of us had been tested, but I probably have whatever she has.

I made up some excuse and haven't had sex with my wife since that day. I went to planned parenthood for STD testing. The exam was cursory but did not find anything as there were no obvious external symptoms. Gonorrhea and Chlamydia were negative. The HSV-II test is due back tomorrow.

Here's the dilema. From reading the responses from the doctors on the forum, it seems extremely unlikely that I contracted anything from my misadventure. However, I may find out tomorrow that I have genital herpes. I could have had it since before we met. She could have given it to me without knowing. Either way, if I do find out that I have it, what should I say? It will be very difficult to explain why I got tested in the first place. And what if it turns out that I have it, but she doesn't? I've read this is possible even after 10 years of marriage. I have never had sex with anyone else since meeting her, but she's not the forgiving type. It literally could end our marriage.

I want to do the right thing. What should I say? Any advice will be greatly approeciated.

[gracefromHHP]

did you get your test results back yet?

grace

[Someoneelse908]

Well. I had basically convinced myself that 15 years ago, I had had a primary outbreak, but didn't realize it at the time. If that was the case, it wasn't HSV-2, as my results came back negative. My PCP says I do have some eczema, which I've known about for months, which may have caused the "symptoms" I had experienced earlier.

Best wishes to all.

[Someoneelse908]

Thanks.

Never been tested before. My PCP didn't think my profile merited it 10 years ago when I was trying to clear the decks before getting married. Were the iGg tests available then? Thinking back, I may have had similar symptoms several years ago, but they were mild enough that they are barely memorable. No idea what caused them. Still waiting to hear on the tests.

No touching on my part. No Oral. Definitely NOT worth repeating.

[caththecat]

Why don't you wait until you get the results back to fret about it? chances are you haven't got it, to be perfectly frank. The true reason you got checked (because of a handjob) is about as logical as just randomly getting it done soo if you are tested positive you could just say you were feeling paranoid (mention the icy hot genital feeling) because you'd read somewhere it could activate years later. I assume the handjob woman didn't give you a blowjob and you didn't touch her? You won't have contracted it from her then. and that's coming from a v paranoid person. Ideally, maybe don't get any outside nookie from now on? it doesn't sound like it's worth it for you in terms of guilt. you seem like a nice guy, and if you think you've been put off enough without telling your wife then I don't think you really need to tell her, however it may be easier to deal with the guilt if you do. if you do have hsv2 that does not necessarily imply an infidelity and I would definitely tell her. But I for one don't think you do :) good luck!

[gracefromHHP]

If you have genital herpes, you didn't get it from this handjob.  Have you ever been tested before?

what testing have you had done?

grace